Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Beware of Extra Large Bee Nets









Here’s a story

Of a crazy lady

Who was hearing things inside her big fat head

She would try to shut them up

With wine and valium

But they got worse instead…

(Yup, Brady Bunch theme song…ding ding ding!)


You’ve met the voices in my head right?

I call them they for short. Well they have been working overtime lately. I don’t know if it’s a vitamin or sanity deficiency at this point. And I was pretty sure that booze would be the answer but they seem to only get louder with this type of encouragement.

At what point does a person willfully commit themselves? Or are the blog police watching me right now with their nets held high?

In addition to hearing voices, I have developed a lovely case of germaphobia. Proud?

No more shaking hands with people. I gave it up along with stiff stuff hair spray.

The mere thought of what those other people might have touched could have me hermetically sealed in the house for a week! So when I know that someone will want to shake my hand, I purposely fill my arms with things and give them the sorry I can’t shake my hands are full look (works every time).

And I now view door handles in a whole other light. And it aint pretty.

But I have come to embrace my….new outlook on sanity. I don’t harshly judge myself or anyone else who has fallen victim to twitchy odd habits or uncontrollable mental setbacks.

It’s the only way to live! Plus the medication wore off an hour ago.

If I call myself crazy, well then I must be sane enough to aptly diagnosis a problem which deems me reasonable beyond a shadow of a doubt (the voices told me to add that last part- they saw it on CSI).

The voices are actually kind of fun-until the other side of my brain gets a hold of them and beats them down to a respectable level. Boring ass bastards.

I admit it. I like when the voices act up. Makes life and blog a most interesting place indeed.

For example, I can’t get this image out of my head.





See? The other side would never have permitted such nonsense. But the voices LOVES them some ass dumb nonsense! (feel free to caption the cat)

This is an outrage! They must be screaming. Sorry, can’t hear you…voices remember?

Anyone else afflicted? Isn’t it fun? (before they take us away, I mean).

12 comments:

Amo on October 20, 2009 at 6:37 PM said...

Someone sent me that picture of the cat and I have never laughed so hard. I still laugh everytime I see it. Or is that the voices laughing? I, too, am a germaphobe. I douse shopping carts with antibacterial gel and wipes, I don't touch hands, I wash my hands constantly. It's bad...

Miti on October 20, 2009 at 8:08 PM said...

Love your blog! Funny stuff!

freelancerforhire on October 21, 2009 at 1:29 AM said...

You are one funny lady indeed. And from the looks of it you're also becoming quite the A-list blogger (wink).

I could only relate to the germaphobe thing when my little one was still a newborn. I practically had antibacterial gel in holsters ready to fire at unsuspecting onlookers wanting to spread their germs! But I've gotten much better.

Simone on October 21, 2009 at 6:04 AM said...

Laugh out loud funny, great writing!!

Thank you so much for the lovely comment on my blog, glad you liked it :)

Simone
London, England

Tamara on October 21, 2009 at 8:34 AM said...

Hey there,
Just stopping by for a visit, you always make me laugh. :)
I'd like to give you an award, I love your blog and the smiles you give us all.
It's waiting for you on the frontpage of my blog: http://www.homespunheartscandles.blogspot.com
Enjoy~you deserve it!
Hugs!

Two Normal Moms on October 22, 2009 at 7:14 AM said...

Great blog. Very funny. I think I'll stick around and stalk (follow) you for a while. Thanks so much for stopping by our blog and commenting. Glad you did, as I have enjoyed finding you.
***Ally

Jenna on October 22, 2009 at 10:38 AM said...

Hey bloggy friend, just wanted to let you know I referenced you in my post today!

Jenna
http://jennaintheditch.blogspot.com/2009/10/must-be-hormones.html

Xenia on October 22, 2009 at 12:34 PM said...

That cat picture is hilarious!

Following you from MBC's Friends group...
http://thanksmailcarrier.blogspot.com

Unknown Mami on October 22, 2009 at 3:53 PM said...

As long as the voices are creative. Whatever.

The Absence of Alternatives on November 9, 2009 at 5:08 PM said...

"If I hear 'i can has cheezeburger' one more time..."

Mrsblogalot on January 31, 2010 at 5:37 AM said...

voices everywhere

Mrsblogalot on January 31, 2010 at 5:38 AM said...

did someone say something?

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