Saturday, January 23, 2010

I Am Not My Lipstick









“Hello. Can I help you find something specific today?” The very young and beautiful cosmetic salesgirl asked while quickly storing away her half eaten bag of potato chips under the counter.


Yes, which way to the miracle aisle?


“Um, I’m not really sure. Just looking for now.”


“I can show you some great new skin care products.”


You think my skin looks like crap. Don’t you?


“Uh... Okay thanks.”


“How about a new chemical peel? It does wonders for age spots and wrinkles.”


You’re gonna get older one day too sister and I hope I’m still alive to revel in your misery.


“Yeah, uh, I guess that would be great. Thanks”


“Have you ever thought of trying some bolder colors of lip gloss and eye shadow?”


Why? To accentuate my wrinkles and age spots?


“Um. No. Not really.”


“Let me show you some shades that would look good with your coloring.”


Note that your ass will fall too.


“Okay.”


“Oh yes, these are much better colors for you”


With any luck, you will sprout chin hair


“Yes, I see what you mean”


“There. I think you did great. You are going to love your new makeup look.”


I will now live for the day when those potato chips catch up to your perky helpful ass.


“I’m sure I will. Thanks so much for your help.”

49 comments:

Jules AF on January 24, 2010 at 1:46 PM said...

Well, that's just insensitive of her.

Jayne Martin on January 24, 2010 at 1:48 PM said...

If the stores were smart they would hire beautiful age-appropriate women to sell that stuff.

I've also become one of those people who says things like "youth is wasted on the young."

Miti on January 24, 2010 at 2:18 PM said...

Oh, man, why do salespeople like to put their feet in their mouths??? If you ever find that miracle aisle let me know. It'd be a miracle if it didn't have a pushy salesperson. Sorry, they just get under my skin.

Mama-Face on January 24, 2010 at 2:33 PM said...

This has happened to me. Word for word. hahaha. Not funny at the time.

BugginWord on January 24, 2010 at 2:40 PM said...

Why don't they just sell paper sacks, right?

Shell on January 24, 2010 at 2:59 PM said...

I love the line about the chips catching up to her perky ass!

life in the mom lane on January 24, 2010 at 3:15 PM said...

If there is a God her boobs will sag and become two different sizes after she has kids...more immediately hopefully those chips will make her break out!
They really should have more "mature" salespersons...for women over 40- "bright, bold" colors are not necessarily something a 40+ woman would/should wear.

Liz Mays on January 24, 2010 at 5:05 PM said...

GEEZ! Could she be any less supportive!

Anonymous said...

Eh, it'll all catch up to her one day.
For now she's just trying to do her job. Haha.

Carolee Hollenback on January 24, 2010 at 5:23 PM said...

Too funny!

It does suck to get older!

Deb on January 24, 2010 at 5:29 PM said...

Those freakin' chin hairs. I rip the suckers out the moment they are long enough to be grasped with tweezers, which makes my left eye water and takes my mind off my butt hitting the back of my knees when I walk.

Anonymous said...

freakin sales girls with all their eagerness and perkiness...it's sickening is what it is

Unknown on January 24, 2010 at 5:55 PM said...

OMG... that's too funny!!
I love you "thoughts". Crackin' me right up.
Sprouting chin hair ~ classic LMAO

Unknown on January 24, 2010 at 5:56 PM said...

Yep, those chips are gonna catch up with her!

Tracie on January 24, 2010 at 7:00 PM said...

This is why I only shop online. This and the fact that my children are banned from my local Sephora.

Corrie Howe on January 24, 2010 at 7:20 PM said...

I agree. Hard to believe when we are that young that we'll ever be as old as we are. ;-)

Unknown on January 24, 2010 at 7:31 PM said...

I hate perky and young...

adrienzgirl on January 24, 2010 at 8:43 PM said...

I was putting on eyeliner the other day and noticed that my eyelids...um....are not exactly as easy to paint as they once were. WTF? When did that happen?

Getting older blows.

Unknown on January 24, 2010 at 9:28 PM said...

At least the saleslady didn't say, "Would you like to try this perfume?" then spray you in the face, blinding you, before you had a chance to respond. Then as you stumble away,the saleslady says, "My God. She must be drunk."

tattytiara on January 24, 2010 at 10:08 PM said...

I walk very quickly and purposefully by those counters.

People Who Know Me Would Say: on January 25, 2010 at 5:30 AM said...

That's a situation many of us face at one time or another. My quiet thoughts were perhaps not as polite as yours. ;)

What's even worse is when you're in another setting, social or quasi-social, and the same helpful, porcelain skinned, perky boobed horror show performs the same bit.

Maureen@IslandRoar on January 25, 2010 at 5:44 AM said...

Don't worry; karma is Always a bitch!

Dual Mom on January 25, 2010 at 5:44 AM said...

If only we appreciate youth when we were young, right?

This post was hilarious, I think we all have the same internal dialogue going on when dealing with young, perky salespeople.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, how come they are always with soda and chips? Young bitches!
They have a surprise coming.

Moooooog35 on January 25, 2010 at 7:32 AM said...

This is why I only shop at Best Buy.

Also explains why I'm 15,000 dollars in debt on my Best Buy card.

The Absence of Alternatives on January 25, 2010 at 9:34 AM said...

LOL. The funny, and infuriating, thing is: they never want to talk to you when you DO need help.

Me-Me King on January 25, 2010 at 9:40 AM said...

Oh, god. Speaking of sprouting chin hairs...this is another thing my mother never warned me about. So, I'm never telling my daughter either. I don't want to spoil the surprise of a 2-incher that popped out overnight.

Lee on January 25, 2010 at 10:14 AM said...

LOL! Don't you hate that..they are so cute and perky and make you feel so old and ugly...

Claudya Martinez on January 25, 2010 at 10:56 AM said...

I can't shop at cosmetic counters. My ego can not take it.

Nancy C on January 25, 2010 at 11:05 AM said...

I'm with Unknown Mami. It's too hard for me. So, off to the drug store to buy the cheap stuff.

SuziCate on January 25, 2010 at 11:30 AM said...

Amazing how those young skinny perky things really grate on our nerves as we get just a little teensy bit older!

Jen on January 25, 2010 at 11:30 AM said...

I hope she sprouts lots of chin hair.

Juliana on January 25, 2010 at 12:13 PM said...

I am following from MBC as well-come by and follow my bloggy blog back if you would like. It is nice to meet you! ~Juliana from A Blonde Walks Into A Blog!

You know...those are the ladies who later in the day will come out of the bathroom with toliet paper stuck to her shoe.

ReformingGeek on January 25, 2010 at 1:05 PM said...

LOL!!!

I still have not recovered from nose hairs. OUCH!

I've earned the right to wear crow's feet and to be real slow getting up from chairs.

Sheesh.

Clueless_Mama on January 25, 2010 at 5:25 PM said...

I hate going into those beauty counters. I always leave buying something they say will make a difference though! UGHHH

Simply Mel on January 25, 2010 at 5:25 PM said...

No wonder I don't go to the cosmetic counter anymore! LoL

Susan R. Mills on January 25, 2010 at 7:17 PM said...

Ha! Thanks for the laugh. I hate the cosmetic counter. I avoid it all costs.

Alexis AKA MOM on January 25, 2010 at 7:27 PM said...

Oh wow probably why I avoid those places all together ... LOL :)

I'm sorry I'm laughing because I've been there.

Robin on January 26, 2010 at 4:59 AM said...

I only buy my stuff at the drug store, CVS to be exact, and nobody tries to help you there..as a matter of fact I need to track someone down just to pay for the stuff...and the ladies that work there are all older than me..see I have it all planned out..besides I never compare myself to others, just to a better version of myself...LOL

Unknown on January 26, 2010 at 6:57 AM said...

I like buying stuff like this on-line or at Walgreens. Makeup counter ladies scare me. I know what they are thinking about me and it makes me all depressed. And those bright lights! Why, oh WHY do they have to be that bright?!!? Please don't look at my face that closely. Or any other part of me. MmmmmmMm'kay? Thanks.

Debbie on January 26, 2010 at 10:04 AM said...

Love your thought about the potato chips catching up to her. I find myself thinking that more and more about helpful young people!

Anonymous said...

And that is why I shop Sephora.com for all my makeup needs!

thecrunchywife on January 26, 2010 at 8:43 PM said...

hahaha..

following from MBC FFF :) Great blog!!

Jenny
www.thecrunchywife.blogspot.com

JENIE=) on January 26, 2010 at 9:14 PM said...

Hahaha that's truly entertaining. you really have a way with writing, way to go!

Im so glad you visited (well after my chin hair sprouted long enough to trip me hehe)but i so understand since i myself was not able to come right back. anyways, this time i promise to. hope you will too. ;)

TMB on January 27, 2010 at 12:03 AM said...

Ha I Absolutely LOVE your blog!!!! I just found it via MBC!!

Unknown on January 27, 2010 at 5:33 AM said...

lmao at her the young chip eating Bitch! Why do they hire them!

Andrea on January 28, 2010 at 5:17 AM said...

Heh heh. That's why I avoid make-up counters ALTOGETHER!!!

jules on January 31, 2010 at 6:05 AM said...

Too funny. She definitely could have been way more tactful than that! Did you end up buying the shadow or gloss?

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick on February 13, 2010 at 1:22 PM said...

" With any luck you will sprout chin hair." Oh that is TOO funny!!!

Post a Comment

This is the coolest ever! Thank you Lauren for this Psycho Carnival Award!!

This is the coolest ever! Thank you Lauren for this Psycho Carnival Award!!
Now visit Lauren and witness all of her originality greatness!

Thank you my Jersey Girl Goddess!! Now go meet her @inannasstar.blogspot-No way you can resist!!!

Thank you my geeky friend!!! Now go check out Confessions of a Reforming Geek..she is way cool!

Thanks to Diane over at Just Humor Me-Rules for this award: Drink & Blog-Do you see why I love her?

Thanks to Diane over at Just Humor Me-Rules for this award: Drink & Blog-Do you see why I love her?
If you have not met Diane, please check her out. You will not be sorry! You trust me right? Go!

Thank you to the Empress at Gooddayregularpeople- Go visit this magnificent blogger!!!

Thank you Linda! How cool is this award from my buddy over @thegoodthebadtheworse? I know right?

Thank you Linda! How cool is this award from my buddy over @thegoodthebadtheworse? I know right?
She's totally awesome!! Go check her out and see!!!

I Won!!! The Golden Phallus #32 Is Mine!!! Many thanks to The Screaming Me-Me!!!!

I Won!!! The Golden Phallus #32 Is Mine!!! Many thanks  to The Screaming Me-Me!!!!
Go check out the Screaming Me-Me for THE most captioning fun on the internet!!!! She's one of the friendliest Blog hosts out there!!!! Have fun & Caption away!!!!

Huge thanks to Nancy at ifevolutionworks.com for this award-Love this !!!

Thanks Heather @ twolittlemonkeysplushubby & Richele @underthegoldenappletree

Thanks so much to Margaret over at lollipopsandpickles.blogspot.com & Katsconfessions.blogspot.

Thanks so much to Margaret over at lollipopsandpickles.blogspot.com & Katsconfessions.blogspot.
Thanks to Tami xoxo@heartsmakefamilies.com & Richeleoxo@underthegoldenappletree.blogspot! Also to Hil'Lesha @ tothemotherhood.com-& Vicki @ frugalmomknowsbest.com & Amanda at bloggertowne.blogspot You guys rock!!!

DOUBLE THANKS to Noelle @elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes & Daffy@ batcrapcrazy-U GUYS RULE

DOUBLE THANKS to Noelle @elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes & Daffy@ batcrapcrazy-U GUYS RULE
Another Awesome heartfelt thanks to the awesome Lauren @Thinkspin & multi-creative Robin @insightsandbellylaughs.com-find them ...follow them...go!!!

The Rosie Award Comes Home!!!

The Rosie Award Comes Home!!!
Thanks to my bloggy buddy @thewannabewahm.com for bestowing this award back to me and letting me keep a Rosie at home forever!!!!

Sunshine Makes My Day!! Many Thanks to Joy@ thepracticalmomguide & Ziva @Zivasinferno for the shine

 

Thank you Anat over at bsparkly.blogspot.com for this spectacular award!!!

HUGE thanks to Gabrielle @ thewifeyblogs.blogspot.com and Lisa @snugglebugglerockmom.blogspot.com!!

Thanks Lee!!!

Thanks Jenie for The Lady Ms Blogger Award! Visit her giving greatness @heniperrr.blogspot.com/

Double Thanks to Robyn for both of these awards-visit her @ http://robyns-page.blogspot.com/

Double Thanks to Robyn for both of these awards-visit her @ http://robyns-page.blogspot.com/
Tamara-Thank you for this!!! xoxoxoxoox visit her at @ homespunheartscandles.blogspot.com xoxoxo

Thanks so much to Blia @ superheroesmom.com

Grab An Award-see below

Finally, you do not need to be a recipient of an award to give an award!

Grab An Award – My way of awarding it forward. The only rules are: THERE ARE NO RULES (Only rule is no rules? Rule for rules? Is that a rule? I’m so confused)

And what is nicer than giving an award with no strings attached just because?

So in the spirit of fun blog awarding and ‘cause I think they’re a great way to connect and share the blog love with our awesome fellow bloggers (without the chain letter affect-they give me the willies), I have created The Divine Blogger and Rock Star Blogger Awards to grab-I know, fancy right? -(o.k. so I won't quit my day job)

Grab it and let the lucky recipient (s) know that you have given them a rule-free award and not to be afraid to pick it up on your site. Once they grab it from your site, they are free to pass it along to others (rule-free of course). And anyone can grab it from their sites to pass on as well.

Hope you all enjoy awarding it forward!

Now hurry! Go make room in your closet for all that good karma. And please get rid of those old sweatpants while you're at it! (-:


The No Rules Rock Star Blogger Award

The No Rules Divine Blogger Award

Award Love Received

Thanks so much to Lisa at Grandmasbriefs.com (the Grandma sites got it going on yo) and Robyn at Simply Delightful and Tamara at homespunheartscandlesand Jane @agingmommyblog for this award. You guys are awesome!

Okay, here are my 10 honest things about myself:

1. I am an extremely well balanced individual

2. I am easily distracted

3. I don’t take rules seriously

4. I lied about number one (number 3 made me do it)

5. I have a short attention span

6. I often don’t finish what I sta..


Finger Linkin' Blogs

A Must Read Award

A Must Read Award

Who's with me?

MrsBlogAlot.com Copyright © 2009 Blogger Template Designed by Ipietoon for Tadpole's Notez. Button Design, Template Modification, Installation and Setup by MommyDoodlesDesign.com