THANKSGIVING: Now listen up you Santa ball licker. If you want to make it to see the New Year you better pay close attention.
THANKSGIVING: First rule- get the sleigh bells out of your mouth mincemeat. Nobody can understand a word you’re saying through those lying rotten gingerbread teeth. Either you’re about the holiday or you’re about the cash. Now which one is it?
THANKSGIVING: Not good enough snowscrape! I’ve been trashed by the whole "ooooohhh don’t trample over and kill me at Walmart" Black Friday crap for way too long. I’m not taking the rap for this one. Now I want some answers!
CHRISTMAS: Well..um..Maybe if you…have you thought about coming out on a… uhhh…a Monda…
THANKSGIVING: Shut the hell up Elfballs I didn’t say you could speak!
Menorah-Man over here is just waiting for a chance to kick your fat red ass. Don’t make me get him all lit up!
CHRISTMAS: But I thought you aske…
Enough talking chinrolls!…I am tired of being overlooked by your holier-than-thou–Jingle Jolly crap. You and your rancid HO’s better start shaping up or we’re gonna….
CHRISTMAS: Now wait just a merry second. Are you calling Mrs. C. a HO...?
THANKSGIVING: Shut your sugarplum pie hole you overdone fairy and go find yourself another way to suck the blood out of these lamb chops. Leave the real eats to the big dogs! And while you’re at it, get your tardload off my Friday coattails and start doing what you are supposed to do. Wait your damned turn you anxious bitch!
It’s not my fault your biggest day comes after Christmas. That’s what you get for starting in July! Shove all your damned returns! I’m tired of getting stuffed with all the bad press. Now go tell your leader to meet my demands and nobody’ll get hurt.
CHRISTMAS: Sssss sssuuuuree thhh thhhiiing Mr. T – whatever you want…
THANKSGIVING: That's better! About time a turkey gets a little respect around here.
Now you tell him I want…No you DEMAND that I….Make sure he better.....
Tell him I want the new SpongeBob Snuggie. I’m tired of freezing my ass off in that damn fagot parade.
Oh and tell him to lay off the Jenny Craig. He’s starting to lose his appeal.