Saturday, November 21, 2009

Eyes on Your Own Paper Mister!








Q) What is worse than a cheating husband?

A) Why the rancid whores that cheat with him of course.

Now I’m not much for rules. For example, when my son goes over to visit a friend, I run down a mother-load of rules that would likely choke a rhino but the only rule that I really care about is that he doesn’t crap in someone else’s toilet.

But not much I can do about that one can I?

But there are some rules that should not be flushed as easily.

Last I heard, Not Cheating wrote the book on How to Stay Married and Not Kill Someone. It’s a bestseller in prison, I’m told.

Recently a new co-worker of about five months decided to shower me with the gruesome details of her cheating spouse. These cheat sheets come on a daily and sometimes hourly basis.

Now I love a good train wreck as much as the next guy but when there are kids getting caught in the tracks, count me out. Negative zero tolerance.

Q) Why did she choose to bestow me with this unwanted dirty load?

A) I must have added a little too much Please-Be-Sure-To-Vomit-Unwanted-Information-All-Over-Me- perfume.

I want off this train.

And I blame The Anti-Christ- Google for Cheaters Facebook. They started all this. She would have never found out about -not one- but TWO of his extrees otherwise.

All she had to do was friend a friend of a friend of his friend of a friend of her friend who friended hi…. and viola!

Cheating Husband and Bitches Palooza.

What happened to the good ole days when you just became President and just got plain caught?

Now showing in Car One-A lewd Facebook porn collage of piece one and piece two, respectively of course.

Car Two displays a an epic novel in process showcasing a mistress’s eternal patience and undying love -Until He’s Free…On my blog, I kid you not.

Are you listening Lifetime? Stop filling people’s heads with such asscrack plot ideas!

There are two-piece love letters ga-whore plastered all over this dirty train. And apparently, cheater husband and piece-one even go to therapy together once a week.

This cannot end well.

And I know way too much for an innocent (drama kills) co-worker bystander.

I could wind up calling in dead if I’m not careful.

Q) How bad could I get hurt if I jumped the tracks at full speed?

A) ?

Jane! Stop this crazy thing!!!

This is the coolest ever! Thank you Lauren for this Psycho Carnival Award!!

This is the coolest ever! Thank you Lauren for this Psycho Carnival Award!!
Now visit Lauren and witness all of her originality greatness!

Thank you my Jersey Girl Goddess!! Now go meet her @inannasstar.blogspot-No way you can resist!!!

Thank you my geeky friend!!! Now go check out Confessions of a Reforming Geek..she is way cool!

Thanks to Diane over at Just Humor Me-Rules for this award: Drink & Blog-Do you see why I love her?

Thanks to Diane over at Just Humor Me-Rules for this award: Drink & Blog-Do you see why I love her?
If you have not met Diane, please check her out. You will not be sorry! You trust me right? Go!

Thank you to the Empress at Gooddayregularpeople- Go visit this magnificent blogger!!!

Thank you Linda! How cool is this award from my buddy over @thegoodthebadtheworse? I know right?

Thank you Linda! How cool is this award from my buddy over @thegoodthebadtheworse? I know right?
She's totally awesome!! Go check her out and see!!!

I Won!!! The Golden Phallus #32 Is Mine!!! Many thanks to The Screaming Me-Me!!!!

I Won!!! The Golden Phallus #32 Is Mine!!! Many thanks  to The Screaming Me-Me!!!!
Go check out the Screaming Me-Me for THE most captioning fun on the internet!!!! She's one of the friendliest Blog hosts out there!!!! Have fun & Caption away!!!!

Huge thanks to Nancy at ifevolutionworks.com for this award-Love this !!!

Thanks Heather @ twolittlemonkeysplushubby & Richele @underthegoldenappletree

Thanks so much to Margaret over at lollipopsandpickles.blogspot.com & Katsconfessions.blogspot.

Thanks so much to Margaret over at lollipopsandpickles.blogspot.com & Katsconfessions.blogspot.
Thanks to Tami xoxo@heartsmakefamilies.com & Richeleoxo@underthegoldenappletree.blogspot! Also to Hil'Lesha @ tothemotherhood.com-& Vicki @ frugalmomknowsbest.com & Amanda at bloggertowne.blogspot You guys rock!!!

DOUBLE THANKS to Noelle @elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes & Daffy@ batcrapcrazy-U GUYS RULE

DOUBLE THANKS to Noelle @elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes & Daffy@ batcrapcrazy-U GUYS RULE
Another Awesome heartfelt thanks to the awesome Lauren @Thinkspin & multi-creative Robin @insightsandbellylaughs.com-find them ...follow them...go!!!

The Rosie Award Comes Home!!!

The Rosie Award Comes Home!!!
Thanks to my bloggy buddy @thewannabewahm.com for bestowing this award back to me and letting me keep a Rosie at home forever!!!!

Sunshine Makes My Day!! Many Thanks to Joy@ thepracticalmomguide & Ziva @Zivasinferno for the shine

 

Thank you Anat over at bsparkly.blogspot.com for this spectacular award!!!

HUGE thanks to Gabrielle @ thewifeyblogs.blogspot.com and Lisa @snugglebugglerockmom.blogspot.com!!

Thanks Lee!!!

Thanks Jenie for The Lady Ms Blogger Award! Visit her giving greatness @heniperrr.blogspot.com/

Double Thanks to Robyn for both of these awards-visit her @ http://robyns-page.blogspot.com/

Double Thanks to Robyn for both of these awards-visit her @ http://robyns-page.blogspot.com/
Tamara-Thank you for this!!! xoxoxoxoox visit her at @ homespunheartscandles.blogspot.com xoxoxo

Thanks so much to Blia @ superheroesmom.com

Grab An Award-see below

Finally, you do not need to be a recipient of an award to give an award!

Grab An Award – My way of awarding it forward. The only rules are: THERE ARE NO RULES (Only rule is no rules? Rule for rules? Is that a rule? I’m so confused)

And what is nicer than giving an award with no strings attached just because?

So in the spirit of fun blog awarding and ‘cause I think they’re a great way to connect and share the blog love with our awesome fellow bloggers (without the chain letter affect-they give me the willies), I have created The Divine Blogger and Rock Star Blogger Awards to grab-I know, fancy right? -(o.k. so I won't quit my day job)

Grab it and let the lucky recipient (s) know that you have given them a rule-free award and not to be afraid to pick it up on your site. Once they grab it from your site, they are free to pass it along to others (rule-free of course). And anyone can grab it from their sites to pass on as well.

Hope you all enjoy awarding it forward!

Now hurry! Go make room in your closet for all that good karma. And please get rid of those old sweatpants while you're at it! (-:


The No Rules Rock Star Blogger Award

The No Rules Divine Blogger Award

Award Love Received

Thanks so much to Lisa at Grandmasbriefs.com (the Grandma sites got it going on yo) and Robyn at Simply Delightful and Tamara at homespunheartscandlesand Jane @agingmommyblog for this award. You guys are awesome!

Okay, here are my 10 honest things about myself:

1. I am an extremely well balanced individual

2. I am easily distracted

3. I don’t take rules seriously

4. I lied about number one (number 3 made me do it)

5. I have a short attention span

6. I often don’t finish what I sta..


Finger Linkin' Blogs

A Must Read Award

A Must Read Award

Who's with me?

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