My husband lives in a constant state of Red Alert.
The terrorists are only moments away and the world is one big fat ticking time bomb.
He also thinks that everyone is listening in on his phone calls.
“Okay, so when I call, you just answer yes or no. Got it?”
“Got it. Can I call you Chief Titty Ca-Ca?”
“What?”
“Nothing”
“Remember, you never know who is listening so I’ll tell you the important stuff in Spanish alright?”
Oh yes, because Spanish….is… a… secret…… language.
“ola-hay enor-say”
“What are you doing?”
“Practicing my Spanish pig latin”
“Stop it, I’m serious”
“The yellow dog pees at three o’clock”
“Would you please…”
“The brown stain flows swiftly down the drain”
“Stop it!”
“Sorry, just getting into character”
Sheesh…so serious for an undercover agent.
I barely listen to him, what the hell makes him think someone else wants to?
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64 comments:
I honestly don't really laugh out loud very often when going through my RSS reader but this provided a true LOL moment! You are a nut ... and I love it!
BAH! my last bf had a rather large paranoid streak. he also talked a lot about he would run the world if he was in charge. lots of eye rolling and very little listening would happen when this talk took place!
LOL, Poor guy. Everyones out to get him. I work with two guys that believe everything is a conspirasy. Eating lunch with them is rather depressing. Can you speak a little louder into the salt shaker please.
Oh so funny! I just love coming over here to read your posts that put a smile on my face. My husband is equally paranoid but in his case the paranoia centers around our use of the computer and internet. Since I started blogging he has been driving me nuts with his concerns! So I feel for you!
You do realize that you just mentioned the words "terrorists" and "bomb" in the same sentence, right? You're so screwed.
roflmao....love the spanish in pig latin
Spanish Pig Latin is perfect....so its kind of the most popular language, against the least popular language, with a side of pork...can you blog in Spanish Pig Latin..Lol...Is your hubs paranoid that you blog too much..?
Spanish pig latin?? So funny. I'll have to tell my husband about that one! He does strange stuff like says words backwards with his sister. That's when I act like I don't know him. Hopefully, he won't try and teach our kids that "secret" language.
This is SO funny! Paranoid people are so easy to make fun of!!!
How on earth do you manage to be so funny? You've got some serious skills.
LOL! Great punchline!
LOL. The yellow dog pees at three o'clock. Sounds like a Confucius saying. Maybe the sentence before would read: The white dog was peed on at 2:45.
LOL. I've got to fit some spanish pig latin into a conversation. It's all I can think about now.
ixnay on the atinpa no comprenday....
screw it... I haven't a clue what I just said.
Funny stuff though. Maybe he just shouldn't talk. Would that help? I don't know that the government has figured out how to read our thoughts yet.....just an idea.... you know....silence is golden.
Oh my gosh you just made laugh. HARD.
Brings me back to the days of calling friends to get us (meaning my husband and I) some pot. This was yesterday by the way.
"Can you bring the oregano for the marinara sauce?" You know, stupid stuff like that...
I love your posts about your husband. They crack me up! Thanks for the laugh. And I don't listen to my husband either. I've become very good at pretending. And then sometimes, I just don't even bother pretending!
HaHaHaHa!!!!
I assume he has no ego left. Too funny!
OMgoodness.
I love that irreverent last line, "I barely listen to him, what makes him think anyone else wants to???"
Priceless.
And he doesn't even find it remotely funny?? Poor guy.
omg...my mother is the SAME way!!! I remember very vividly her always hearing someone lurking outside our living room windows, we'd have to turn the tv down, shut off the lights and crawl under the windows and then she'd jump up really quickly to catch whoever it was off guard! She'd make us whisper and come to think of it, my grandma was the same way with peeking thru shut blinds and heavy drapes for the person who was always hiding outside.....I had a very exhausting childhood...trouble is, she continued that way for my kids whenever she'd watch them and now that they're grown she's still doing it, but we don't buy into it anymore and we just chuckle at her...
If it makes him feel any better, there is a giant computer in Maryland that does listen to everything he says when he's on the phone, it just doesn't care what he's saying. Well, except when he sounds like he's hiding something.
Makes me thankful for my non-speaking husband.
Are you sure you don't live next to me? I swear, your husband sounds just like my neighbor! The other day he caught me as I was leaving for the grocery store....
Neighbor: "Are you headed to the bank?"
Me: "No, should I be?" (I left myself wide open.)
Neighbor: "Yes, take all your money out of the bank and hide it because the banks are about to collapse. Glenn Beck says...blah, blah, blah"
Me: "Hide it? Oh really, where did you hide yours?"
Neighbor: Turns and runs home.
Have a great weekend! :-)
Where are your code books? The dog pee was last week. This week it's "The sparrow flies south". Get with the program girl friend.
wanna know what just happened to me?
i had a funny comment all worked up and then
poof
gone
i need a drink.
My goodness, I can't believe all the espionage involved in a simple phone conversation.
The horn blows at midnight!
And the rooster crows at midnight!
:-)
My brother thinks that the end is coming, that we should all be looking at buying land with a water supply. He's been thinking this for quite a while now. I just wish he'd have some fun...
Pearl
Oooo Yay are yay oing gay ooo tay eee bay orry say When they come and get him, Actually, I have a neighbor guy who really feels this way. His wife thinks it's okay. I have a girlfriend also who is convinced the FBI/CIA/Aliens from another planet are spying her! I did see a very strange looking cat or something at her house. Coincidence? I don't think so!
We have a secret language. It's based on our daughter's speech. We're fairly certain no one else can understand it.
Works for us!
OMG! Are we seriously married to the same person?
Hilarious!!
Um....I can't talk right now. The silent black helicopters are out front and the TV is taking photos of me.
Yeah.
Cat just told me he saw a dog drugging his food.
God - sounds like my husband since the whole 9/11 and him being a muslim and looking like a terrorist - Chief titty ca ca?!! HE - He!!!!
When a guy talks, it's like flicking boogers on a wall.
We just throw a whole bunch of shit out there hoping some of it sticks.
The more you know.
OMG OMG!! Mrs. Blogalot you are killing me. And I'm totally going to start calling the hubster Chief Titty Ca-Ca BTW.
My sides are splitting! My hubs tends to be a little paranoid as well. Maybe I should have him read this post. LOL!
Jeez and I thought MINE was paranoid. Yours wins. Hands down.
Spanish pig latin is very creative though!
hahhahaha! that's awesome! although i'm worried that i totally understood your husband's end of the conversation...
i gave you a blog award :)
http://www.alabastercow.com/2010/04/product-review-annies-naturals-goddess.html
Hi, Mrs. Blog A Lot! I am home from Spring Break vacay. And instead of doing the stupid laundry, I am catching up with my peeps.
Oh, so hysterical! When we're out to dinner, my husband is always, "Watch what you say. You never know who's listening!" Yes, because we ARE that scintillating.
Glad to be back.
Spanish IS a secret language! From the children, anyway... :)
Spanish pig Latin-I love it! I guess this would be one way to communicate with the husband so the kids don't know what we say. Okay, who am I kidding, I usually don't know what my husband is saying even when he talks in English sometimes:)
You and your husband perfectly matched. That's all I can say. lol ;)
I think your hubby is related to my dad. He contemplated keeping his money in the freezer (because it's fire proof, of course) and because the government might try to steal his money...or monitor what he's spending...or he is pretty sure if (or when) the end of the world happens all ATM usage will cease and he's going to need money for ammo and food...have you ever seen Red Dawn?
I love your blog! Thanks for following ours...camp out anytime! :)
Tess♥
LOL!!!!!!!!! I love IT!!! You made me laugh today!!!!!
LOL! I say let the fellas live in their own little world. Keeps 'em off our backs!
Hahahahah! I just got "shushed" by my Hubs for laughing so hard! Love it! Sorry I haven't been by in a while dear. :(
Ever see that episode of Frasier with Daphne and the father in the elevator speaking like that in front of another tenant in their building? Pretty funny stuff, as was this!
Tell you what, you don't tell him I'm tapping his phone and I'll cut you in when I sell the recordings to the FBI (who just happen to live in my closet, cleverly disguised as a heap of laundry).
I started laughing when I read, "Filed under Shut Up, No one cares" and it grew to be an unruly drunken type of laughter after that.
You have a gift.
When someone comes up with a name for it, I'll tell you what it is.
MWAAHAHAAAAA!
LMAO!!!! Spanish pig latin?!?!?
PJ's right, you have a gift, girl!
LOL!!!
Hehe I love this post, does he really think someone's going to be listening in - what are you talking about that's so interesting?
Just noticed this is filed under 'shut up no one cares' I probably need a category on my blog like that!
At least your hubs utters words. I'm pretty sure if I let him, mine would just emit grunts for the rest of his days.
I'm laughing so hard at this. Sometimes DH and I are on the phone and we'll use a word like "bomb" for some reason, and then we start in with, "Oh, great. Now they're definitely listening!"
Congrats on your SITS day, funny stuff!! Spanish pig latin, I love it!!! Have a good week!
This is hilarious! Especially since I know people who feel the same way...I think it started with the release of the movie "Enemy of the State". LOL!
OMG! Flippin' hilarious! I have a paranoid DH too but he is only worried about stereo equipment and his car.
That is so funny!!! ;-)
Spanish Piglatin? Brilliant!
Poor guy! I think the Spanish pig Latin is the best part..too funny :)
LMAO! I think this is what my husband might write about me!
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