Friday, November 6, 2009

Move Over Poker!








Contrary to what I might have led you guys to believe, my husband and I have a simply fabulous relationship. Fifty-fifty workload, healthy communication, love and affection, mutual admiration and respec….


Okay he’s gone.


Now what was I saying?


Oh yeah….Jack of Asses….


In this new marriage card game, a husband places down a card of blame for each incident that goes wrong in your life. Each card holds the power to hurl insults and blistering fire sticks (similar to Pokémon only bloodier).


The object of the game is to get the wife to screech and wail until she appears to be a raving lunatic so that social services come to your home to investigate.


In this game, the blame card is always wild.


It can be played for money issues, economic woes, sagging asses and body odor.


If the husband religiously follows the rules of the game, as most do, chances are he will be victorious in placing the wife in a straight jacket for all time and be free to tour the country on the Jack of Asses Circuit.


This game can be played over and over and over and over …..And be suffered enjoyed for years to come.


Disclaimer: If you find yourself losing your sanity too early in the game, chances are you have already lost the round to a real pro and might as well give up.


In these extreme cases, shut your mouth and concede to his skill and go load up your arsenal.


Ages 18 and up


Ammo not included


Warning: small explosive pieces may cause choking…if you’re lucky.

31 comments:

Terry on November 6, 2009 at 12:50 PM said...

OMG!! You are hilarious!! Love it love it love it! (where can I purchase this game??)...nah...never mind...I think I've played it too much already!

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com on November 6, 2009 at 1:38 PM said...

I own this game. I'd like to return for Candyland, please.

Tracy DeLuca on November 6, 2009 at 3:16 PM said...

I would like to exchange this game for a version of Monopoly.... much less dangerous to my sanity. LOL I play this game waaaaaaayyyyy to often.

The girl with the flour in her hair on November 6, 2009 at 3:25 PM said...

Hee hee...one of the best posts I think I've ever read. Thanks for the laugh! :)

I'm off to play a rousing game of Jack of Asses. After which, no doubt, he will want to play a rousing game of Hide the Salami. And then I can play the "Headache" card.

Jayne Martin on November 6, 2009 at 3:40 PM said...

LMAO! And yet another reason why I'm single.

Unknown Mami on November 6, 2009 at 9:48 PM said...

Oh, you're good.

Gillian on November 7, 2009 at 3:09 AM said...

If you're lucky....

JennyMac on November 7, 2009 at 12:39 PM said...

hahaha...this made me laugh! Love it.

Amo on November 7, 2009 at 7:46 PM said...

I've played this one before. It always ends with cards shoved up my husband's ass and me in tears eating M & Ms.

Mrs. G.I. Joe on November 8, 2009 at 7:09 AM said...

Hey Melyssa! I found you from MBC. LOVE your blog! I'm following now!

Ida Red (aka Richele) on November 8, 2009 at 7:58 PM said...

You are hysterical and seriously talented! I have an award for you..yeah I know those are a pain in the a** but I love your blog! http://underthegoldenappletree.blogspot.com/2009/11/bloggy-business-awards-and-ive-been.html

Gbex on November 8, 2009 at 10:54 PM said...

i have added you in my links please do add mine

MaryRC on November 8, 2009 at 11:12 PM said...

new or old, its always a game.. its a game of work!

Swati on November 9, 2009 at 10:59 AM said...

I needed a laugh - what a great post...you really should think about turning this into a mini-game :-)!
Swati

Sir Unicorn on November 9, 2009 at 4:08 PM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tattytiara on November 9, 2009 at 4:13 PM said...

All the cards up my sleeves are jokers. I tend not to win at these kinds of games.

The Absence of Alternatives on November 9, 2009 at 4:46 PM said...

This post makes me laugh, yet at the same time brings tears to my eyes. I sometimes feel like Blanche at the last scene in Streetcar being taken away. He doesn't understand why I talk to strangers online all the time. Women at that. Kindness is I am looking for. And it seems, sadly, kindness is easier to dole out to strangers than to the person you (are supposed to) love the most...

Alexis AKA MOM on November 9, 2009 at 8:15 PM said...

Oh girl this post couldn't have come in a perfect or is it worse day in my life. Some days this man I think wants me to loose it :).

Thanks so much for stopping by :)

jenie on November 9, 2009 at 9:30 PM said...

That's a "Royal Straight Flash" kind of post there, mel!!!

an award should be given you for that...in addition to this award waiting for you LADY "mrs" BLOGGER ;)
http://heniperrr.blogspot.com/2009/11/lady-ms-bloggersssssss.html

THANK YOU for the comment ;)

Wendy Hawksley on November 10, 2009 at 4:35 AM said...

This is simply awesome! Now, what about some sort of Wild Card, meant to come up infrequently, and usually after you've had several nights in a row of your child going to be wayyyy too late? The Wild Card might show a disheveled housewife and say "This IS the night".

marymac on November 10, 2009 at 8:51 AM said...

I'm in!
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em...know when to walk away, and know when to run!

Angela on November 11, 2009 at 8:49 PM said...

LOL, too true! I feel the same way!

Tamara on November 13, 2009 at 3:17 AM said...

Oh yeah, I get to play this game too! I think it's a prerequisite for husbands and they were born with the ability to be champs at it. LOL

Thanks for the laugh!!!

Valri Smith on November 14, 2009 at 8:44 AM said...

Love this! You're my kind of gal!

HeartsMakeFamilies on November 16, 2009 at 6:01 AM said...

OMG We think so much alike. I grabbed your button for my blog. I'm definitely following you.

Noelle on November 18, 2009 at 11:35 AM said...

i don't know why i didn't have you on my following list...but i'm here now. deal me in!

Coupon Clippin' Mommy on November 26, 2009 at 6:24 AM said...

too funny! I'm following from MBC. I hope you will check out my blog when you get a chance.

Matty on November 29, 2009 at 8:35 AM said...

My wife would concur.

scargosun on August 16, 2010 at 8:49 AM said...

I never knew there was an actual name for this game. I just called it "Drive me back to prozac."

Jenn Erickson on August 16, 2010 at 12:31 PM said...

Love the Pokemon reference! My husband and I have been married for 10 years, are working through the challenges that come with being together for over 15 years, having two children, financial troubles, and crappy work environments. My oldest daughter is a Pokemon fanatic, so it was fun to imagine Pikachu hurling sonic insults at Chimchar, while relating to the truth behind your craftily worded euphemisms. I'm loving your blog and your writing. I gotta thank those SITS gals! Jenn

Teisha on August 16, 2010 at 3:37 PM said...

My jack always trumps The Hubs jack, he just hasn't gotten that figured out yet. Happy IN-SITS day. What? I may or may not be a redneck.

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