No, not just one, thanks for asking.
There are:
'I'm getting my period'
'I have my period'
and the ever popular ....
'I just got over my period'
There was a brief reprieve during pregnancy when all three of the above were replaced with two little words:
'I'm pregnant'
Some things are bigger than all of us.
So according to my calculations, there are about three days out of the month that I am not discussing, avoiding sex or blaming things on my period.
Yes, I make for an excellent dinner companion.
It's the natural order of things, as well as a mental and physical bloodbath for all involved.
That's just a bonus.
I'd take out a billboard of apology but being that I only have a few years of bloodbath left in me, what's the point?
Knowing that my time is numbered, I often wonder how I will fill the other twenty-seven days of talk time. What will I talk about?
Who will I blame???
Oh that's right!
Menopause!!
How fun!!
I just love having a plan!
How about you? (-:
Posts
57 comments:
All the more reason to wish for early onset of the Big M, huh? Snuggled up near you on SITS this morning!
Ha ha! I just told the kids last night that my period is coming - I have cramps. The little darlings know that those words are code for "Watch your step!"
It is better that those days when you are saying "My period is LATE!" :)
Diane
http://turning-the-clock-back.blogspot.com/
Menopause kicks period's ass. Plus it's not on any schedule so it keeps you guessing.
LOVE this post!!
It's good to know you have it well thought out!
LMAO...so funny...how true and sad also...3 days...thats exactly right...holy shit...still Ill take that over the unknown of the big "M"..Lol
Bwahahaha I am on the tail end of my mine ;)
I've been blaming things on your menopause for a while now.
Feels good to get that off my chest.
I love how positive your outlook on the future is! You are an amazing woman!
I have so many more "times" of the month, it's not even funny. All it takes is a look. The Look. And anyone knows not to f*ck w/ this kid.
I am on birth control so that I don't have to blame my crazy behavior on my period. I'm in love.
I'm actually kind of looking forward to menopause myself. I'm just sick of the whole thing. I already act pretty crazy so nobody will probably notice a difference. lol
LOL!
Isn't it great to be a woman! :)
BLOGitse
I think there might be a whole week each month for me that I'm not blaming my period.
PERImenopause has its advantages, too! There's always something good about being a female ... well, at least there's always some good EXCUSES when you're a female.
I hit menopause in my early 40's and just sailed through it. No biggie. I think the less body fat you have, the easier it is, or so I've been told, and I've always been a skinny Minnie. I was never so happy in my life than the day I kicked that free-loading bitch, Aunt Flo, to the curb.
Like every, of course, I celebrated the day when I realized that I hadn't gotten my period and I wasn't even pregnant. God in Her infinite wisdom decided, however, that She was going to even things up by creating "the bladder problem." It just never ends . . .
OMG I LOVE this! I can relate to ALL THREE "times" of the month. My poor husband spends his life wondering when those three days are...
***Ally
I never get my period, but yet I find a way to stay a bitch. It's my talent.
That is just so funny. But menopause? Not so looking forward to being a man with t*ts. I think I'll stay with bitch.
I like to refer to my uterus as a crime scene and often try to remove it with a soup ladle.
Too funny! I think the tide table is in sync with my time of the month. I'm either high or low. Or hungry. I'm a bitch when I'm hungry too.
I'm friends with "peri" or maybe I should say "peri" and I have our moments. "Peri" is a just a warm-up with no plan.
Yes, it's fun to blame things on "peri".
I hope my experience with the Big M is like Jayne's.
flippin hilarious!!!! you will come up with something, no doubt !!!
Found you over at thinktankmomma! am new follower!
C'mon by!
Cameron
www.conquerthemonkey.com
I have a feeling I'll be getting my period until I need adult diapers, but then I'll have an assortment of vaj contraptions to choose from. It's an adult diaper and period pad. Happy days! I blame it on those slutty cows on the pill.
Funny! Never thought about it all that way before....hmmmm....
A few years ago, I had a hysterectomy and Hallelujah!!!! The angels of the tired, old reproductive organs came to take my little whore of a uterus up to heaven. I haven't looked back once. Sorry! I don't miss those days.
Periods...menopause...periods...menopause....ummmm...... periods for sure!
And see how many I used in this comment just to show how strongly I feel about that! ha.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
PS Saw you on PJ's blog and stopped in to say hi!
My husband just loves it when I keep him apprised of my clot situation...almost as much as I love hearing about the funk level surrounding his balls. Communication is key, doncha think?
I am not sure whether I should leave a comment or not. I don't want you to hate me....
I rarely blame things on my period.
There, I said it. Can we still be friends?
I do have other times of the month though, like complaining about post workout pain, complaining that I actually have to cook, complaining that we are out of wine.
I blame everything on my period!!
EVERYTHING!
Whatever will we do when the big "M" hits???
Oh right,
we'll blame it on that instead! LOL
Great post.
I heart you ♥ ;)
Hahahaha.
In high school my parents would shout "EARMUFFS!" at the dinner table because I was so bad for my period/sex/all things unsuitable for dinner talky talk. ;)
I just got my first period after giving birth 4 months ago. It suckssssssssssss!!! ;P
I sweat very easily. I melt in heat. I love saying that I have a hot flash but it always makes people nervous. They'd look at me, feigning surprise, "Oh, you don't look that old!" No. I don't. And I am just kidding. Bah.
I am so happy that the IUD I had put in has made my period vanish *poof*! Not that it was a huge issue before but to be free from the hassle ALL THE TIME is sweet :)
Loved your post tho. Visiting from SITS
Seasonique. Quarterly period. It's really worth it.
Thanks to pregnancy and breastfeeding I haven't had to deal with that pesky problem for awhile. Thank goodness. Hormones and lack of sleep have become the runners-up as far as excuses. I need something to blame for crankiness.
I can't really discuss this topic right now because I'm about to get my period.
Oh yeah I forget I have this to look forward too
Ever noticed all our problems begin with men ??
* Mental illness
* Menstrual cramps
* Mental breakdown
* Menopause
* Gynecologist
I just got over my period and i can't stop talking about how horrendous it was. Sometimes I think it is nature's sick joke and apparently I do NOT have a sense of humor!
My husband says "It's the cycle of life. It's natural."
A-HOLE! If he was bleeding that much for several days, no one would think that sh%t is natural!
WOW! Did I just go menstrual-crazy on your blog?!
www.thewannabewahm.com
So we bleed from the crotch several days per month. It could be worse, we could actually squeeze a 9 pound person out of our vajayjay. Oh....wait....
If there's a gripey woman around my husband says, "Oh maybe she's on her period!". It drives me nuts! I always tell him, you aren't allowed to talk like that! Not until HE has a period!
You are hysterical! I've got a bit of time before the M word hits, but I think I'm in the peri stage. Body is getting a bit wacky and before I only had PMS, I now have DMS (During) and Pms (Post). As my boys get older they will become increasingly scared of me 27-28 days out of the month!
~Mimi from MBC Round Up
I love it your blog is so right on.
Ps im following you form MBC...
haha, you're so funny. I love it, and oh so true. My husbands always like, oh, it's the week before, or, it's the week of, or, it's the week after. Then I think, well, when am I not crabby or emotional. I did a post about this a while back, it's in my favorites, if you ever want to read it :)
Love it! Its oh so very true.
My husband swears that my period only comes on his days off.
I definitely let the period take the blame...hey if ya got...use it!
http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/
AHAHAHA!! So funny, and yet so true. ;)
LMAO!! Menopause. Ahh, I can't wait to blame stuff on that. Or maybe I can. Hmm.
You know, I am so done with my uterus. I have no freaking use for it. I wish they would just take it out and save me the troubles!
I am loving you excuses log though! Very nice!
I kind of focus on why I CAN have sex...it's worked out well.
I am so not looking foward to menopause...It all just seems so awful to me...like when I was accidentaly sent and email from my MIL to a friend of hers with the subject line: "About the dryness thing..."
GAG.
Thanks for the laugh!
I am following you from FFF on MBC. :)
Kristyn Martin
http://opinionsofamoodymama.blogspot.com
I thought I was going into early Menopause. I went to the doctor, had some bloodwork, etc. She told me it just The Crazy. Go me.
I found your blog at alfred lives here, and this is friggin' hysterical. I basically have one good week outta the month ~ that's my story and I'm stickin' with it.
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