Sunday, February 21, 2010

It's My Time












There are several times of the month for me.


No, not just one, thanks for asking.


There are:


'I'm getting my period'


'I have my period'


and the ever popular ....


'I just got over my period'


There was a brief reprieve during pregnancy when all three of the above were replaced with two little words:


'I'm pregnant'


Some things are bigger than all of us.


So according to my calculations, there are about three days out of the month that I am not discussing, avoiding sex or blaming things on my period.


Yes, I make for an excellent dinner companion.


It's the natural order of things, as well as a mental and physical bloodbath for all involved.


That's just a bonus.


I'd take out a billboard of apology but being that I only have a few years of bloodbath left in me, what's the point?


Knowing that my time is numbered, I often wonder how I will fill the other twenty-seven days of talk time. What will I talk about?


Who will I blame???


Oh that's right!


Menopause!!


How fun!!


I just love having a plan!


How about you? (-:

57 comments:

Melissa B. on February 23, 2010 at 2:49 AM said...

All the more reason to wish for early onset of the Big M, huh? Snuggled up near you on SITS this morning!

Cybil on February 23, 2010 at 3:17 AM said...

Ha ha! I just told the kids last night that my period is coming - I have cramps. The little darlings know that those words are code for "Watch your step!"

Turning the Clock Back on February 23, 2010 at 3:28 AM said...

It is better that those days when you are saying "My period is LATE!" :)

Diane
http://turning-the-clock-back.blogspot.com/

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick on February 23, 2010 at 4:05 AM said...

Menopause kicks period's ass. Plus it's not on any schedule so it keeps you guessing.

Mad Mom on February 23, 2010 at 4:26 AM said...

LOVE this post!!

Dual Mom on February 23, 2010 at 4:27 AM said...

It's good to know you have it well thought out!

Robin on February 23, 2010 at 4:42 AM said...

LMAO...so funny...how true and sad also...3 days...thats exactly right...holy shit...still Ill take that over the unknown of the big "M"..Lol

hypermom on February 23, 2010 at 4:46 AM said...

Bwahahaha I am on the tail end of my mine ;)

Moooooog35 on February 23, 2010 at 5:04 AM said...

I've been blaming things on your menopause for a while now.

Feels good to get that off my chest.

Daffy on February 23, 2010 at 6:18 AM said...

I love how positive your outlook on the future is! You are an amazing woman!

MommaKiss on February 23, 2010 at 6:46 AM said...

I have so many more "times" of the month, it's not even funny. All it takes is a look. The Look. And anyone knows not to f*ck w/ this kid.

The Boob Nazi on February 23, 2010 at 6:46 AM said...

I am on birth control so that I don't have to blame my crazy behavior on my period. I'm in love.

Aunt Juicebox on February 23, 2010 at 6:52 AM said...

I'm actually kind of looking forward to menopause myself. I'm just sick of the whole thing. I already act pretty crazy so nobody will probably notice a difference. lol

BLOGitse on February 23, 2010 at 8:04 AM said...

LOL!
Isn't it great to be a woman! :)

BLOGitse

Shell on February 23, 2010 at 8:13 AM said...

I think there might be a whole week each month for me that I'm not blaming my period.

lisa-grandma-s-briefs on February 23, 2010 at 8:44 AM said...

PERImenopause has its advantages, too! There's always something good about being a female ... well, at least there's always some good EXCUSES when you're a female.

Jayne Martin on February 23, 2010 at 9:04 AM said...

I hit menopause in my early 40's and just sailed through it. No biggie. I think the less body fat you have, the easier it is, or so I've been told, and I've always been a skinny Minnie. I was never so happy in my life than the day I kicked that free-loading bitch, Aunt Flo, to the curb.

Vintage Christine on February 23, 2010 at 10:37 AM said...

Like every, of course, I celebrated the day when I realized that I hadn't gotten my period and I wasn't even pregnant. God in Her infinite wisdom decided, however, that She was going to even things up by creating "the bladder problem." It just never ends . . .

Two Normal Moms on February 23, 2010 at 10:41 AM said...

OMG I LOVE this! I can relate to ALL THREE "times" of the month. My poor husband spends his life wondering when those three days are...
***Ally

Nancy C on February 23, 2010 at 10:51 AM said...

I never get my period, but yet I find a way to stay a bitch. It's my talent.

Alyssa on February 23, 2010 at 12:25 PM said...

That is just so funny. But menopause? Not so looking forward to being a man with t*ts. I think I'll stay with bitch.

Miss Spoken on February 23, 2010 at 12:47 PM said...

I like to refer to my uterus as a crime scene and often try to remove it with a soup ladle.

Nikki on February 23, 2010 at 2:33 PM said...

Too funny! I think the tide table is in sync with my time of the month. I'm either high or low. Or hungry. I'm a bitch when I'm hungry too.

ReformingGeek on February 23, 2010 at 2:46 PM said...

I'm friends with "peri" or maybe I should say "peri" and I have our moments. "Peri" is a just a warm-up with no plan.

Yes, it's fun to blame things on "peri".

I hope my experience with the Big M is like Jayne's.

Cameron on February 23, 2010 at 3:38 PM said...

flippin hilarious!!!! you will come up with something, no doubt !!!
Found you over at thinktankmomma! am new follower!

C'mon by!
Cameron
www.conquerthemonkey.com

Lauren on February 23, 2010 at 8:46 PM said...

I have a feeling I'll be getting my period until I need adult diapers, but then I'll have an assortment of vaj contraptions to choose from. It's an adult diaper and period pad. Happy days! I blame it on those slutty cows on the pill.

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem on February 24, 2010 at 3:17 AM said...

Funny! Never thought about it all that way before....hmmmm....

Joann Mannix on February 24, 2010 at 4:44 AM said...

A few years ago, I had a hysterectomy and Hallelujah!!!! The angels of the tired, old reproductive organs came to take my little whore of a uterus up to heaven. I haven't looked back once. Sorry! I don't miss those days.

Jenny on February 24, 2010 at 6:30 AM said...

Periods...menopause...periods...menopause....ummmm...... periods for sure!

And see how many I used in this comment just to show how strongly I feel about that! ha.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

PS Saw you on PJ's blog and stopped in to say hi!

BugginWord on February 24, 2010 at 7:08 AM said...

My husband just loves it when I keep him apprised of my clot situation...almost as much as I love hearing about the funk level surrounding his balls. Communication is key, doncha think?

Yankee Girl on February 24, 2010 at 9:48 AM said...

I am not sure whether I should leave a comment or not. I don't want you to hate me....

I rarely blame things on my period.

There, I said it. Can we still be friends?

I do have other times of the month though, like complaining about post workout pain, complaining that I actually have to cook, complaining that we are out of wine.

Michele on February 24, 2010 at 10:34 AM said...

I blame everything on my period!!
EVERYTHING!

Whatever will we do when the big "M" hits???
Oh right,
we'll blame it on that instead! LOL

Great post.
I heart you ♥ ;)

The Wifey on February 24, 2010 at 10:43 AM said...

Hahahaha.
In high school my parents would shout "EARMUFFS!" at the dinner table because I was so bad for my period/sex/all things unsuitable for dinner talky talk. ;)

LMJ on February 24, 2010 at 12:41 PM said...

I just got my first period after giving birth 4 months ago. It suckssssssssssss!!! ;P

The Absence of Alternatives on February 24, 2010 at 12:52 PM said...

I sweat very easily. I melt in heat. I love saying that I have a hot flash but it always makes people nervous. They'd look at me, feigning surprise, "Oh, you don't look that old!" No. I don't. And I am just kidding. Bah.

Carrie on February 24, 2010 at 2:28 PM said...

I am so happy that the IUD I had put in has made my period vanish *poof*! Not that it was a huge issue before but to be free from the hassle ALL THE TIME is sweet :)

Loved your post tho. Visiting from SITS

JoeyRes on February 24, 2010 at 5:59 PM said...

Seasonique. Quarterly period. It's really worth it.

J. L. W. on February 24, 2010 at 8:38 PM said...

Thanks to pregnancy and breastfeeding I haven't had to deal with that pesky problem for awhile. Thank goodness. Hormones and lack of sleep have become the runners-up as far as excuses. I need something to blame for crankiness.

Unknown Mami on February 24, 2010 at 9:15 PM said...

I can't really discuss this topic right now because I'm about to get my period.

Kaffeine Addict on February 25, 2010 at 3:56 AM said...

Oh yeah I forget I have this to look forward too

Ever noticed all our problems begin with men ??

* Mental illness
* Menstrual cramps
* Mental breakdown
* Menopause
* Gynecologist

Sophia's Mom on February 25, 2010 at 8:06 AM said...

I just got over my period and i can't stop talking about how horrendous it was. Sometimes I think it is nature's sick joke and apparently I do NOT have a sense of humor!

My husband says "It's the cycle of life. It's natural."

A-HOLE! If he was bleeding that much for several days, no one would think that sh%t is natural!

WOW! Did I just go menstrual-crazy on your blog?!

www.thewannabewahm.com

Christine on February 25, 2010 at 8:32 AM said...

So we bleed from the crotch several days per month. It could be worse, we could actually squeeze a 9 pound person out of our vajayjay. Oh....wait....

Andrea on February 25, 2010 at 10:11 AM said...

If there's a gripey woman around my husband says, "Oh maybe she's on her period!". It drives me nuts! I always tell him, you aren't allowed to talk like that! Not until HE has a period!

bigguysmama on February 25, 2010 at 2:55 PM said...

You are hysterical! I've got a bit of time before the M word hits, but I think I'm in the peri stage. Body is getting a bit wacky and before I only had PMS, I now have DMS (During) and Pms (Post). As my boys get older they will become increasingly scared of me 27-28 days out of the month!

~Mimi from MBC Round Up

Jessica Warrick on February 25, 2010 at 3:45 PM said...

I love it your blog is so right on.

Jessica Warrick on February 25, 2010 at 3:51 PM said...

Ps im following you form MBC...

Crystal Escobar on February 25, 2010 at 5:00 PM said...

haha, you're so funny. I love it, and oh so true. My husbands always like, oh, it's the week before, or, it's the week of, or, it's the week after. Then I think, well, when am I not crabby or emotional. I did a post about this a while back, it's in my favorites, if you ever want to read it :)

The Blue Zoo on February 25, 2010 at 5:05 PM said...

Love it! Its oh so very true.

My husband swears that my period only comes on his days off.

Kelly on February 25, 2010 at 10:12 PM said...

I definitely let the period take the blame...hey if ya got...use it!

http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) on February 26, 2010 at 4:13 AM said...

AHAHAHA!! So funny, and yet so true. ;)

Kmama on February 26, 2010 at 12:49 PM said...

LMAO!! Menopause. Ahh, I can't wait to blame stuff on that. Or maybe I can. Hmm.

adrienzgirl on February 26, 2010 at 8:24 PM said...

You know, I am so done with my uterus. I have no freaking use for it. I wish they would just take it out and save me the troubles!

I am loving you excuses log though! Very nice!

Secretia on February 27, 2010 at 1:56 AM said...

I kind of focus on why I CAN have sex...it's worked out well.

A Vapid Blonde on February 27, 2010 at 12:14 PM said...

I am so not looking foward to menopause...It all just seems so awful to me...like when I was accidentaly sent and email from my MIL to a friend of hers with the subject line: "About the dryness thing..."
GAG.

Opinions of a Moody Mama on February 28, 2010 at 5:33 AM said...

Thanks for the laugh!

I am following you from FFF on MBC. :)

Kristyn Martin
http://opinionsofamoodymama.blogspot.com

Tracie on February 28, 2010 at 4:43 PM said...

I thought I was going into early Menopause. I went to the doctor, had some bloodwork, etc. She told me it just The Crazy. Go me.

inannasstar on March 10, 2010 at 10:03 AM said...

I found your blog at alfred lives here, and this is friggin' hysterical. I basically have one good week outta the month ~ that's my story and I'm stickin' with it.

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