Thursday, February 20, 2014

52 Word Pickup
























I think you guys are gonna LOVE this game. I know I do!

Not because I believe throwing my words up in the air when I'm revising will make them sprout comma-magnets, locking them into sentence perfection on the way down. No, it’d be nice, but we all know stuff like that doesn’t happen in the real word… #someonegetonthat.
52 Word Pickup has been around forever and has been known to prevent epic backstory battles and scandalous info dumping drama. (Don't bother Googling it, it doesn't exist).
I don’t know about you guys, but my left margin laughs maniacally, whenever I let more than a few returns go by without dialogue or some sort of showing.
Skinny pink-line brat gets all, “Yawn, girl. You’re losin’ ‘em.” And then my quotations sneer back, and then the semicolons get involved…
It gets ugly.
And shrieky.
“Use your inside voice!” My mom’s warning still screams in my head (I know, ironic right?).
So before my WIP gets out of hand and there's absolute wordemonium, I snatch up every last phrase involved in the info dumping investigation, and throw them all up in the air.
Of course, no word goes willingly.
And, watch out, they’re slick. I’ve even seen them stoop to italicized shape-shifting;  I've also caught some trying to pass themselves off as clever strikethroughs.
But this ain’t this writer’s first wordeo.
I’m in charge of the backspace button here.
Now, I can feel a few writers clutching their laquery, home-row keys, “EEK! Throwing your words up in the air is so harsh! Isn't there another way? Won’t they get hurt?” …um, I made it through childhood without a car seat, or cell phone so there’s my answer.
52 Word Pickup may sound extreme, but trust me, it's worth the extra cleanup. It forces a conversation where there was none before. It unclogs the backlog, and leads to solving most editing issues on the eight and a half by eleven stage.
…And, if not, you can always take ‘em out back and shred them. Totally your call.
“And don’t come back down until you can all get along!” Mom may have been loud, but she knew the deal.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Message in a Bloggle







So…er, um.

Stop stammering, and just say hello. It’s not like anyone's here.

Uh…uh…

What’s wrong with you? I told you there's no such thing as an Annual Blogger. 

Um…Happy New Year?

Really?...almost a year for that? Blogger should kick your auto-renew’s ass.

Merry Christmas?

You make me sick. Move over.

Reasons for not blogging:

Excuse #1
Like they let the insane have lists.  Sillies! 

So other than the crazy, hectic life-stuff, where have I been and what have I been doing?
Writing. 
Yes, like in using real commas and everything (#hatecommas). Like in actually trying to get published. Dreamer. Something I’ve always, always wanted to do. 
So far, I've written three Middle Grade books (but pretty sure the first two don't count, as they were too busy sucking the big learning-curve lollipop). I'm holding on to the whole third, fourth, fifth time's a charm thing.
...I know, poor kids! (-:
Now go on, explain about the blog... And sooo I had to step away because this blog was (and will always be) like my beautiful, shiny object that I couldn’t stop starring at long enough to get myself in gear. And you know what they say: No Gear, No Dream.  Yeah, nobody says that. Anyway, as I might have mentioned, me and Two-Things-at-a-Time never did get along very well, but I think we are becoming friends or at best, comfortable enemies (still not sure which). We shall see.
But I can pretend almost a whole year didn’t go by without me blogging about a damn thing if you can. I'm an excellent denyer. And I know you guys have some mad, look-the-other-way skillz. I’ve seen ‘em.
If nothing else, I can always make this my annual nervous-breakdown event. If it posts like a duck... 
Any excuse for a cocktail! (-:

There, was that so hard? 
Yes.
But no gear, no dream right?

xoxoxo!



Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Blog Donut Hole













I have no idea what that title means other than I spelled donut wrong and if, in fact, there were a real blog donut hole I would surely be accused of falling into it.


That and I’m in the mood for a vanilla frosted with sprinkles.


But when isn’t one?


So as I type my fingers back up and over the rim of the slippery albeit non-frosted blog edge, I am amazed at all of the time that has passed since my last post.


Each day I say, today is the day I will post and the next day and the next day…. and well here I am.


Not exactly Rip Van Winkle but close.



If I were a man.


And if it's been 20 years.



Stupid details.



I knew it would be just a matter of time before I hit the keys again. I love it too much to stay away.


Similar to how men must stop whatever they are doing in order to direct a backing up car or truck.


It’s their Spielberg moment.


We direct them-they direct cars. It’s the natural order of things.



I still want that donut.



And more time to blog out with you guys.


But I had to come and post before another day went by! And I know that whether or not I’m trying not to kill someone on my daily commute or listening to the clothes talk in my closet ...you guys know that I am always thinking of you!


…There’s that and I didn’t want you to think I was dead or anything.


That would suck.


Being dead. Not you thinki…



Going now.


Xoxoxo!! (-:

Sunday, September 18, 2011

A Blogger Gets the Led Out






















Hey, remember when I had a blog?




I’ve missed you guys…don't make me call the Obvious Police on my first day back K?





...Anyone still out there?












Out there










Out there













Out there









Wow I look skinny















Skinny










Skinny









Skinny











Echoes can be fun yo.






Don’t worry about me; talking to myself has become a self-healing art form.





So with the exception of the madness that is my daily commuter bus ...aka, Mobile Prison, I love my new gig.








And really how wrong could it possibly be to want to take a number 2 pencil and stab the living hell out of a few inconsiderate bus riding commuters.... you know, just the ones holding the un-muted hand held devices?









Those that continue to breathe.









Only make them bleed long enough to hemorrhage and burst one of their most necessary arteries.








...To have the pleasure of watching them explode right before my very eyes...










….Ecstasy









Just sayin'







But the good news is that my new insurance covers all the new Bus Rage I can muster.









And I’m an excellent musterer btw.








I figured out that if I tell the doctors that the Bus o' Rage is a side effect of my yeast infection they have to treat me.







It could happen.








I know how to work a system people.






Ok back to the pencil killing.




Like I ever left it.





So here’s the plan-I figure if just one if us takes the hit and makes the news for vigilante Led Homicide everywhere those inconsiderate whore stains will think twice before taking out their phones to have a conversation about NOTHING thus disturbing 49 other potential Led Pencil Killing commuters at 5:30 in the morning...




come on, just one tiny stab...












Stab










Stab













Stab






I'm going to get the sharpener. Nobody try to stop me.














VIBRATE BUTTON Whore Bag!!!!! It's not just for masturbating anymore!!!!











Ahem,












sorry…









So I'm well.














How goes it by all of you?










Monday, May 9, 2011

Where Comments Go to Die













I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately.


Mainly because I am a SUCKER for a Psychic.




Let me explain.




There is this one radio Psychic that goes on air every week to “filter” long-lost dead relative messages of encouragement and warning out to the listener.


I’m not sure if an actual possession takes place in the studio but in my head there are many Linda Blair antics going on behind the scenes.


(And, if you can believe it, I am even a worse driver during these radio broadcasts)



Like you could concentrate while listening to dead people.



So the Psychic begins by baiting the “311-Dead Hotline” hook with:


“I’m feeling a strong “M” coming through…Mary, Martha..Mother…do you understand?”


First caller up, and you can practically taste the willingness to believe in the listener’s voice.



“Well…. my husband’s half sister on her father’s side was Muslim”




And….I’m hooked.



MORE! MORE!!



“I’m feeling like there has been an illness lately. I feel it in the lungs and chest area. Do you understand?”



“Wow! I’ve been having the worst allergies lately!”




Close enough. I won’t nitpick.




WHAT ELSE? WHAT ELSE?



“There is a strong maternal figure coming through she’s sa….”


“OMG! IT’S MY GRANDMOTHER!!! I LOVED MY GRANDMOTHER! WHAT’S SHE SAY?”



Jeeze lady, ever even say the word coy?



“She’s making me feel that you had to make a big decision recently. Do you understand”?



Pause.



Now the caller is crying.



OMG! WHAT DECISION? WHAT DECISION?!!



Sniff…


“Well, I recently had to go on Weight Watchers because I’ve gained few pounds”




ARE YOU KIDDING ME?




Is this what we are wasting dead people’s time with these days?




On a side sniff, I think when Chuck Woolery dies he’ll make an excellent Dead Connection host don’t you?



So after hearing this, I realized that I owed technology an apology. I’ve been cursing them quite colorfully for every comment that has disappeared after pressing the Publish Comment key when obviously






… The dead people have been doing it all along.





Placing blame correctly is important to me.




I knew the answer was right in front of me the whole time.




And for the dead record, I also blame them for accidentally deleting this post when I was trying to edit it and having to write it all over again.




...Happy Days! A whole new source of blame for me to play with!



Am I the only Psychic sucker?


Anyone else dying to talk to dead people?

Monday, April 18, 2011

Mad Blog Scientist


















I think I want to start a series of articles entitled “I’m Just Sayin'’”



I'm pretty sure I could get a lot of miles out of this one.


The thought arrived at my blog front door when I heard my Mother-in-Law telling my son that not saying "God Bless You" when someone sneezes is bad manners.



Bad manners?



Yeah, I’ve heard the ancient sneeze tale also but still never considered saying or not saying “Bless You” part of my manner repertoire.



Who cares if you sneeze?




I’m just sayin’




I don’t even care if you cough really-unless you were choking



And only then because I could finally practice that Heimlich I’ve seen so much about on posters.



So what would happen if the world stopped saying “Bless You” after a sneeze?



(cue lightening flash of scary clowns optional)



Well you know I had to try it.




And so for one whole week whenever someone sneezed I said NOTHING.



That’s right. NOTHING!




Well you’d think I’d committed rabbit rape the way they all stared at me in my non-reflective silence.



While I waited for lightening to strike, and they waited for me to say “Bless You” I decided to burp without saying excuse me.





I figured I was on a roll.






(insert next mental check up date here)





WHAT?...NOTHING after a sneeze...





Oh my OdGay!





And did the world come to an end?



Did those little people under the stairs in Let's Scare Jessica To Death finally come and get me (because I always knew they would)




NO.




Nothing happened.






...So nobody sits with me at lunch anymore.



Screw them.



Assholes can't take a little experiment.




And don't think they'll be getting a gesundheit out of me either!







Bad manners or bad habbit?…you be the judge



Just sayin’




I feel a second series coming on very soon... (-:

This is the coolest ever! Thank you Lauren for this Psycho Carnival Award!!

This is the coolest ever! Thank you Lauren for this Psycho Carnival Award!!
Now visit Lauren and witness all of her originality greatness!

Thank you my Jersey Girl Goddess!! Now go meet her @inannasstar.blogspot-No way you can resist!!!

Thank you my geeky friend!!! Now go check out Confessions of a Reforming Geek..she is way cool!

Thanks to Diane over at Just Humor Me-Rules for this award: Drink & Blog-Do you see why I love her?

Thanks to Diane over at Just Humor Me-Rules for this award: Drink & Blog-Do you see why I love her?
If you have not met Diane, please check her out. You will not be sorry! You trust me right? Go!

Thank you to the Empress at Gooddayregularpeople- Go visit this magnificent blogger!!!

Thank you Linda! How cool is this award from my buddy over @thegoodthebadtheworse? I know right?

Thank you Linda! How cool is this award from my buddy over @thegoodthebadtheworse? I know right?
She's totally awesome!! Go check her out and see!!!

I Won!!! The Golden Phallus #32 Is Mine!!! Many thanks to The Screaming Me-Me!!!!

I Won!!! The Golden Phallus #32 Is Mine!!! Many thanks  to The Screaming Me-Me!!!!
Go check out the Screaming Me-Me for THE most captioning fun on the internet!!!! She's one of the friendliest Blog hosts out there!!!! Have fun & Caption away!!!!

Huge thanks to Nancy at ifevolutionworks.com for this award-Love this !!!

Thanks Heather @ twolittlemonkeysplushubby & Richele @underthegoldenappletree

Thanks so much to Margaret over at lollipopsandpickles.blogspot.com & Katsconfessions.blogspot.

Thanks so much to Margaret over at lollipopsandpickles.blogspot.com & Katsconfessions.blogspot.
Thanks to Tami xoxo@heartsmakefamilies.com & Richeleoxo@underthegoldenappletree.blogspot! Also to Hil'Lesha @ tothemotherhood.com-& Vicki @ frugalmomknowsbest.com & Amanda at bloggertowne.blogspot You guys rock!!!

DOUBLE THANKS to Noelle @elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes & Daffy@ batcrapcrazy-U GUYS RULE

DOUBLE THANKS to Noelle @elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes & Daffy@ batcrapcrazy-U GUYS RULE
Another Awesome heartfelt thanks to the awesome Lauren @Thinkspin & multi-creative Robin @insightsandbellylaughs.com-find them ...follow them...go!!!

The Rosie Award Comes Home!!!

The Rosie Award Comes Home!!!
Thanks to my bloggy buddy @thewannabewahm.com for bestowing this award back to me and letting me keep a Rosie at home forever!!!!

Sunshine Makes My Day!! Many Thanks to Joy@ thepracticalmomguide & Ziva @Zivasinferno for the shine

 

Thank you Anat over at bsparkly.blogspot.com for this spectacular award!!!

HUGE thanks to Gabrielle @ thewifeyblogs.blogspot.com and Lisa @snugglebugglerockmom.blogspot.com!!

Thanks Lee!!!

Thanks Jenie for The Lady Ms Blogger Award! Visit her giving greatness @heniperrr.blogspot.com/

Double Thanks to Robyn for both of these awards-visit her @ http://robyns-page.blogspot.com/

Double Thanks to Robyn for both of these awards-visit her @ http://robyns-page.blogspot.com/
Tamara-Thank you for this!!! xoxoxoxoox visit her at @ homespunheartscandles.blogspot.com xoxoxo

Thanks so much to Blia @ superheroesmom.com

Grab An Award-see below

Finally, you do not need to be a recipient of an award to give an award!

Grab An Award – My way of awarding it forward. The only rules are: THERE ARE NO RULES (Only rule is no rules? Rule for rules? Is that a rule? I’m so confused)

And what is nicer than giving an award with no strings attached just because?

So in the spirit of fun blog awarding and ‘cause I think they’re a great way to connect and share the blog love with our awesome fellow bloggers (without the chain letter affect-they give me the willies), I have created The Divine Blogger and Rock Star Blogger Awards to grab-I know, fancy right? -(o.k. so I won't quit my day job)

Grab it and let the lucky recipient (s) know that you have given them a rule-free award and not to be afraid to pick it up on your site. Once they grab it from your site, they are free to pass it along to others (rule-free of course). And anyone can grab it from their sites to pass on as well.

Hope you all enjoy awarding it forward!

Now hurry! Go make room in your closet for all that good karma. And please get rid of those old sweatpants while you're at it! (-:


The No Rules Rock Star Blogger Award

The No Rules Divine Blogger Award

Award Love Received

Thanks so much to Lisa at Grandmasbriefs.com (the Grandma sites got it going on yo) and Robyn at Simply Delightful and Tamara at homespunheartscandlesand Jane @agingmommyblog for this award. You guys are awesome!

Okay, here are my 10 honest things about myself:

1. I am an extremely well balanced individual

2. I am easily distracted

3. I don’t take rules seriously

4. I lied about number one (number 3 made me do it)

5. I have a short attention span

6. I often don’t finish what I sta..


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A Must Read Award

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