Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Future Is Now








Okay you guys. I’m really upset.


I have to get this off my chest but I don’t quite know how.


It has been weighing on my mind for days and I can’t take it anymore.


UGGGGGHHH


I guess the only way to say it is straight out.


Just spill it out.


Get it over with.


Okay, here comes the band aid……



HEATHER LOCKLEAR IS OLD.



I know.


I’m devastated.


Maybe because this is the first time I’m seeing someone from my generation and a 90’s sexy siren to boot turn of age.


Took me by surprise.


After all, Jaclyn Smith is not old. Not even a little bit. In fact she is even more drop dead gorgeous than she was in the eighties.


Is selling clothes in K-Mart the secret of youth?


Liz Taylor, Sophia Lauren, Maude….well, those people were always old.


But Heather…


Completely caught me off guard.


Although still more beautiful than most women in their twenties, Lifetime visibly worked overtime to accommodate her new age status with a multitude of forgiving soft lighting and creative angles. And it appears that she did some weird cosmetic injection which, although inflated her skin successfully, robbed her of her own distinctive appearance that was so uniquely her.


The crux of my extreme upset?


Isn’t it obvious?


There will be no sympathetic camera men following me around in real life!


No airbrushing technicians working day and night to fight off the ooglalee-boogalee- age monster. And no quickie injection miracle for anyone!


My future mirrors are forever going to be my enemy with no recourse for revenge.



If it happened to Heather, it can happen to anyone!


Don’t you see????


There is simply no stopping it!!!


It’s Mutiny I say!!!!

52 comments:

G-Zell on February 16, 2010 at 2:10 PM said...

ROFL... omg I noticed that too.. I was like what happened to her face.. like omg... like I got wrinkles up the wazoo......

Helpppp!!!

More than a Mom on February 16, 2010 at 2:14 PM said...

Hahaha! You said it!

The Blue Zoo on February 16, 2010 at 2:18 PM said...

Who cares if Heather is getting old!! I'M getting OLD! And it sucks!

I always said I'd never get Botox poison injected into my face. But I've been eyeing those damn forehead lines.....

Daffy on February 16, 2010 at 2:26 PM said...

I snuggled up to hubs the other night and asked him how we got so old. He shrugged, said I was sitting on the remote. I yawned and said I was going to bed.

It was 8pm

LMJ on February 16, 2010 at 2:37 PM said...

LOL!! I'm glad I feel 19!!! XD

Daffy's comment made me LMAO!!!

BugginWord on February 16, 2010 at 3:01 PM said...

Yes but YOU know better than to wear skanktops and cut-off jeans with your hootch hanging out. Wait, you DO know not to do that, right?

blueviolet on February 16, 2010 at 3:06 PM said...

I noticed that too!!!! She shouldn't try to fix what's happening either. It just looks weird!

Secretia on February 16, 2010 at 4:35 PM said...

OK fine, but we are not going to look old when it happens!!!!!!!!!!!!

adrienzgirl on February 16, 2010 at 4:47 PM said...

You can get OLD if you want to, but I am freakin' Peter Pan!

Deb on February 16, 2010 at 4:51 PM said...

Gasp! I commented on this, but I don't see it. OMG. My eyes! My eyes! Wait. I have on my glasses. Maybe I forgot? Maybe I didn't hit the "enter" key? I can handle the wrinkles but the lack of memory and the friggin' gravity crap has to end.

The Boob Nazi on February 16, 2010 at 5:03 PM said...

She is old, but since I never knew about her when she was young, it doesn't worry me....

ReformingGeek on February 16, 2010 at 5:08 PM said...

I've earned all my wrinkles....er...laugh lines!

I guess Heather probably has, too. She just doesn't know how to be OK with it!

Jayne Martin on February 16, 2010 at 5:20 PM said...

It's all about lighting. I've always said that when I win the lottery I'm going to hire my own 24/7 lighting guy to follow me everywhere and make sure I'm always perfectly lit. There will be no overhead lighting - EVER!!!

madtexter ☺☺☺☺☺☺ (corey james) on February 16, 2010 at 5:51 PM said...

Sweetie, I just found out today while buying over-the-counter sinus medicine that drug dealers were using it to make methamphetamines (sp?) Yes, were' all getting older, but I must say, I actually saw Ms. Locklear in person about 10 years back and I swear one of her thighs was only as thick as my upper arm. I wanted to shove a cheeseburger in her face. It was disgusting.

BTW, I luuuuurve my silver hair and wrinkles..well, only in good lighting.

Coffeypot on February 16, 2010 at 8:25 PM said...

Plastic Surgery! So many facelifts you will eventually have a goatee.

Sophia's Mom on February 16, 2010 at 10:12 PM said...

Dude, she IS old!
I was actually thinking about how old Richard Gere got! One day he was hot, the next day he was on the cover of AARP Magazine!

www.thewannabewahm.com

flatbrokegirl on February 16, 2010 at 11:41 PM said...

Here's the way I look at it: I look at people like her, and I don't fear aging as much :)

My name is PJ. on February 17, 2010 at 1:27 AM said...

The first time I saw Heather Locklear and she looked old, it threw me for a loop too. She held off doing anything cosmetic for a while and, it seemed the public, me included, wasn't accepting. Now she's gone and mucked herself up. And I feel partly responsible.

We need to allow people to age gracefully and naturally. Everyone but Heather Locklear.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on February 17, 2010 at 4:47 AM said...

SHe may be old but she's still smokin HOT! I'm not afraid to be old and hot. Not really.

Moooooog35 on February 17, 2010 at 6:22 AM said...

She may be old, but all chicks look the same in the dark.

True story.

Miss Fanny on February 17, 2010 at 6:27 AM said...

I would much rather see someone age naturally than all the ridiculous cosmetic surgery aliens you see out there. I know there are some good "lifts" but most of them look weird. My mom used to say they looked like a hound dog in a wind storm...always thought that was a pretty good description of most of the face lifts you see. Oh, and the crazy lip fillers - it's just strange that someone would want to disfigure themselves so!

Swati on February 17, 2010 at 7:27 AM said...

oh that explains it - I had no idea she had injected something...somewhere...but WHY!? She's such a natural beauty.
I have a remedy (which I generously applied last night): Haagan Daaz chocolate ice cream with peanut butter. It solves everything and you don't get that funny puffiness in your face (it'll be in your belly instead).
Swati

Susan R. Mills on February 17, 2010 at 12:01 PM said...

Ha! I know exactly what you mean.

The Absence of Alternatives on February 17, 2010 at 6:27 PM said...

LOL. There is probably ONE different celebrity whose aging affects each person. The one that hit me for the first time that I am getting really really old was when they cast Brendan Fraser as the dad in Inkheart.

"Is selling clothes in K-Mart the secret of youth?" I love this line!

And you know who is not old even though they are 50+? Freak of nature? Christie Brinkley!

Alyssa on February 17, 2010 at 8:49 PM said...

I love the secret of youth. Tomorrow I'm applying for a job at KMart. Thanks for the info!

Seriously FUNNY post!

Rock Mom on February 18, 2010 at 12:19 AM said...

LOL...Well I have something to brighten your day and make you feel better..............I HAVE AN AWARD FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUU :D
This one has some rules though so when you have a chance pop over and collect it and read the rules :D
Enjoy it!!

J. L. W. on February 18, 2010 at 5:18 AM said...

I noticed that to but she is still beautiful. I wish there was a fountain of youth where we could all take a drink occasionally.

I have an award for you at my blog:
http://thepracticalmomguide.blogspot.com

Mr. Stupid on February 18, 2010 at 7:45 AM said...

HAHA. Glad you said it.
Coming to aging, I guess its meant to happen to everyone.

Miss Spoken on February 18, 2010 at 10:54 AM said...

I think she looks like a rabid chipmunk. Seriously. I'd rather trip over my own vagina than to have cheek implants like that ...

lisleman on February 18, 2010 at 2:29 PM said...

there should be a name for this occurrence because it happens to everyone. Some celebrity in your life hits some big age milestone and it makes you feel old.
It's so popular that the first section of the AARP magazine I read is their 'Big 5-oh' page. They also list 6-oh 7-oh etc.

Hey first time here and wow you have a collection of buttons - please stop by and pick mine up.
thanks

mama-face on February 18, 2010 at 2:41 PM said...

haha. I guess when you're rich and famous, as long as your entourage tells you look good, then you think you look good. Not that I would know. But if someone offered me some of that surgery I would take it. I'd take some soft lighting for that matter.

lisleman on February 18, 2010 at 3:23 PM said...

hey your post got me thinking (which can take hours to start) and I mentioned it on my blog.
thanks

Unknown Mami on February 18, 2010 at 4:44 PM said...

That's why I wear a paper bag over my face.

Tracie on February 18, 2010 at 5:05 PM said...

Yes, but she hit the bottle and pills pretty hard. We are all about clean living and shall never age, right? RIGHT?

Name: Holly Bowne on February 18, 2010 at 6:57 PM said...

Okay, I have to go find a picture of her now. You've totally piqued my interest.

Your story is sort of reminding me of a friend of mine who went to her 40-year high school reunion. She said she kept looking around thinking, "Gosh, it's so weird. These people all look so old..." Ha, ha!

Katie on February 18, 2010 at 7:40 PM said...

she looks old and makes me feel young! I'll take her body and she can keep her face :) LOL

I'm following from MBC.

www.katiebuglj.blogspot.com

Brahm on February 18, 2010 at 9:24 PM said...

Wow, I saw a pic of her recently and thought holy crap she looks a million years older, I still think of her as Sammy Jo Carrington and then that hit me that hell, it has been 25 years, and she is entitled to be older. Still don't like it.

She looks way better than the average 65 yr old. Um, isn't she 65-ish?

Dawn on February 18, 2010 at 10:45 PM said...

Found you from 'Peeling an Orange...'
You know what bothers me most is she looks fake when they airbrush and botox the crap of her!
I'd rather see the real thing than the fake-y-ness. But then again she is not aging gracefully.... maybe she shoulda used more sunscreen?
Or worn more clothes?
when she was on Charlie's Angels

Theta Mom on February 19, 2010 at 4:41 AM said...

She IS getting old but isn't 50 the new 30 or something???

Ocean Girl on February 19, 2010 at 6:23 AM said...

Whatever happens to growing old gracefully or is this what it really mean.

HeartsMakeFamilies on February 19, 2010 at 6:24 AM said...

OMG You are soo right. I noticed that the other day as well. And then I see Suzanne Sommers and wonder what the heck.

Captain Dumbass on February 19, 2010 at 9:48 AM said...

I'm going to have to google her, haven't seen her in a long time.

Yankee Girl on February 19, 2010 at 12:32 PM said...

It's a sad story. I think I am going to buy some anti-wrinkle cream on my way home from work tonight.

Nezzy on February 19, 2010 at 1:21 PM said...

A wrinkle trumps a distorted face any-day in my book! I'll just keep takin' a bath in the Retain A! Heeehehee!

Have a fun day and a wonderfully blessed weekend!!!

Tiffany on February 19, 2010 at 2:01 PM said...

and this is why i plan on winning the lottery, so, when i become of age, i can have my own lighting entourage follow me around town making me all dewy and youthful again...

who's jaclyn smith?

Jen on February 19, 2010 at 6:54 PM said...

I had to Google her to see what she looks like now and there are a hell of a lot of pictures of her to wade through. I stopped when I found this http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/33000/Heather-Locklear-Hugh-Laurie--33232.jpg
I'll take your word for it.

Sophia Loren is also old but I would give anything to look half as good as she does.

Michele on February 19, 2010 at 8:30 PM said...

LMAO... could not have said it better myself. Sophia Loren and Maude have always been old... I can handle that as well.
But NOT Heather.... no way!! Say it isn't so (sniff)

Eternally Distracted on February 20, 2010 at 4:43 AM said...

From now on in I am banning televisions, mirrors and all people that are honest!!

Joann Mannix on February 20, 2010 at 7:39 AM said...

Oh, God Bless you child! I just realized that the President is close to my age! Man, if that's not a downer. The President is always an old codger.

I was at Sephora, my candy store, the other day and the dude at the register, (BTW, why are dudes working in Sephora? What can they tell me about puffiness and a pretty new lipstick to make my day?), but the dude asked me what free gift I wanted, choice of three. I muttered, "I'll take the turkey neck cream." Isn't it bad enough that my skin on my neck is draping. Are these companies trying to humiliate me even more?

I read somewhere that Helen Mirren said that Europeans scoff at Americans and their quest for the fountain of youth through plastic surgery. She said Europeans celebrate the beauty of age. If I can convince my husband, we're packing up the bags and freakin' moving across the sea. I want to be celebrated, not turkey necked to death. I'm truly, truly not trying to plug my own blog. I never do this, but check out my latest post if you have the inclination. It's totally up the same alley. Grrrrrrr. I hate this aging crap! http://laundryhurtsmyfeelings.blogspot.com/2010/02/fox-is-fox-is-fox.html

bigguysmama on February 23, 2010 at 1:03 PM said...

Absolutely hysterical!

~Mimi from the Round Up

Tracy on February 26, 2010 at 1:07 PM said...

Who wouldn't look older after having her best friend steal her man? I think Heather is doing just fine! I agree Jaclyn must have a picture in her closet aging like in that movie, LOL You've got me thinking I need to get a line at Kmart too!

Stopping by to say hi from FFF/MBC's mom link round up! Great post!

Tracy
Ascending Butterfly
http://ascendingbutterfly.blogspot.com

Dalia (Generation X Mom) on March 2, 2010 at 4:37 AM said...

You are so right, she has definitely aged lately, but I hope I age like that!

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