Thursday, April 15, 2010


My husband lives in a constant state of Red Alert.

The terrorists are only moments away and the world is one big fat ticking time bomb.

He also thinks that everyone is listening in on his phone calls.

“Okay, so when I call, you just answer yes or no. Got it?”

“Got it. Can I call you Chief Titty Ca-Ca?”



“Remember, you never know who is listening so I’ll tell you the important stuff in Spanish alright?”

Oh yes, because Spanish….is… a… secret…… language.

“ola-hay enor-say”

“What are you doing?”

“Practicing my Spanish pig latin”

“Stop it, I’m serious”

“The yellow dog pees at three o’clock”

“Would you please…”

“The brown stain flows swiftly down the drain”

“Stop it!”

“Sorry, just getting into character”

Sheesh…so serious for an undercover agent.

I barely listen to him, what the hell makes him think someone else wants to?

Monday, April 12, 2010

If A Blog Posts In The Forest...

I received an email the other day from someone who had some blogging questions and had it been a phone call, I’d have thought she had the wrong number but there it was in my very own inbox.

I felt bad because I had no real answers to give her and when she asked me some technical questions, well… I was even less help. But then she asked what kind of posts she could write in order to get more traffic to her site…. and that’s when it hit her…

Coming to me was a complete waste of time.

Because I felt it was the truth, I told her that what each blogger posts is a very personal thing. Something that only she could decide.

She never wrote me back and I can’t say that I blame her but feeling completely useless does not sit well with me so I wanted to redeem myself in some way and maybe give a hand as I remember so many of these questions when I first started blogging – and mainly because I am still searching for the answers myself.

I'm not big on blog or any other kind of advice-because what the hell do I know- but the conversation reminded me of one of the first posts I'd ever written almost a year ago.

I'm dusting it off the blog shelf and posting it here in hopes that it reaches the right spot.

And who knows, she might even write me back one day (-:

What would you guys have said?


If a Blog Posts In the Forest Does it Still Make an Impact?

Ahem…Testing…Testing…1 2 3, is this thing on?

Since I have become addicted to Blogging, I haven’t given that much thought as to who (if anyone) was reading my blogs or what (if at all) kind of impact my words would actually have in the dense forest of so many wonderful and highly talented bloggers.

Would I even be noticed?

Would anyone read a word of what I’ve written?

Who knows? Not who cares…let’s not get crazy. But who really knows?

I have been so all consumed with the creation of each and every blog post that burns to get out of me that I haven’t looked back much. Once I am finished with one post, I am just itching to get on to the next.

So if I write a blog and nobody reads it and it doesn’t change the world, what’s the point right?


My blog posts admittedly will never change the world but I have to say that they have certainly changed me.

Reading blogs have also been mind altering. I have read many a blog and though I might not have commented on all of them, they definitely did and continue to enlighten, educate, amuse and comfort me in ways that I wouldn't have ever imagined.

Once your words are out there, who knows who they will touch?

You may never know or…. you could be rewarded with some lengthy detailed comments below your posts that acknowledge and validate all of your efforts. That would be the ultimate topping on a true heart-felt blog post.

In either case, if blogging moves you, it is enough. If having a platform for your passionate thoughts and ideas is giving you a secret thrill….believe me, you will move others. Passion gets around.

It’s the real deal.

Well, here’s hoping that all of us Still Waters continue to produce stirring internal and external blog waves!

Surfed or not (-:

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Screw That Cap!!

Dumb ass nonsense is good for the soul.

So is verbally kicking someone's ass once in a while.

If I had a dollar for every time that I shot my mouth off whenever I wanted to…well, I’d have about a dollar but that’s not the point.

What would happen if we took the lid off our manners?

Unscrewed the cap off our social graces?

….Venereal carnage?

….Blood axed brains and fork stabbed eyeballs?

….Sex drugs and rock and roll?

That sounds kinda mild now doesn’t it?

Ahh, we’ve come so far.

I know that it is very unhealthy to keep everything bottled up inside and that people who vent are less apt to drop dead.

And I don't want to die too!

Maybe the reason we are all so full of angry-fizz underneath our caps is because we keep it locked down so tight that it never gets any air thus creating even more angry-fizz when shaken.

I am full of fizz.

But you already know this.

So I was thinking that if we all just let loose a few times? Eventually the fizz would go flat and all would be well.

Or we’d all be dead.

I'm willing to take my chances.

Sense or Stupidity?

You be the judge.

I'm so ready to try it. My only question would be -who gets it first?

Ready to take the lid off?

Who would you start with?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Hi Ho The Merry Yo - The Blogger Takes a Wife

Tracie over at Stir Fry Awesomeness, who, btw, is awesomeness stirsonified, got me to draw a very important conclusion when, a while back, she was wishing for a sister wife.

And unfortunately, I've come to the conclusion that my husband is just not woman enough for me.

Man enough yes.

Woman enough?

Umm... not so much.

So I've decided to move forward with legal proceedings to procure a Half-Wife.

If the law recognizes half brothers and half sisters, I see no reason why my efforts should be thwarted as my case is 100% woman-based rationalized which makes it ...well, kind of real.

My only obstacle is getting my husband to understand that he does not get the other half of my Half Wife.

She is all mine.

Her primary functions will be to but are not limited to:

Refereeing all arguments in my favor & understanding what I'm talking about at all times.

Basic mind reading skills a plus.

I'm not asking for that much am I?

In return for her services.... haven't quite gotten that far yet but if she's half the man I think she'll be, we'll all live happily ever after.

It could work right? (-:

This is the coolest ever! Thank you Lauren for this Psycho Carnival Award!!

This is the coolest ever! Thank you Lauren for this Psycho Carnival Award!!
Now visit Lauren and witness all of her originality greatness!

Thank you my Jersey Girl Goddess!! Now go meet her @inannasstar.blogspot-No way you can resist!!!

Thank you my geeky friend!!! Now go check out Confessions of a Reforming Geek..she is way cool!

Thanks to Diane over at Just Humor Me-Rules for this award: Drink & Blog-Do you see why I love her?

Thanks to Diane over at Just Humor Me-Rules for this award: Drink & Blog-Do you see why I love her?
If you have not met Diane, please check her out. You will not be sorry! You trust me right? Go!

Thank you to the Empress at Gooddayregularpeople- Go visit this magnificent blogger!!!

Thank you Linda! How cool is this award from my buddy over @thegoodthebadtheworse? I know right?

Thank you Linda! How cool is this award from my buddy over @thegoodthebadtheworse? I know right?
She's totally awesome!! Go check her out and see!!!

I Won!!! The Golden Phallus #32 Is Mine!!! Many thanks to The Screaming Me-Me!!!!

I Won!!! The Golden Phallus #32 Is Mine!!! Many thanks  to The Screaming Me-Me!!!!
Go check out the Screaming Me-Me for THE most captioning fun on the internet!!!! She's one of the friendliest Blog hosts out there!!!! Have fun & Caption away!!!!

Huge thanks to Nancy at for this award-Love this !!!

Thanks Heather @ twolittlemonkeysplushubby & Richele @underthegoldenappletree

Thanks so much to Margaret over at & Katsconfessions.blogspot.

Thanks so much to Margaret over at & Katsconfessions.blogspot.
Thanks to Tami & Richeleoxo@underthegoldenappletree.blogspot! Also to Hil'Lesha @ Vicki @ & Amanda at bloggertowne.blogspot You guys rock!!!

DOUBLE THANKS to Noelle @elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes & Daffy@ batcrapcrazy-U GUYS RULE

DOUBLE THANKS to Noelle @elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes & Daffy@ batcrapcrazy-U GUYS RULE
Another Awesome heartfelt thanks to the awesome Lauren @Thinkspin & multi-creative Robin them ...follow them...go!!!

The Rosie Award Comes Home!!!

The Rosie Award Comes Home!!!
Thanks to my bloggy buddy for bestowing this award back to me and letting me keep a Rosie at home forever!!!!

Sunshine Makes My Day!! Many Thanks to Joy@ thepracticalmomguide & Ziva @Zivasinferno for the shine


Thank you Anat over at for this spectacular award!!!

HUGE thanks to Gabrielle @ and Lisa!!

Thanks Lee!!!

Thanks Jenie for The Lady Ms Blogger Award! Visit her giving greatness

Double Thanks to Robyn for both of these awards-visit her @

Double Thanks to Robyn for both of these awards-visit her @
Tamara-Thank you for this!!! xoxoxoxoox visit her at @ xoxoxo

Thanks so much to Blia @

Grab An Award-see below

Finally, you do not need to be a recipient of an award to give an award!

Grab An Award – My way of awarding it forward. The only rules are: THERE ARE NO RULES (Only rule is no rules? Rule for rules? Is that a rule? I’m so confused)

And what is nicer than giving an award with no strings attached just because?

So in the spirit of fun blog awarding and ‘cause I think they’re a great way to connect and share the blog love with our awesome fellow bloggers (without the chain letter affect-they give me the willies), I have created The Divine Blogger and Rock Star Blogger Awards to grab-I know, fancy right? -(o.k. so I won't quit my day job)

Grab it and let the lucky recipient (s) know that you have given them a rule-free award and not to be afraid to pick it up on your site. Once they grab it from your site, they are free to pass it along to others (rule-free of course). And anyone can grab it from their sites to pass on as well.

Hope you all enjoy awarding it forward!

Now hurry! Go make room in your closet for all that good karma. And please get rid of those old sweatpants while you're at it! (-:

The No Rules Rock Star Blogger Award

The No Rules Divine Blogger Award

Award Love Received

Thanks so much to Lisa at (the Grandma sites got it going on yo) and Robyn at Simply Delightful and Tamara at homespunheartscandlesand Jane @agingmommyblog for this award. You guys are awesome!

Okay, here are my 10 honest things about myself:

1. I am an extremely well balanced individual

2. I am easily distracted

3. I don’t take rules seriously

4. I lied about number one (number 3 made me do it)

5. I have a short attention span

6. I often don’t finish what I sta..

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A Must Read Award

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