Thursday, April 8, 2010

Screw That Cap!!









Dumb ass nonsense is good for the soul.


So is verbally kicking someone's ass once in a while.


If I had a dollar for every time that I shot my mouth off whenever I wanted to…well, I’d have about a dollar but that’s not the point.


What would happen if we took the lid off our manners?


Unscrewed the cap off our social graces?


….Venereal carnage?


….Blood axed brains and fork stabbed eyeballs?


….Sex drugs and rock and roll?


That sounds kinda mild now doesn’t it?


Ahh, we’ve come so far.


I know that it is very unhealthy to keep everything bottled up inside and that people who vent are less apt to drop dead.


And I don't want to die too!


Maybe the reason we are all so full of angry-fizz underneath our caps is because we keep it locked down so tight that it never gets any air thus creating even more angry-fizz when shaken.


I am full of fizz.


But you already know this.


So I was thinking that if we all just let loose a few times? Eventually the fizz would go flat and all would be well.


Or we’d all be dead.


I'm willing to take my chances.


Sense or Stupidity?


You be the judge.


I'm so ready to try it. My only question would be -who gets it first?


Ready to take the lid off?


Who would you start with?

60 comments:

Dual Mom on April 8, 2010 at 5:27 PM said...

Ohh I don't even have to think about this one...ex's girlfriend. If I could go off on her without worrying about it coming back to hurt my kids...well carnage would not even come close.

Babes Mami on April 8, 2010 at 5:42 PM said...

I'm ready! Let's go...a couple stupid girls can have it first.

Simply Suthern on April 8, 2010 at 5:57 PM said...

No one in particular at this time but I am sure I will meet them in the morn on my commute. Watch the News at 5.

The Boob Nazi on April 8, 2010 at 5:58 PM said...

I wish I could say everything I wanted to say and not have people scared of me.

Theta Mom on April 8, 2010 at 6:31 PM said...

Nobody in particular comes to mind, but ask me again later and maybe that will change!

ReformingGeek on April 8, 2010 at 6:34 PM said...

Hum........where to start?

The next person who is rude to me gets it.

inannasstar on April 8, 2010 at 6:54 PM said...

Girl, I don't have a lid!

Joann Mannix on April 8, 2010 at 7:22 PM said...

That would be Everyfreakingbody, because I'm nice, all the time, nice, nice, nice. And it's killing me!!!!!

But, I guess I'd have to say I'd start with the lady in front of me at the grocery store today who had well over her allotted items for the express lane. When the cashier told her she couldn't take her, the woman insisted, saying she was going to ring the transaction up in two different transactions, thereby making her under the limit. I wish I was kidding. And then, to sweeten up the pot, she wrote checks. 2 of them.

I would start with her.

Lauren on April 8, 2010 at 8:34 PM said...

I'm feeling rather effervescent myself. Oh, that was the pizza. No, really. I'm fizzing mad, too. I want to strangle the two gals I work with, who I fondly refer to as Grim and Grimmer. They're interchangeable; their body double is a sack of potatoes.

Arizona Mamma on April 8, 2010 at 8:52 PM said...

My husband's ex for sure. Oh man, does she ever have it coming and then some.

楊偉誠 on April 8, 2010 at 9:49 PM said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical. ........................................

Mad Woman on April 9, 2010 at 2:05 AM said...

I'd start with my father in law. And then the two friends who seem to have a mysterious hold on my husband. And then....oh I could go on for ages. Great idea!

My name is PJ. on April 9, 2010 at 4:08 AM said...

This is wayyyyyyyyyyy too easy!!!! Limp-Dicked Limbaugh, of course!

If I had a dollar for every time I shot my mouth off when I felt like it.....I'd own all the big hotels in Dubai........oh yes.......

Moooooog35 on April 9, 2010 at 4:31 AM said...

Anyone driving in front of me.

I hate them.

Maureen@IslandRoar on April 9, 2010 at 4:46 AM said...

Let's see, my parents, my sister, my daughter's school...

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick on April 9, 2010 at 5:23 AM said...

The collection agency that keeps sending me notices that my son owes $83.42 for an unreturned cable box, which I wrote a check for, paid in full and have the cancelled check to prove it. No matter how many times I send proof, tell them, scream, etc., they keep sending me notices. I have planned to track them down and do unspeakable things to their daughters.

Lanita on April 9, 2010 at 5:34 AM said...

I always wanted to unload on someone, but I also wanted to do it in a humorous, intelligent, rapier wit kind of way. So I usually said nothing, until I went home and pondered what I could have said, came up with something brilliant...but the chance was long gone. I just ended up practicing my response in front of the mirror. Not so satisfying.

Shannon (Coupon Mommy Of 2 ... Now 3) on April 9, 2010 at 6:07 AM said...

I am your newest follow from FF

http://couponmommyof2.blogspot.com/
Lots of giveaways, come follow back

Julee on April 9, 2010 at 6:56 AM said...

I have a few raunchy things to say to myself!

I'm a new Friday Follower! Visit me at http://www.jonbonjovious.blogspot.com and sign up for my newest giveaway!

MommaKiss on April 9, 2010 at 7:08 AM said...

I sorta have no filter to begin with - but I'm trying to be good since my kids are starting to listen. And repeat.
ANYWAY, there's this chick from high school that I'd just love to rip into. She was the hot, smart, popular one who was mean to everyone. And now? She's fat and poor and a miserable fuck. So - if I ever were to run into her I'd let loose. That'd be hard, tho - as I haven't been back to the town since the day I graduated. If only.....

BLOGitse on April 9, 2010 at 7:51 AM said...

argh! I wrote a long comment and I lost it!
Shortly: I get all the steam out at home.
I can't change other people.
I don't want to go to the same 'idiot/stupid/annoying...' level as a person who makes me feel bad.
I will not give the pleasure for him/her. I want to be above her/him and not to be as him/her...

BLOGitse

I'm just the MOM on April 9, 2010 at 7:56 AM said...

EVERYONE that cuts me off in bumper to bumper traffic and don't use a blinker!
I am a new follower from ff..nice to "meet" you!

Nicole
http://theboyslockerroom.blogspot.com

Me-Me King on April 9, 2010 at 8:28 AM said...

I would have to release the fizz on my neighbor who has the propensity of giving me a blow-by-blow of Glenn Beck's and Bill O'Reilly's programs every single day. If I've managed to avoid him on any particular day, then I get a double whammy the next time he catches me heading to my vehicle. It's getting to the point where I don't want to leave the house. Arrrrgggghhh!

Susan R. Mills on April 9, 2010 at 9:24 AM said...

I'd start with sister in law right now. She's really been pushing my buttons lately, but of course I've kept my cap on.

Laffylady on April 9, 2010 at 9:59 AM said...

Oh Jeeez..I dont have anyone in mind right now..but I could always use the hubs...Im really good at that....

Hi Melyssa..Thanks for following Laugh Out Loud. I hope you will email me a link to one of your funniest posts, so I can add you to the Calendar..Im looking forward to getting to know you and your sense of humor..!!..Laffylady

Linda Medrano on April 9, 2010 at 11:26 AM said...

I get horribly angry when someone "disses" my husband Alex. He is so mild mannered and likes everybody. When someone puts him down because they can and he won't react, I want to put an ax thru their stupid head. Alex is a gentle soul. He doesn't sweat the small stuff. I wish I was more like him.

Ziva on April 9, 2010 at 11:29 AM said...

Telemarketers. No doubt about it.

Unknown Mami on April 9, 2010 at 11:30 AM said...

Stay away from me! I don't need any of that fizz getting all over my face.

-That's what she said!!!

adrienzgirl on April 9, 2010 at 12:20 PM said...

I have so much fizz I am like a 2liter of diet soda chalked full of Mentos!

Let's go with my daughter's StepMonster. She gets it first!

Grace on April 9, 2010 at 1:13 PM said...

I think being a teeny tad hot under the collar all the time is good for ya. Keeps the blood flowing - I don't get the Zen-thing...as for who should get my fizzing? Oh hell pick anyone - I can work up a case for Buddha himself...(yeah, you know I've been real testy these last few days)

Yankee Girl on April 9, 2010 at 1:20 PM said...

I try to keep my cap only half closed. I don't do well when I explode on people!

I just let it out a little at a time.

The person I do want to explode on is the douchebag that hurt the dog I just found so badly. I WISH I had the opportunity to scream at him.

Alyssa on April 9, 2010 at 1:39 PM said...

What cap?

Seriously, what cap?

Jen on April 9, 2010 at 5:22 PM said...

Nothing at the moment, which is weird, but it will bubble up again as soon as some dumbass gets in my way. Today has been a dumbass free day so I have nothing to pop. Maybe tomorrow will be better?

Heavenly Savings on April 9, 2010 at 7:02 PM said...

Cute Blog!!! I’m another new follower! Feel free to check out my blog as well! http://heavenlysavings.blogspot.com
Happy Friday Follow! Hope to Blog with you again soon!

The Empress on April 9, 2010 at 10:04 PM said...

Oh, for the sake of privacy, I can't say. But thank you! for the opportunity to let my mind wander and mentally tell her (ooops, could be a him heehee) off!

That.felt.good.

Veronica Lee on April 9, 2010 at 11:13 PM said...

I'm too cowardly to say what's in my head unless that person steps on my tail!!

Mimi and Tilly on April 10, 2010 at 4:19 AM said...

Hmmm. I someone in particular in mind. I just pound on a pillow and scare my cats though! Dropping by from SITS. Happy Saturday Sharefest. Sending smiles and glitter, Emma. x

Sheila Sultani on April 10, 2010 at 8:44 AM said...

I love Dumb Ass Nonsense!!!

I find the older I get the more nonsense, dumb and assy I lay on others. I just can't be bothered to hold it in all the time. I can't put up with foolishness like I used to. When I was 20 if someone did something stupid that irritated me I would keep quiet, and go home and kick my dog (or ilttle brother) Now - when that bimbo pulls into my parking spot because she's to damn lazy to drive an extra 20 feet - I stop and ask her - "Why don't you ever bother to park in your reserved spot?" - 2 years later, I'm still getting dirty looks.

Katie on April 10, 2010 at 10:33 AM said...

I find that I'm old enough now that I uncap when needed...it's a by-product of my small town redneck upbringing. I'm always waiting for the next contestant though..lol!

OneMightyWoman on April 10, 2010 at 1:21 PM said...

Good manners lead to fewer regrets. Stopping in from SITS

Aging Mommy on April 10, 2010 at 3:04 PM said...

Oh it would have to be that person who so upset The Empress this week - and others like her. Thankfully there are not too many like that and most people in the blogging community are wonderful. But those few exceptions need sorting out!

Stopping by from The Empress and love your blog - I am your newest fan and follower

Ally on April 11, 2010 at 7:08 AM said...

Here from SITs and FF. Loving your blog :)

Visit me at FourthGradeNothing.com

otin on April 11, 2010 at 7:57 AM said...

I am not really angry at anyone at this time, well, except for maybe my mother, but that is a long story!

Amo on April 11, 2010 at 12:10 PM said...

Well, no one at the moment. Maybe an ex-boyfriend from years and years ago who was kinda a douche to me. But, really, the only person who tends to really piss me off is my husband every once in a while and I have no problem unscrewing the cap with him. Perhaps I'm a little too willing!

Jayne Martin on April 11, 2010 at 5:18 PM said...

My cap blew off a long time ago. That genie is out of the bottle. There is something freeing about getting older. I no longer give a damn what people think of me. Of course, as a writer, if you're not offending someone, you're not doing your job. Glad to hear you're declaring your right to mouth-off, Melyssa.

Erin on April 11, 2010 at 6:41 PM said...

I have a lot of fizz. I bottle things up. Perhaps that is why I'm taking Zoloft now and my left shoulder is always crimped up? I need to remind myself to relax and sometimes just say what is on my mind, at least a little nicely...

Erin on April 11, 2010 at 6:44 PM said...

I have a lot of fizz. I bottle things up. Which is probably why I'm on Zoloft. I need to learn to relax and maybe I wouldn't be so stressed and dealing with an aching shoulder.

Pam Ponder on April 11, 2010 at 8:16 PM said...

what a cute blog, I am following back from Friday follow!!!

blueviolet on April 12, 2010 at 4:04 AM said...

Let's let it loose on my brother, ok???

Travelbug Mom on April 12, 2010 at 6:44 AM said...

I'm approaching 50 and my cap is very very loose right now....just itching to pop it off for ANYONE! I mean ANYONE....like "stop talking your language when you are painting my toes" focus on ME!! Like prima donna, grab a grocery bag and start bagging your order and put your lipstick away. Or neighbor, if you don't trim those tree branches, I will be back with a chain saw and the whole damn tree will be gone!!!!

Ahhh that felt better!

Aunt Juicebox on April 12, 2010 at 8:24 AM said...

Tee's dad and stepmother. They need a dose of reality.

The Blue Zoo on April 12, 2010 at 9:21 AM said...

hhhhmmm... Actually I think my fizz is fine. I let it out often.. =)

Dude 'n' Princess on April 12, 2010 at 9:54 AM said...

i bet i should start with me or my devil counter part ;) n then there is a loong list :) loved this one !!

drollgirl on April 12, 2010 at 10:07 AM said...

welllllllll, i tend to blow off steam as i don't want it all bottled up inside of me. and i feel for those that feel my wrath! usually i go off in traffic as there are MORONIC DRIVERS EVERYWHERE and i have a maddening 11 mile commute to work that takes an hour. argh!

Salt on April 12, 2010 at 12:20 PM said...

Unfortunately for other people, I don't have a very tight lid when it comes to things like this. So if I'm ticked off or have something to say, I will mostly just say it and then deal with the consequences.

This is why I do not work in customer service.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on April 12, 2010 at 8:53 PM said...

Mean people who act like toddlers are wild animals that need to be tamed. I'd fizz all over them.

Fabulously Chaotic on April 14, 2010 at 11:40 AM said...

Hi There,
I have an award for you on my blog. Thank you for being one of my first followers it really made me feel special. Have a fabulous day!!

The Lady's Lounge on April 16, 2010 at 9:29 AM said...

Today?
Dear Landlord, I get that you're renovating the upstairs apartment so that you can charge the next tenants 2 billion dollars a month in rent but honestly, It's been almost every f-ing day since New Years, dusk till dawn, (incl Sunday mornings) power tools and hammering and smashing so loud it sounds like my ceiling is ...going to cave in and all the plaster is crumbling in the walls! I have a show to prepare for, I can't hear myself sing, my ears are crying and I'm losing my freaking mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Ahem*

Um.. my landlord.

http://www.theladyslounge.com

Buggys on April 16, 2010 at 12:17 PM said...

My husband's ex-wife. Undoubtedly! If I ever let loose on her though, there would be blood and carnage and I would be in prison acting as someone's bitch. No, I can't let loose. I look so bad in stripes.

Gypsy on May 10, 2010 at 4:59 PM said...

Ooo child! I hope I never meet my husband's ex wife because the things I would do to her are definitely against the law, and some might be against nature. As for my commute, I just holler at my windshield even though I know the jerk who can't drive can't hear me at all, it helps me let it out, although, there are times when I speed up to look directly into that person's face and give them the stank eye. There, haha! Take that! Well, I'd better calm it down now. Love the writing. You have a new follower.

-Gypsy
http://www.whattheheckistheretodohere.blogspot.com/

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