Cranberry Agita

Here we are, gorgeous crisp autumn air, a stunning tree lined visual at every turn filled with plum, umber, magenta and golden yellow leafs clinging to their branches, my favorite of all high holy days…Halloween is just around the corner and all I can see is…..

My cup frothing over with impending family drama which will begin on Thanksgiving Day and end…well does it ever end?

It will commence, as always, with friendly, amicable hellos and how are yous. It will progress into small groups of Scrabble and Monopoly (which may very well lead to physical and emotional violence) and will ultimately end in everyone’s favorite pastime…

The Blame Game. All players are in. All ages and in-law status welcome. Leading up to ten to twenty years of pent up grievances and animosity in the Final-Showcase-Showdown. It’s going to be a great show.

I am your host, Nelly Neutral. Now let’s meet our contestants:

Husband- Extremely hotheaded but more often than not…. rrrri…rrrrr….riiiii…right.

Damn that hurt.

Sister in laws- a.k.a. Thing one and Thing two or Hypocritical and Pious. Hi and Pi for short. (You know…like shut your Pi-hole Hi)- Older gang-up sisters to Husband - Oh…forgot, I was supposed to be neutral.

Yeah, sorry, I don’t look good in beige. Moving on….

Mother-in-law- Who will not stick her neck out for either party in order to keep the peace. F@^*!EN take a side damn it! Ours. There, that was neutral-like.

And let’s not forget the Innocent Children for without them this game would not be possible because we would have no reason on God’s green earth to gather in the same room voluntarily otherwise.

Is forty-five minutes of not really great turkey worth the all the bitter conversation trimmings that will echo in phone calls and emails haunting both sides for the rest of the year?

Is it worth watching both sides’ organs imploding into a non edible side dish?

To find out the answers to these questions and more, join us next time for a game of Family or Farce!

Can’t we just stop at Halloween? Trick or treating. Costumes. Scarring the crap out of little children – legitimately?

BTW, I have scheduled two Thanksgivings this year. Back to back. One to celebrate with family and one to erase what happened the day before.

Last year’s celebration taught me well my friend.

I’m sure that my son will not be scared much by the underlying tension. They don’t even notice half the time. Kids are awesomely resilient that way. Stop lying to yourself

Then we grow up. Then we hold grudges. Then we get heartburn. Then we take pills. Then we drink…well, I’ve reserved my mental health breakdown bed have you?

All in favor of shortening Thanksgiving dinners to a thirty-minute-meal in Bikini Bottom, say Aye Aye Captain!

I can’t hear you!

All opposed…well… Come on over and bring a bottle! You’re welcome at my house for the Holidays.

You’d fit right in (-:!