Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Cranberry Agita


















Here we are, gorgeous crisp autumn air, a stunning tree lined visual at every turn filled with plum, umber, magenta and golden yellow leafs clinging to their branches, my favorite of all high holy days…Halloween is just around the corner and all I can see is…..


My cup frothing over with impending family drama which will begin on Thanksgiving Day and end…well does it ever end?


It will commence, as always, with friendly, amicable hellos and how are yous. It will progress into small groups of Scrabble and Monopoly (which may very well lead to physical and emotional violence) and will ultimately end in everyone’s favorite pastime…


The Blame Game. All players are in. All ages and in-law status welcome. Leading up to ten to twenty years of pent up grievances and animosity in the Final-Showcase-Showdown. It’s going to be a great show.


I am your host, Nelly Neutral. Now let’s meet our contestants:


Husband- Extremely hotheaded but more often than not…. rrrri…rrrrr….riiiiiright.


Damn that hurt.


Sister in laws- a.k.a. Thing one and Thing two or Hypocritical and Pious. Hi and Pi for short. (You know…like shut your Pi-hole Hi)- Older gang-up sisters to Husband - Oh…forgot, I was supposed to be neutral.


Yeah, sorry, I don’t look good in beige. Moving on….


Mother-in-law- Who will not stick her neck out for either party in order to keep the peace. F@^*!EN take a side damn it! Ours. There, that was neutral-like.


And let’s not forget the Innocent Children for without them this game would not be possible because we would have no reason on God’s green earth to gather in the same room voluntarily otherwise.


Is forty-five minutes of not really great turkey worth the all the bitter conversation trimmings that will echo in phone calls and emails haunting both sides for the rest of the year?


Is it worth watching both sides’ organs imploding into a non edible side dish?


To find out the answers to these questions and more, join us next time for a game of Family or Farce!


Can’t we just stop at Halloween? Trick or treating. Costumes. Scarring the crap out of little children – legitimately?


BTW, I have scheduled two Thanksgivings this year. Back to back. One to celebrate with family and one to erase what happened the day before.


Last year’s celebration taught me well my friend.


I’m sure that my son will not be scared much by the underlying tension. They don’t even notice half the time. Kids are awesomely resilient that way. Stop lying to yourself


Then we grow up. Then we hold grudges. Then we get heartburn. Then we take pills. Then we drink…well, I’ve reserved my mental health breakdown bed have you?


All in favor of shortening Thanksgiving dinners to a thirty-minute-meal in Bikini Bottom, say Aye Aye Captain!


I can’t hear you!


All opposed…well… Come on over and bring a bottle! You’re welcome at my house for the Holidays.


You’d fit right in (-:!

14 comments:

Jen on October 13, 2009 at 4:49 PM said...

My family does the same thing except we incorporate the ex spouses in spirit cause there is no one better to blame than the person who isn't there. Thanksgiving always ends with my SIL in tears or my mother in tears. Often they are both in tears and my poor brother has to make the choice of who he is going to give comfort to first. He basically has to choose between ever having sex again and being cut out of the will. I feel sorry for him, sort of. I hang with the kids and drink. I know, I'm horrible but I don't cry in public so I don't fit in with the rest of the grown-ups.

Just remember that Christmas isn't too far off.

Cheers

(Hey, the ID it takes from me (google id) is incorrect, and I don't know how to fix it. I'm at http://www.redheadranting.com/ Sorry, I know it sucks to leave that in a comment but I did.

FeliciaE on October 14, 2009 at 12:24 PM said...

Aye Aye Captain...as much as I love/like/am nice to....my in-laws. I dread the holidays when they want to make the 9 hour trek north (they 'never' see us...just everyt 3-4 monhts for 3-4 days) to see us (read as drive us nuts) for 5 days, leave my house in a wreck...fight...belittle and so forth.

I think this year I am going to go hide out in a hotel for the 5 days they are all here. Yep!

DeAnna on October 14, 2009 at 7:25 PM said...

Hi,
Thanks for the award. I grabbed it.
DeAnna
Write Moms

Lisa on October 14, 2009 at 8:54 PM said...

Oh this sounds like my family , I had the great pleasure of hosting Thanksgiving this year ! It actually didn't turn out that bad. Though we did it a little different so that all the family wasn't here at one time. We didn't go without the family battle though, my 2 sister in laws had it out even before they arrived here !

ZDub on October 15, 2009 at 12:46 AM said...

Oy, my family is the exact same. I hate the goddamn holidays.

Thanks for the award, momma! I like your blog. :)

Life in the mom lane on October 15, 2009 at 4:49 AM said...

Gee my family sounds boring in comparison :)

Tamara on October 15, 2009 at 9:51 AM said...

Hi!
Oh boy...my family is the same way!! thanks for sharing and I took your banner for my blog. :)
http://www.homespunheartscandles.blogspot.com

Hang in there!!

Aunt Becky on October 15, 2009 at 11:04 AM said...

*sighs* Got to love family drama.

Michele on October 16, 2009 at 12:54 AM said...

LOL... I totally hear ya. Not lately mind you, but I have been there many years ago... and I love it when you say,

"All in favor of shortening Thanksgiving dinners to a thirty-minute-meal in Bikini Bottom, say Aye Aye Captain!" ~ SpongeBob always saves the day in my house!!!

Great post.

Ordinary Housewife on October 16, 2009 at 4:43 AM said...

I love family dramas and I would absolutely love to come to your house for Thanksgiving. Thank you for the invitation. I will bring a can of cranberry gel.

I am in a family of nice people, hilariously funny, but really nice. And my husband's family is even nicer, if that's possible. Thanksgiving is nice, but lacking in spicy drama. Appreciate what you have!

Ordinary Housewife on October 17, 2009 at 3:24 PM said...

Thank you ever so much for the award. I'll try to live up to it.

mralong on October 17, 2009 at 8:47 PM said...

You have been given an award. Please stop by my blog to accept the award
http://robyns-page.blogspot.com/

Two Normal Moms on October 22, 2009 at 7:11 AM said...

OMG, this is how I dread EVERY family get together on my husband's side of the family. This post was so hilarious! Do you do it all again for Christmas? And people wonder why what used to be my favorite time of year is now filled with dread and complaining and drinking...
***Ally

Mrsblogalot on January 28, 2010 at 2:40 PM said...

drama!

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