NyQuil Hangover

So in conclusion….

Oh right, I haven’t said anything yet.

By the powers vested in me…..

Oh wait, I’m not a priest.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury…

Yeah. Still not working.

This is what happens when you get older. Can someone please enlighten me as to when the hell Better will be making an appearance? I want to be properly coiffed.

My thinking got rerouted to remembering. Because…well because I couldn’t remember damn it!

Is there a lost and found for trains of thought? I seem to be having more and more memory lapses lately. I have practically choked myself on sticky note reminder necklaces. And I think my husband might be paying a visit to Jacoby and Myers soon if I leave one more don’t forget note on the kitchen counter (it’s not like I’m using it to cook or anything…sheesh get off my back!).

I heard that Ginko something or other helps with memory enhancement and if I can remember to get to Rite Aid or Duane Reed, I’ll be sure to throw some in my basket. Although I don’t think that I’ll be going anytime soon.

As I suffer from a serious pharmacy fetish.

I can’t seem to control myself from spending less than a hundred bucks a pop and I am not partial to just one drug store. I love them ALL.

I need the new lip sticks in the ever so slight color variations of the ones that I already hoard. I must have all feminine hygiene products ‘cause you never know when you will get lucky. Oh and hair dye and Motrin and allergy pills and foot insoles and nail polish and that chachki thing that can go on the table and hair ties and a calculator and new hand cream and new shampoo and gum and a magazine and a nail clipper and chapstick and…I really need help.

Does anyone know of a free clinic?

So what was I saying?

Oh right, birth control…had I known all the side effects back in the day, I think that I would have become a mother earlier in life. Hair in places that never grew before, headaches, skin issues. Really, how hard would it have been being a mother at sixteen? At least there would be less waxing and laser fees and I would have recovered tautly and moved on.

But back to my point, I am truly looking forward to menopause. I’m totally ready to own a new set of complaints.

Gotta run, Rite Aid awaits!

Intervention anyone? I smell reality TV here.