Sunday, April 4, 2010

Hi Ho The Merry Yo - The Blogger Takes a Wife

Tracie over at Stir Fry Awesomeness, who, btw, is awesomeness stirsonified, got me to draw a very important conclusion when, a while back, she was wishing for a sister wife.

And unfortunately, I've come to the conclusion that my husband is just not woman enough for me.

Man enough yes.

Woman enough?

Umm... not so much.

So I've decided to move forward with legal proceedings to procure a Half-Wife.

If the law recognizes half brothers and half sisters, I see no reason why my efforts should be thwarted as my case is 100% woman-based rationalized which makes it ...well, kind of real.

My only obstacle is getting my husband to understand that he does not get the other half of my Half Wife.

She is all mine.

Her primary functions will be to but are not limited to:

Refereeing all arguments in my favor & understanding what I'm talking about at all times.

Basic mind reading skills a plus.

I'm not asking for that much am I?

In return for her services.... haven't quite gotten that far yet but if she's half the man I think she'll be, we'll all live happily ever after.

It could work right? (-:


Liz Mays on April 4, 2010 at 4:34 PM said...

That's an excellent idea. It might be quicker than geting myself cloned, because I've been working behind the scenes to get that to happen.

Dual Mom on April 4, 2010 at 4:34 PM said...

It could totally work and would save a bazillion marriages a year, I have no doubt about it!

Jules AF on April 4, 2010 at 4:37 PM said...

I want a husband to do my dishes. I don't need a sister wife yet.

Lanita on April 4, 2010 at 4:52 PM said...

One has to think there is some advantage to bigamy. Looks like you've hit upon it!

Simply Suthern on April 4, 2010 at 5:08 PM said...

That is just wrong, plain wrong. Sounds like a Half-Baked plan. Hubby aint gettin squat. He either gets a Half-Hubby or Half-Wife gives him baths. on April 4, 2010 at 6:21 PM said...

I definitely need a Half-Wife! Now.. how to go about getting one...

Mammatalk on April 4, 2010 at 7:21 PM said...

A personal assistant is what you need. Or an apprentice, grunt or intern.

Ya got me thinking, though!

Jayne Martin on April 4, 2010 at 7:23 PM said...

So I think what you're saying is that women should just marry women and then get a "half-husband" for those times when it's actually our idea to have sex.

Right? ;)

The Queen on April 4, 2010 at 7:24 PM said...

I could totally do this..

ReformingGeek on April 4, 2010 at 7:29 PM said...

Um, yeah. Keep us posted on that!

Maybe we could split her.

Fragrant Liar on April 4, 2010 at 7:31 PM said...

HAHAHA, ditto what Jayne said.

Tracie on April 4, 2010 at 8:07 PM said...

Awesomeness Stirsonified??? I lurve you. Will you marry half of me?

gayle on April 4, 2010 at 8:51 PM said...

Great idea!! Let me know when you figure out more details :)

Alexandra on April 4, 2010 at 9:44 PM said...

Oh, absolutely. You've given words to my thoughts. A sister wife, that's precisely what's missing in this house. Someone I can vent to without being told how to fix it.

Please make this a possiblity.

Thank you.

Maggie on April 4, 2010 at 11:16 PM said...

I think that's a great idea! I could do with a half wife myself.

Lothiriel on April 4, 2010 at 11:59 PM said...

I love it!!! I need a half wife too!

Ziva on April 5, 2010 at 12:32 AM said...

Damn, I don't even have a Whole-Husband yet, and now I'm already thinking I'm going to be needing a Half-Wife.

Betty Manousos on April 5, 2010 at 1:34 AM said...

I find it brilliant!
And I love Traci, Stir Fry Awesomeness!Thanks for your lovely comments on my blog!:)
Hope you had a great Sunday!
Betty xx

Anonymous said...

I think you have hit the nail right on the head. Who needs a whole husband when you can get a half-wife!

Moooooog35 on April 5, 2010 at 5:54 AM said...

Even half a wife is half too much.

Anonymous said...

When you find one, can I have the other half?

Robin on April 5, 2010 at 6:46 AM said...

I want a whole wife...and a 1/2 husband...the "better half"...if ya know what I mean...!!

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on April 5, 2010 at 7:03 AM said...

I want a half wife too. Maybe we can split one?

MommaKiss on April 5, 2010 at 7:28 AM said...

I want a sisterwife, too. For things like helping to cook and clean - or entertaining my kids while I cook adn clean! But yeah - that wife will NOT be shared w/ the mr. Not Even the LITTLEST BIT!

Me-Me King on April 5, 2010 at 7:30 AM said...

Ahhh ha! My prayers have been answered! I have been unemployed for some time now without any success of finding the "perfect" job until now.

Where do I send my resume?

Camryn on April 5, 2010 at 7:50 AM said...

Brilliant idea! I need someone to come do my laundry and house could use a maid--er--half wife!

Unknown on April 5, 2010 at 8:39 AM said...

Ha! Ever since watching "Big Love" I knew I was meant to be a sister-wife! Too bad I am not Mormon or from Utah! Sign me up! I could use some full time sister wives and a part time husband!

Linda Medrano on April 5, 2010 at 10:33 AM said...

When I was single, I always wanted a wife more than a husband. Someone to care for the kids while I worked, cook meals, do laundry, etc. In return I would have supported her and made NO physical demands on her! I never found one, but now I think I really could use a half wife too. Keep me posted on how this works out!

Unknown on April 5, 2010 at 10:44 AM said...

LOL! Great idea! I need to have a clause in my sister-wife contract that includes handling the cooking, housework, and dog poop procurement.

Nancy C on April 5, 2010 at 10:45 AM said...

I love this. The man will get...the meals she prepares!

BugginWord on April 5, 2010 at 1:31 PM said...

I'd still rather have a vampire.

People Who Know Me Would Say: on April 5, 2010 at 2:31 PM said...

Screw the half wife! :) I want an entire staff.

drollgirl on April 5, 2010 at 2:31 PM said...

NO FAIR!! i don't even have a boyfriend or husband?!?!? where is my treat?!?!??!

Joann Mannix on April 5, 2010 at 2:49 PM said...

I want a half wife who will listen to my issues and not chalk them up to hormones every single time. I want a half wife who will watch movies with me. Not shoot em up movies, but love stories where everyone has English accents. My half wife would not sigh loudly through these said movies. I want a half wife who will tell me which shoe looks better because with a half wife you can trust her judgement on things like that.

Anonymous said...

That's why we have sista-friends...they always side with us and will make us laugh hard enough to forget about about wringing the husbands neck till the next time. All we have to do is return the favor. I'm lucky the husband is scared of my

Jen on April 5, 2010 at 5:02 PM said...

I don't need a half-wife, I need a full wife.
I've been wishing for a wife for decades. I need a wife to clean, organize, get the kids to school and I really wish someone would learn to cook around here. Oh, if I had a wife I could get so many things accomplished.

Friends are great but they don't come over and clean my house for me. I'd never let them. If I had a cleaning lady I'd be one of those people who cleaned the house before they arrived. If I had a wife I wouldn't have to worry about that kind of thing because she would keep my secrets, she would tell me my pants do or do not make my ass look fat (she'd tell the truth because she understands that kind of thing). She'd understand when I was being a wee bit irrational and she would have a stash of chocolate always on hand in case of emergencies. She would never leave dirty dishes in the sink and she would know exactly where the hamper is and what it is used for. She would be a dream come true.

Yes, I spend a lot of time thinking about my wife.

Unknown on April 5, 2010 at 6:52 PM said...

I need a wife who also cleans, cooks, does laundry, has sex with my husband, and does fun crafty things with my children. Oh, and she has to be my personal shopper, too. And my personal trainer. Dog groomer. Chauffeur. That should cover it.

But like someone else said, it might be easier to just clone myself. Still, a sister wife sounds mighty nice.

Claudya Martinez on April 5, 2010 at 9:33 PM said...

I'll be your half, if you will be my half.

Shannon K. on April 5, 2010 at 9:45 PM said...

So if you are able to procure said wife...please, oh please won't you let us all know so we can run right out and hop on board the genius train?

life in the mom lane on April 6, 2010 at 5:12 AM said...

I think your half wife should also do the laundry and all the cleaning... ok.. maybe not ALL the cleaning... you could split that up- but definitely ALL the laundry!

Unknown on April 6, 2010 at 7:38 AM said...

A real sister would fit the bill. Or a girl cousin. Or best friend. If you could talk her into moving into your house and family. It could trigger your husband inviting his golf buddies to move in, though.

Anonymous said...

it could absolutely work--and if she cooked and cleaned, i might even leave the husband for her.

Unknown on April 6, 2010 at 9:48 AM said...

I've been asking for a full blown wife for years... will you half-marry me??? LOL

Miss Spoken on April 6, 2010 at 10:29 AM said...

I got my half-wife off of eBay and all I had to do was send her third world parents a sack of rice and a goat.

Totally worth the postage.

Aunt Juicebox on April 6, 2010 at 1:53 PM said...

This is a good idea, see, because I was thinking I just needed 3 or 4 more husbands to serve me better than just the one I have. While I feel I'm up to the challenge of keeping them all happy, I also feel that they would make more of a mess than they would help clean up. A half wife is the perfect solution!

The Single Mothers Chronicles on April 6, 2010 at 5:01 PM said...

Cooking, cleaning and paying the bills and then I think you'll be set! We need Rosie from the Jetsons!!


Anonymous said...

You won last week! And looks like this is another win coming...check out Mami's comment about you!

Maxie on April 7, 2010 at 4:20 AM said...

I have taken on many a blog wife, but I don't have to actually do anything for them. Basically I get drunk, propose, and then we drunkenly cuddle. It works.

Salt on April 7, 2010 at 6:08 AM said...

This is brilliant! I wonder if they have a section over on Craig's List for this sort of thing? I think I'll put up an ad. :)

Buggys on April 7, 2010 at 6:31 AM said...

It looks like you need to start the interview process. It could take time to choose the perfect half wife, you want to be sure. I say a 90 day trial period is acceptable for all.

Mama Zen on April 7, 2010 at 7:37 AM said...

Oh, the possibilities!

Yankee Girl on April 7, 2010 at 8:45 AM said...

If you find her and it works, please pass on her number. Because if she is half yours, the other half can be shared, right?


I think this is a great idea.

JennyMac on April 7, 2010 at 10:25 AM said...

I am totally borrowing your half wife.

Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) on April 7, 2010 at 12:03 PM said...

So very funny! I have often said that I'm so swamped and overworked that I need a wife...or at the very least an in the Brady Bunch!!! Great idea!!!

God bless and have a wonderful Wednesday!!!

Andrea on April 7, 2010 at 2:43 PM said...

Uh yeah, that could totally work. Could she help out with household duties as well? If that's in the job description, sign me up, I want a half wife too.

tattytiara on April 8, 2010 at 6:06 PM said...

Now that, my dear, is inspired thinking.

Anonymous said...

You'll have to let me know how it works out. I need to know what to expect when I get my own half wife! =)

Gypsy on July 14, 2010 at 10:37 AM said...

Will she do the damn dishes? If so, I may have to get one of those myself.

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