Monday, May 9, 2011

Where Comments Go to Die













I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately.


Mainly because I am a SUCKER for a Psychic.




Let me explain.




There is this one radio Psychic that goes on air every week to “filter” long-lost dead relative messages of encouragement and warning out to the listener.


I’m not sure if an actual possession takes place in the studio but in my head there are many Linda Blair antics going on behind the scenes.


(And, if you can believe it, I am even a worse driver during these radio broadcasts)



Like you could concentrate while listening to dead people.



So the Psychic begins by baiting the “311-Dead Hotline” hook with:


“I’m feeling a strong “M” coming through…Mary, Martha..Mother…do you understand?”


First caller up, and you can practically taste the willingness to believe in the listener’s voice.



“Well…. my husband’s half sister on her father’s side was Muslim”




And….I’m hooked.



MORE! MORE!!



“I’m feeling like there has been an illness lately. I feel it in the lungs and chest area. Do you understand?”



“Wow! I’ve been having the worst allergies lately!”




Close enough. I won’t nitpick.




WHAT ELSE? WHAT ELSE?



“There is a strong maternal figure coming through she’s sa….”


“OMG! IT’S MY GRANDMOTHER!!! I LOVED MY GRANDMOTHER! WHAT’S SHE SAY?”



Jeeze lady, ever even say the word coy?



“She’s making me feel that you had to make a big decision recently. Do you understand”?



Pause.



Now the caller is crying.



OMG! WHAT DECISION? WHAT DECISION?!!



Sniff…


“Well, I recently had to go on Weight Watchers because I’ve gained few pounds”




ARE YOU KIDDING ME?




Is this what we are wasting dead people’s time with these days?




On a side sniff, I think when Chuck Woolery dies he’ll make an excellent Dead Connection host don’t you?



So after hearing this, I realized that I owed technology an apology. I’ve been cursing them quite colorfully for every comment that has disappeared after pressing the Publish Comment key when obviously






… The dead people have been doing it all along.





Placing blame correctly is important to me.




I knew the answer was right in front of me the whole time.




And for the dead record, I also blame them for accidentally deleting this post when I was trying to edit it and having to write it all over again.




...Happy Days! A whole new source of blame for me to play with!



Am I the only Psychic sucker?


Anyone else dying to talk to dead people?

29 comments:

Ed on May 10, 2011 at 10:52 AM said...

Talking to the dead can have grave consequences.



hahahahahaha

Moooooog35 on May 10, 2011 at 10:55 AM said...

I had a feeling you were going to write this.

ReformingGeek on May 10, 2011 at 11:12 AM said...

Sometimes I wish I could channel my dad to rig something with duct tape and bailing wire....or NOT. My mom is still finding "little surprises" all over the house.

Technology is great....WHEN IT WORKS!

Patty Punker on May 10, 2011 at 11:53 AM said...

a whole new source to blame! i like it. i like it a lot.

Jayne Martin on May 10, 2011 at 1:12 PM said...

Actually, I prefer dead people. The living are such a pain in the ass. Seriously, I've been to some psychics who were pretty damn right now. It doesn't scare me. It's actually kind of comforting.

drollgirl on May 10, 2011 at 3:11 PM said...

i think it is all a crock of shit, but perhaps entertaining! :)

Unknown Mami on May 10, 2011 at 5:32 PM said...

When Chuck Woolery dies he will be back in 2 and 2.

Daffy on May 10, 2011 at 6:02 PM said...

Have you seen my horoscope rewrites? I don't talk to dead people but I do tell the future. Good to know that its the dead sucking away all those comments that I just thought the damn google gnomes were stealing. I've been screaming at the wrong entities for quite some time. *sigh* Suppose that means I should be appologizes....meh....jack that noise! Someone can channel me once I'm dead and I'll apologize then *grin*

Lauren on May 10, 2011 at 8:44 PM said...

I believe there are true psychics. I don't like the charlatans that feed off vulnerable people.

You know the ones who enjoy eating liver with a nice chianti.

I thought Chuck Woolery was dead or a dead man walking. He's got that embalmed waxen look. It's so sexy!!!

THE SNEE on May 11, 2011 at 1:56 AM said...

You're definitely onto something! How come there isn't a reality show called The Dead Connection on network TV yet? Chuck Woolery would be the perfect host with his vast experience on The Family Feud!

Thanks for the laugh Mrs. Blogalot.

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick on May 11, 2011 at 5:17 AM said...

Funny, funny, funny!

B on May 11, 2011 at 7:34 AM said...

*snicker*

Linda Medrano on May 11, 2011 at 5:24 PM said...

Okay, you know those "peep shows" for "Live Nude Girls"? Okay, how about the alternative? We could find a tie in with a psychic! Girl, we'd make a fortune. (Yes, I understand I need therapy but I can't afford it right now.)

Ziva on May 12, 2011 at 9:12 AM said...

Oh my god, why don't we have shows like that in Finland?? I could totally be a psychic. "I can sense you've lost someone.. The letter K comes to me... No? ...must be a C then...? L..? P? B? F? E?"

Sandra on May 13, 2011 at 11:20 PM said...

I do. I admit it. But in my defence, they help with the laundry. They don't do a very good job, but then my husband is helpful and will do it for them.

Annie (Lady M) x on May 14, 2011 at 4:27 AM said...

Ha ha! You are kidding me? The caller was sucked in with that? I must admit I do have a fascination with psychics, but only in the sense that if I could be convinced it would be a truly amazing thing. But I'm not convinced yet ;-)

The Single Mothers Chronicles on May 14, 2011 at 8:03 AM said...

I am totally addicted to reading horoscopes (prefer Sally Brompton in the NY Post but will consciously cheat on her all the time) and palm readers.
Swati

Robin on May 15, 2011 at 7:04 AM said...

......Im not into the whole horoscope psychic thing but . Im with Jayne....dead people are so easy to get along with..!! sometimes I do stop and pause when that guy that does readings to the audience is on..I forgot his name...? but I always like to see the progression of information that leads to his connection...actually hes from right here where I live..Oh Yeah Edwards is his last name...anyway...I saw him in Stop and Shop one day....he was talking to himself...Hahahaha..!

Paige on May 15, 2011 at 9:22 AM said...

muahaha this post is why i love you so much!

Mrsblogalot on May 15, 2011 at 4:13 PM said...

Pretty sure that when Blogger went out the other day, Gary Coleman was laughing his ass off.

Katherine on May 21, 2011 at 6:57 AM said...

I actually went to one with a friend just before I met the man I married. She said to be careful of someone foreign who wasn't what he appeared to be. Well, the same week I met my husband to be I met another man who was Irish, dark dark hair, dark skin, not sure where that came from. But very foreign looking. I was hooked - he was an artist type. Bottom line he lied, said he watched his friend's child a lot but it turned out to be HIS child... my thought, "why lie...?" He had even asked me to marry him - I love kids, so "why lie?" He lost and the other guy one. BUT, many many years later, the GREEK I married turned out indeed to NOT be what he appeared to be, which made me believe even more!

Herrad on May 22, 2011 at 6:53 AM said...

Hi Mrs Blogalot,

Good to visit your blog.

Sorry about my lack of visits.
Spike's, our dog, illness, quick death and being so ill jan/feb to march meant no visits
Since then I have been spending more time sitting in my wheelchair I have also not been visiting.

I just passed by to say hello.
I hope you are doing well.
Love,
Herrad

Brilliant Sulk on May 22, 2011 at 8:01 AM said...

Dead people are so annoying. Can't get through the day without one of them getting me drunk and making me pick up strange men in the parking lot of Target.

Joann Mannix on May 25, 2011 at 12:28 PM said...

It's the dead people? Seriously? I have been blaming the geeks of Blogger who live in my computer and purposely f**ck things up just to get their jollies in between bong hits and their turn at Dungeons and Dragons.

Crap. I guess I owe the Blogger geeks an apology.

But then again, they've screwed me over plenty and you do NOT want to make dead people mad.

carma on May 25, 2011 at 6:57 PM said...

Oh, I get totally roped into that stuff too - part of me would love to have one of those "past life regressions" done even though it is most likely a bunch of hooey!

Kristy on May 29, 2011 at 1:06 PM said...

I would definitely get sucked into that too. You are not alone in loving the trashy drama that truly has not basis for intelligent thought. Been a while since you blogged this. Hope you're ok!

The Blue Zoo on June 1, 2011 at 10:20 PM said...

lmao Oh my, I cant believe I almost missed this one! I wish they had that show here.

MommaKiss on June 2, 2011 at 7:42 AM said...

I would totally talk to dead people. Not while driving though. No way.

Simply Suthern on June 6, 2011 at 7:32 AM said...

Psychic, Psycho, Hmmmmm Not much differende there Huh?? LOL

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