Saturday, November 21, 2009

Eyes on Your Own Paper Mister!








Q) What is worse than a cheating husband?

A) Why the rancid whores that cheat with him of course.

Now I’m not much for rules. For example, when my son goes over to visit a friend, I run down a mother-load of rules that would likely choke a rhino but the only rule that I really care about is that he doesn’t crap in someone else’s toilet.

But not much I can do about that one can I?

But there are some rules that should not be flushed as easily.

Last I heard, Not Cheating wrote the book on How to Stay Married and Not Kill Someone. It’s a bestseller in prison, I’m told.

Recently a new co-worker of about five months decided to shower me with the gruesome details of her cheating spouse. These cheat sheets come on a daily and sometimes hourly basis.

Now I love a good train wreck as much as the next guy but when there are kids getting caught in the tracks, count me out. Negative zero tolerance.

Q) Why did she choose to bestow me with this unwanted dirty load?

A) I must have added a little too much Please-Be-Sure-To-Vomit-Unwanted-Information-All-Over-Me- perfume.

I want off this train.

And I blame The Anti-Christ- Google for Cheaters Facebook. They started all this. She would have never found out about -not one- but TWO of his extrees otherwise.

All she had to do was friend a friend of a friend of his friend of a friend of her friend who friended hi…. and viola!

Cheating Husband and Bitches Palooza.

What happened to the good ole days when you just became President and just got plain caught?

Now showing in Car One-A lewd Facebook porn collage of piece one and piece two, respectively of course.

Car Two displays a an epic novel in process showcasing a mistress’s eternal patience and undying love -Until He’s Free…On my blog, I kid you not.

Are you listening Lifetime? Stop filling people’s heads with such asscrack plot ideas!

There are two-piece love letters ga-whore plastered all over this dirty train. And apparently, cheater husband and piece-one even go to therapy together once a week.

This cannot end well.

And I know way too much for an innocent (drama kills) co-worker bystander.

I could wind up calling in dead if I’m not careful.

Q) How bad could I get hurt if I jumped the tracks at full speed?

A) ?

Jane! Stop this crazy thing!!!

34 comments:

BugginWord on November 21, 2009 at 8:41 AM said...

Holy God that's a hot mess. The only advice I can offer is START DRINKING NOW.

Tamara on November 21, 2009 at 9:37 AM said...

Oh my god girl...get off that train right now!! What a mess!! Before you end of like Penelope tied to the tracks with it baring down on you.

This world is sooooooo messed up isn't it?? ugh

Pearl on November 21, 2009 at 1:52 PM said...

I think people think that if they tell you that it will lessen their own culpability. Next time it looks like someone's about to unload the sordid details of what's currently make them feel guilty, hold up both hands and tell them you couldn't possibly take on any more secrets!!!

Pearl

p.s. As for FB, you need to "hide" those people!

lagunatic on November 21, 2009 at 4:46 PM said...

Well, luckily, Christmas is just around the corner - you can buy your co-worker a muzzle.

Amo on November 21, 2009 at 7:11 PM said...

So sorry you have to listen to that every day! Yikes! That is a mess and it's exhausting, I'm sure, to listen to. Just imagining it wears me out.

Noelle on November 21, 2009 at 8:20 PM said...

ew. sounds like someone's husband needs to be neutered. imho. another reason i hate fb.

Sophia's Mom on November 21, 2009 at 8:48 PM said...

i hate cheating husbands!!!
so sorry you got pulled into this lifetime original series.

it's hard cuz you don't want to be insensitive. but you have to figure out a way to get out of that mess!

http://www.thewannabewahm.com

Ordinary Housewife on November 22, 2009 at 5:21 AM said...

If he got caught through Facebook, he's too stupid to deserve to be married anyway. Geesh . . .

HeartsMakeFamilies on November 22, 2009 at 12:44 PM said...

I left you an award on my blog. http://www.heartsmakefamilies.com/2009/11/morning-coffee-handing-out-lemonade-and.html

Unknown Mami on November 22, 2009 at 5:51 PM said...

Wow! Well, the least the wife can do is de-friend her husband on FB.

Mrsblogalot on November 23, 2009 at 4:04 AM said...

This will definitely put an end to my open door policy!!!!

Martha on November 23, 2009 at 9:17 AM said...

Sometimes they just don't pay you enough to be caught up in the workplace drama!

Thank you for stopping by my blog, I appreciate it.

Aunt Becky on November 23, 2009 at 9:10 PM said...

Holy shit. That is one hot mess.

Tawnia on November 24, 2009 at 12:49 AM said...

Rancid whores! I love that! I just found my new phrase:) You are funny girl!
Love Tawnia

ellen on November 24, 2009 at 3:34 AM said...

Hello! Finding a way to reaching out. God Bless!

Eternally Distracted on November 24, 2009 at 4:51 AM said...

I just looked to my left and am so glad that me co worker wants to share no more than a half hearted smile in the morning ... thank god for headphones :0)

Christine on November 24, 2009 at 4:59 AM said...

Holy balls......that just sucks.
Love the title...and most excellent advice, I might add.
I've only got family and a few friends on Facebook, I'll never catch him that way:) Of course I don't want to catch him in any way, but that quite possibly could be the worst...with all the dirty laundry for the world to see. Sheeeesh, times are a changin', that's fer sure.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy on November 24, 2009 at 6:22 AM said...

OMG, the only thing I hate more than that is the person who won't stop talking about all their medical problems. Medical science needs to come up with a medication for oversharing.

Mad Mom on November 24, 2009 at 6:29 AM said...

Oh wow... bring in your MP3 player and just tune her out! You definitely need a good glass of wine after work!

flatbrokeblog on November 24, 2009 at 8:21 AM said...

I say, "Good riddance" to this girl's husband. I wouldn't want to be married to someone stupid enough to post such sordid activities to Facebook.

Check out lamebook.com . There's even worse crap people post to there. It'll brighten your day more than kittens and rainbows.

LucyCooper on November 24, 2009 at 2:37 PM said...

Depressing, depressing. I did read an article in Newsweek about the phenomenon of re-kindled high school romances on Facebook, and the havoc the (obviously) wreak when one or both people are married. Facebook is so white-bread, who'd have ever thought it could be a playground for infidelity?

Swati on November 24, 2009 at 7:12 PM said...

Ugh. Horrible. There is no excuse for cheating (which I know 1st hand). I am sorry you have to listen to it...I'd have to decline as I have such strong thoughts about it. Why can't people just move on when they aren't all the way :there: anyway?? grrr.
Swati

Two Normal Moms on November 24, 2009 at 8:51 PM said...

OMG - cover your ears and sing la-la-la-la-la until she goes away! Really, do people not realize that other people READ Facebook? How can they be so stupid? Oh that's right, if they are stupid enough to cheat in the first place....
***Ally

Michele on November 25, 2009 at 12:52 AM said...

OMG.. how do you deal with that everyday? That would drive me insane. What a crazy, mess!!

The girl with the flour in her hair on November 25, 2009 at 3:10 PM said...

Ah, facebook. The things we learn.

I've learned entirely too many things about my accountant via facebook. Somethings should be sacred.

Sounds like you get a lot done at work. :)

Mrsblogalot on November 25, 2009 at 3:23 PM said...

Thanks you guys! Oy! You were all so right.

And so with every story, there is eventually closure (sometimes of door in ones face)

But before it was slammed.....

Co-worker confronts cheater

Cheater cries and says sorry

Co-worker forgives him

I fight the urge to vomit

Co-worker says he is really going to try this time

I hold my hand up and tell her I must now go throw up

Co-worker gets the hint....this door is now closed

Whew!!! Glad that's over..... (for me at least) (-:

Nezzy on November 25, 2009 at 6:01 PM said...

This farm chick is blushing! I just popped in to wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving.

God bless ya'll!!!

Melissa on November 25, 2009 at 7:03 PM said...

What in the world is this woman doing?? Why is she still with her hubby? I want through the same, I know all the details but the other spouse doesn't drama with neighbors a few years ago. it doesn't end well. It never ends well.

Melissa on November 25, 2009 at 7:03 PM said...

P.S I am a new follower! I love your blog!!! Hilarious!

The Absence of Alternatives on November 25, 2009 at 7:50 PM said...

This comment has nothing to do with the cheater story... I just need a place to wish you:

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

AWESOME!

tattytiara on November 26, 2009 at 8:58 PM said...

Sometimes you just need to sit back and watch people like they were on tv, you know? Just make some snacks and let them live out their little dramas without any input.

*josie* on November 27, 2009 at 5:09 AM said...

i enjoyed reading this, LOL .., no problem with the hubby anyway.. found your site from MBC and following you, hope you have the time to visit me here

http://www.josieswindow.info
http://www.josieskitchen.info

morethanahousewife on November 28, 2009 at 1:01 PM said...

This is my first visit to your page and I love it. I used to have a single friend who got involved with two married men (not at the same time, but that doesn't really make it any better). We're no longer friends because I couldn't stand the drama and she couldn't stand my upfront, blunt advice. As a married woman I have zero tolerance for a "friend" of mine breaking up marriages. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
Mandy
BTW...Thanks for grabbing my button (it didn't hurt) and I've got yours up on my blog now, too if you want to check it out.

Nona on December 5, 2009 at 2:06 PM said...

Hello Mrs. BlogsALot, first time reader, first time commenter:

Daaaaayyyyummm. Don't you just HATE getting caught in the vacuum of other people's dirt. I used to share a cubicle with the Drama Queen of the South for two years it stressed me the hell out.

Keep that door tightly closed. Once the drama gets in it's really hard to get out.

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