Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Douche Movement









I believe that it is time for bowels to step aside and let The Douche Movement take over.

Nothing against a good bowel movement but sometimes a girl needs some extra cleansing.

Yeah, I’ve been drinking. Since when does anyone like a sober blogger?

So in this movement the blogger cleanses all feelings of angst and woe. Curses all enemies and fears. Name calls all those worthy. Bloggy slams all husbands. And then let’s the cleansing satisfaction seep out as any good douche would do.

In other words....your typical blog...Summer's Eve style.

Here is my weekly contribution to The Douche Movement:

“Oh honey" I purr sleepily "I’m so tired after eating all that turkey. How about you?”

“Tired from turkey? Now what cracker made that crap up?” He snorts.

“It’s true, there is an ingredient in the turkey called tryptophan and it makes you tired”

“So it couldn’t be that you stuffed your face so damn much and blabbed at the same time that your jaw is now suffering from acute exhaustion? It has to be blamed on a mystery turkey ingredient?”

GRRRRRR “Well yeah”….Anyway, what want are we doing tonight?”

Husband looks at his paycheck "Well let me check" dramatic pause …. "yup..Nothing”

OOOOOOLLLLLrightythen......“Well, probably a good thing….I heard on the news that there is a rapist out on the loose. We all have to be careful”

Mr. Perpetual Eye Roll says “Like there’s not always a rapist running around out there. Just because you hear about one on the news, doesn’t mean that there aren’t millions already running around out there. Does the weather man have to come on TV and tell everyone he has a dick or shouldn’t you just know certain things?”

Now could it be his inner machinations of working curiosity that manifests an unknown resentment of an even deeper manifestation of pondering, which secretly harbors ill will towards the stupid and lame brained?

Or is he just an ass?

There. Weekly Douche Movement completed. I encourage all bloggers to create their own weekly and unique douche movement in an effort to cleanse and revive the …..Palette.

Before you get all backed up and explode. Then you would have to join The Enema Movement and that is for the boy bloggers. What? They need to douche too!

Screw milk...Douching does a body good!

Now sing it with me....Summer's Eve makes me feel fine....

You know? I think I’ll drink more often.


Proud member of The Douche Movement how about you?

37 comments:

Jeniel- what's wrong with mommy? on November 29, 2009 at 5:46 PM said...

OMG you killed me with this post! Also, I totally thought he was being kind of tool-ish, so I get the need to post this. For me, the classic "You're a douche" moment was right after everyone enjoyed the Thanksgiving Day meal I prepared for my family at my mom's house, being reminded to clean up the mess I made in her kitchen. Because obviously I hadn't done enough for the day.

adrienzgirl on November 29, 2009 at 6:18 PM said...

Good Lord Woman! You had some serious pent up aggression in that one. :D
Funny though.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen on November 29, 2009 at 6:38 PM said...

I douche every day. It is the only way that I won't blow my brains out....

The girl with the flour in her hair on November 29, 2009 at 7:35 PM said...

"Summer's Eve makes me feel fine"...that song will never be the same for me. I will, from this point on, fall on the floor in hysterics when I hear it. Thank you.

This is a movement I am seriously considering joining. Do we get to wear cool hats or anything?

kys on November 29, 2009 at 7:46 PM said...

That was a good one! Are you feeling fresh now?

Manic-Momma on November 29, 2009 at 9:28 PM said...

HAHA


Love it. Thanks for the laugh tonight!

Ida Red (aka Richele) on November 29, 2009 at 9:31 PM said...

Wow...I really needed a laugh. To think I just came over to get your blog address right to thank you for the award on my blog. I am NEVER disappointed coming here!

Unknown Mami on November 29, 2009 at 11:19 PM said...

I don't douche, but I know a douche when I see or hear one.

blueviolet on November 30, 2009 at 4:53 AM said...

Wait, my husband pulled that trytophan thing on me too. Whatever. Douche.

Noelle on November 30, 2009 at 8:09 AM said...

is that what you call a douche "bag"? my kids have been throwing that one around lately...

i like your idea to vent and feel fresher. kind of like purgeing all the crap you've been eating all week...you know, like bulimia.

wow...i have no idea where this stuff is coming from. i'm scaring myself.

The Wifey on November 30, 2009 at 9:45 AM said...

I about keeled over!
You've got a new follower!

I called my hubbs a douche once, and do you know what he said? "I've gotta get p***y somehow," further displaying his level of douchieness.

*rolls eyes*

Gillian on November 30, 2009 at 11:31 AM said...

Can we purge instead? Douching just sounds so fekkin' NASTY.

Ali (OneChicMommy) on November 30, 2009 at 11:54 AM said...

Oh gosh, I am on the floor over here! I love this post and do believe thatI need to join the movement!

Jen on November 30, 2009 at 11:56 AM said...

You must drink and post more often. This was hilarious. I don't think I have ever used the word Douche in a post. I like the idea of a movement however.

As for the Trytophan it is true. After cooking and cleaning for three days straight I fell asleep as soon as dinner was over.

Thanks for the great start to a dreary monday.

Ann's Rants on November 30, 2009 at 3:48 PM said...

Do you ever get that mmmm-not so fresh feeling?

The Absence of Alternatives on November 30, 2009 at 4:47 PM said...

As the Japanese say: Kampai! Bottom's up my friend! To the wine/orwhateveralcohol you are drinking. NOT Summer's Eve. But I guess bottom's up to Summer's Eve will work too. But maybe more appropriate to the boys' movement... Anyway. Speaking of Summer's Eve, I have douched out the other day. ;-) And yes, I need to do it on a regular basis lest I implode.

Captain Dumbass on November 30, 2009 at 7:04 PM said...

Wow. If I dropped all that on my wife she'd have handed me my ass. I like the Douche Movement idea. You could also go with the Tuesday Bidet.

Naomi de la Torre on November 30, 2009 at 7:38 PM said...

killing me...you are one funny gal! love your posts. they always keep me laughing.

organicmotherhoodwithcoolwhip.com

morethanahousewife on November 30, 2009 at 9:35 PM said...

OH...MY...GOSH!!! Took me a bit to compose myself to let you know this is hilarious!! Love it, love it, love it. Maybe we should start a "Douche Day" where we all write once a week about what/who is irking us and link up to eachother. =D

My name is PJ. on December 1, 2009 at 5:04 AM said...

It's a shame neither one of you can express what you really feel at any given moment!

So, has the annoying feeling of not being fresh enough subsided for the moment. Was it good for you? It was HILARIOUS for us!

Mandy's Life After 30 on December 1, 2009 at 6:26 AM said...

You want me to douche? I can hardly remember to take a daily shower?!

But bowel movements, that is something I can get behind! I love it when I can go TWICE in ONE day! :-) In fact I think my coffee is barking....

Christine on December 1, 2009 at 7:40 AM said...

Geeez....guessing your hubby needs to sign-up for the boy enema....LMAO.

Hmmm....haven't seen the Summer's Eve promos in a long time, but thanks alot for putting that catchy little ditty in my head! ;)

Sophia's Mom on December 1, 2009 at 8:50 AM said...

LOL!!!
What you have on your hands is one of the oldest mysteries of human kind!
Are our husbands just socially challenged or just plain asses?

Just to share, my hubby and I got into an argument about my blog and I said "You are basically telling me to f**k myself!" his response? "Can I watch?"

He thought is was hysterical! Me? Not so much!

Tamara on December 1, 2009 at 10:05 AM said...

OMG hahahahaha this was hysterical! I'm joining you in this Douche Movement, I need a good cleansing too before I explode and spew god knows what all over the place.
I'll be doing my cleansing tomorrow on my blog. LOL
Thanks for the laugh as always. :)

Fabulously40.com on December 1, 2009 at 12:02 PM said...

Count me in :) and thanks for the laugh

Men move aside now women can pee standing up, what's next? http://bit.ly/5crDGM

Mrsblogalot on December 1, 2009 at 2:15 PM said...

I think my husband's not speaking to me. It's kinda hard to tell..

What a waste. All douched up and no place to go.

LucyCooper on December 1, 2009 at 6:52 PM said...

I'm dreamin' of summer- cool breezes, fresh air..... (musical notes)

Oh hell yeah, I can still recall and sing that commercial jingle. What is a good memory for if not being able to regurgitate commercials at a moment's notice?

Tawnia on December 1, 2009 at 10:08 PM said...

You are super funny when you are on the sauce! I just love you, i'm just sayin:)
Love Tawnia

marielle on December 2, 2009 at 12:18 AM said...

Hello there! Enjoy the week. God Bless!

The Peach Tart on December 2, 2009 at 11:19 AM said...

I feel that fresh feeling coming on.

Moooooog35 on December 2, 2009 at 4:41 PM said...

Is it just me, or does this post smell like vinegar?

Mrsblogalot on December 3, 2009 at 4:40 AM said...

I'd like to thank all of my bloggy friends for their gracious and concerned couch offerings ....thankfully, my friend BJ and I were able to smooth the whole thing over (-:

~Shelley~ on December 9, 2009 at 5:52 AM said...

THAT was freakin' hysterical!!! OMG!! Love your blog! You def have a new follower!

BTW..Summer's Eve is my all-time favorite song...yeah, I'm a 70's girl!

~Shelley~ on December 9, 2009 at 5:54 AM said...

My blog is a little different than yours ;) But if you like free samples, coupons, recipes, and reviews&giveaways, please come over and visit me~

www.shelleysswag.blogspot.com

Mammatalk on December 9, 2009 at 5:17 PM said...

Oh, you sure got my attention with this one! Hysterical!

marymac on December 15, 2009 at 2:41 PM said...

LOVE IT! As you know, one of my biggest challenges as a blogger is finding new ways to use the word "Douche" so BRAVO!
Thanks for your sweet comment today!
Love ya!

LZ on December 21, 2009 at 11:06 AM said...

Douche is one of the best words out there...both as a noun and a verb. Truly conveys its meaning...
having said that, sounds like you truly needed to douche...I would have been pissy at his disbelief about tryptophan...who HASN'T heard of it? He deserved it...

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