Sunday, September 12, 2010

Jew Hoo












So last week I was conveniently Jewish for the holiday.


I figured, new job, new bosses...need to get ‘em trained right off the bat right?


Yessiree…


If there is an optional, religious holiday day off in question, sticker me Jewish please.


Nobody has ever questioned my Jewishness before.


Before last week that is….



Obviously Not Jewish Boss: “So what holiday is this anyway? I can never keep all of them straight.”


Who made you the Holiday Jew Police?


....and plus....er... I don't know.


Starting to Sweat Convenient Jew: “It’s a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very religious holiday. We don’t like to talk about it”


Obviously Not Jewish Boss: “So what will you do on your day off? Go to temple?”


What’s with the inquisition Helen Hitler?


Now Schvitzing Profusely Convenient Jew: “Err, um..” searching Jewish…. Memory….Banks….Grandmother's...words...fading....fast


“cough, cough” - oh this is good - “cough, cough…something… caught…. In…throat, cough” grabs neck for effect.


MIGHT


DIE


RIGHT


ON


SPOT


Peeks one eye open....... Obviously Not Jewish Boss still staring.


So much for water for the choking Jewish girl.


Maybe she wants me dead.


Remind me to check her office for ovens.


Recovering Convenient Jew: “Cough, cough....Whew, that was a close one! …Sooooo…errr…what about those Irish laughing it up at funerals huh?...”





*Jew cricket?*





This Jewish thing is getting tough.


I might have to change jobs if this keeps up.


Is it too early to put in for Chanukah?


Nobody ever questions that one…thank God!

43 comments:

A Daft Scots Lass on September 13, 2010 at 2:42 AM said...

do some Joo studying..

Hillary on September 13, 2010 at 3:22 AM said...

Next Jewish holiday - Yom Kippur, day of repentance. We don't eat. We mourn for our sins and ask forgiveness of g-d and everyone else. We spend endless hours in the synagogue talking about how hungry we are.

After that - Sukkot (Festival of the Tabernacles) - no one knows what it is but we eat in a straw hut while shaking a lulav and etrog.

Good luck with your Joo studying...

Lauren on September 13, 2010 at 4:27 AM said...

I get all the Jewish holidays confused, and I've been Jewish for quite some time. Since birth in fact. I just started a new job, so I didn't put in for the last joowish holiday. I ate Chinese food with the goyim. I couldn't even spell goyim right. I spelled it goyem. Google yelled, "Did you mean: goyim?" I could hear this Seinfeld Miami Beach thing going on in my head. But then again my head is rather crowded.

Simply Suthern on September 13, 2010 at 5:31 AM said...

School was out here for the holiday. I didnt even know it was a holiday. With my accent I dont think I could get by pretending to be Jewish. I have enuff trouble playing me without trying to be something else. I do love my fried fish on Fridays tho. Ya reckon that's where the word Fryday comes from?

Good Luck with the training and breaking in "Not Jewish Boss".

Moooooog35 on September 13, 2010 at 5:51 AM said...

You may not want to read my post about Hitler's choice of moustache today.

Just sayin'.

ReformingGeek on September 13, 2010 at 5:57 AM said...

Oven?

Oh, MrsBlogalot, that was awful.

Convection or microwave?

As for the learning, you might start with Wiki.

;-)

Ziva on September 13, 2010 at 6:15 AM said...

Hehe.. I've been conveniently sick, dying, mourning a long lost second cousin, thrice removed whom I had never actually met, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Catholic and once even a redorming nun. I've had my appendix removed more times than I can remember and somehow I managed to catch the bird flu twice and the swine flu three times. Imagine that.

BigSis on September 13, 2010 at 6:16 AM said...

I knew it! As an HR Director I am CONVINCED that people adopt religions based on holidays and don't really know which holiday it is - just that they get the day off. Thanks for confirming my suspicions.

Lisa@GrandmasBriefs on September 13, 2010 at 6:59 AM said...

The only thing I know about anything Jewish is the word verklempt. Or is that Yiddish? Are Jewish and Yiddish the same??

BugginWord on September 13, 2010 at 7:49 AM said...

I was out with a friend from Israel on Thursday then suddenly realized what day it was. I ignorantly said without thinking, "Wait, aren't you supposed to rush-a-home-a today?" She replied, "It's about celebration. I'm celebrating. Next week is the somber one."

So now you're all set for this week.

Quirkyloon on September 13, 2010 at 9:20 AM said...

*snort*

Even I knew it was ... the Roshie one! hee hee Kidding!

So did you still get the day off? I hope so!

Cheryl D. on September 13, 2010 at 10:04 AM said...

LOL! I think your boss is onto you! LOL

The Blue Zoo on September 13, 2010 at 10:24 AM said...

LOL I guess you'll have to actually learn some of the holidays!

Joann Mannix on September 13, 2010 at 10:35 AM said...

My sister is a converted Jew, but I still can't keep all their holidays straight.

I like saying, Rosh Hashanah. It's a kicky little word, just like my sister's little Jewish mother in law.

smArtee on September 13, 2010 at 11:01 AM said...

...BwHahahah..you should just start talking Jibberish....Or Yiddish...(fake it if you need to)
and maybe Obviously Not Jewish Boss...would be like..."Oy Vay...alright already...take your holiday...!"....

Linda Pressman on September 13, 2010 at 12:38 PM said...

Over here by way of Island Roar, and actually a Jew who sat in services on Thursday (but not Friday - did you know you could have gotten TWO days off???!)

And, what a drag, Yom Kippur falls on Saturday this year. Oh well. :)

Linda Medrano on September 13, 2010 at 12:44 PM said...

Girl, I'm not even Jewish and I know it was Rosh Hoshona. (Okay, I don't know how to spell it.) What a jerk the Boss Lady is. I'm confused. Is a Convenient Jew anything like me, a counterfeit Catholic?

drollgirl on September 13, 2010 at 12:45 PM said...

bah! i used to work with a smart but awful chick. long story. anywhoo, she tried to cash in on ALL holidays by saying she was raised catholic, but that her step-father was jewish. witch! she didn't have a religious bone in her body and was a total scam artist. but i have to admit it was a smart ploy to get more time off, and IT WORKED. :[

Annie (Lady M) x on September 13, 2010 at 12:48 PM said...

You pretended to be a Jew to get an extra holiday?! Ha ha - you are a girl after my own heart. I always pretend to be a Jehovah's Witness so I don't have to buy anyone Christmas presents... Yo sista!

Patty Punker on September 13, 2010 at 1:30 PM said...

the nice thing about being irish is when the skeptical boss asks what i'm doing on my day off i can say "drinking," and there's never anymore questions asked.

Deb on September 13, 2010 at 3:16 PM said...

I'd get kicked out of the Jew world, if I ever tried to belong to the Jew world. Those doilies on the heads of little bald men just crack me up!

Yeah I know, I just offended all your Jewish doily wearers. Oy.

Life in the mom lane on September 13, 2010 at 7:23 PM said...

I think everyone should be multicultural and have off -- problem solved! ;)

Brahm (alfred lives here) on September 13, 2010 at 8:29 PM said...

Hee hee hee -- top secret holiday! Holy crap, we are the jews, what is top secret, we talk about every damn thing endlessly!

I do not really follow or celebrate at all, but am Jewish, and have a very Jewish sounding name. So when my boss asks how to accomdate, I get to leave a couple of hours early for family dinners.

Day one family dinner: we went to see Angelina Jolie in SALT.

Day two: bowling, with what I am guessing were non-kosher hot dogs.

Boy that sounds really horrible as I type it out...

An Imperfect Momma on September 14, 2010 at 10:11 AM said...

HAHAHA! You are just awesome lady.

Captain Dumbass on September 14, 2010 at 11:13 AM said...

I used the Jewish card on my inlaws when I didn't want to eat the pork dish they served.

Saucy B on September 14, 2010 at 4:06 PM said...

hahaha. Too funny. I am convinced I am Jewish in a parallel universe.

Daffy on September 14, 2010 at 7:18 PM said...

Will you be Italian come Colombus Day? You might have to alter the way you pronounce those cheeses lmao...umm...are there typos in my comment? I can't seem to find my "i give a shit" feeling today.

Hmmm....is there a holiday for that too?

tsonodablog on September 14, 2010 at 10:38 PM said...

OH Joo are so funny! My stomach hurts. Thanks a lot.

Too dang funny.

My name is PJ. on September 15, 2010 at 6:00 AM said...

You're out of your mind!!! I think you should start bringing bagels and lox in at least once a week...maybe some extra for Helen Hitler. MWAHAHAHA!

MommaKiss on September 15, 2010 at 7:33 PM said...

I was all "Love the Jews" for giving my kid a break during his first week of Kindy. Looks like you need to study up, my friend!

Andrea (ace1028) on September 15, 2010 at 8:47 PM said...

Oh my! Let me know the next time you need some tutoring in all things Jewish. I'm here for you, Mamala! :)

madtexter (corey james) on September 16, 2010 at 9:10 AM said...

I am selfishly redirecting you to my blog today, because my friend Brian needs your support about adopting a puppy that needs a loving home. Please visit and leave your comments of support for him at: http://www.madtexter.com/2010/09/pause-for-paws.html

Hippest Snippets on September 16, 2010 at 5:10 PM said...

We just answer Christmas if anyone asks what holiday is coming up. This tends to get awkward looks.

We love this blog!

Midwestern Mama Holly on September 16, 2010 at 6:08 PM said...

Next time ... Google it *before* you ask. LOL

Tiffany on September 16, 2010 at 6:58 PM said...

Roshashana? is that one? maybe?

i'm black (and *not* Sammy Davis); i have no idea.

The Absence of Alternatives on September 16, 2010 at 10:12 PM said...

LOL. So this weekend is a big one. You could get out of working on Friday right? I have to be home by Sundown! Otherwise, otherwise, I will... I will, burst into flames! Figuratively of course. You know, the guilt makes you feel like you are on fire... etc etc. Actually, you should have taken this week off: don't you need to cleanse half of the stuff inside your house and seal it inside one room or sell it to a Rabi or something? LOL.

This post reminds me of a postcard on this http://www.postsecret.com/

The Absence of Alternatives on September 16, 2010 at 10:13 PM said...

Tiffany cracks me up. Between the two of you I am dying...

Jayne Martin on September 17, 2010 at 8:20 AM said...

Way to give it a go, girlfriend. I think everyone should get all religious holidays off regardless of whether or not they're of that particular persuasion. Let's just call them all inter-faith holidays.

Nezzy on September 17, 2010 at 12:04 PM said...

Yep girl, if your gonna pull this one off ya need to study up on the subject! Careful or she'll ask ya to work Christmas Day!

You have a terrific week!!!

Kristy on September 19, 2010 at 1:27 PM said...

I have to admit, that if I chose a different religion, it may be Jewish!

MiMi on September 20, 2010 at 8:49 AM said...

OMG, this is HILARIOUS!!!
Also, isn't Temple something LDS people do???
Isn't it Synagogue?? Did I even spell that right? I live in a very NON Jew area...meaning there are NONE here. Wonder why? We'd love em!

Paige on September 23, 2010 at 12:17 PM said...

um im totally being a jew @ my next job!

Clueless_Mama on September 29, 2010 at 8:41 PM said...

That was too funny. My hubby is Jewish, but he never gets a day off.

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