'Oh My God….My mother would have…..'
'If that was my mother…'
I hear these phrases all of the time…and mostly from inside my own head!
It's funny…but I don’t remember my mother carrying around a loaded gun or a bullhorn.
I never had any broken bones or lacerations….a couple of loose screws maybe but no real harm. And I don’t ever recall a visit from the cops or Social Services.
Maybe I was drugged. Who knows?
To my recollection, no arrests were ever made and nobody was in the witness protection program.
Yet.... there was an absolute, unbreakable no-bull line in our house that we simply did not cross.
We just didn't dare.
And you know what? I think we grew up fine and dandy.
Most of my friends have voiced these same phrases over the years and they all seem to be healthy and all in one piece as well.
So what exactly crowned our mothers with this lofty and unshakable title of Mama Hard Ass?
Thinking back, I can’t pinpoint just one thing. But when something comes up now (like children wilding in public perhaps) I get a strong visual of a no-crap mother who would have gladly committed murder rather than let her child behave in such a way.
Is my memory faulty?
Am I forgetting something?
Were my screws knocked loose to erase all memory of abuse?
Was that the plan all along?
Then I wonder if I am doing all that I can to earn this prominent Mama Hard Ass title so that my son will shake his head in the future after viewing some real-life random episode of Kids Gone Wild while repeating the 'my mother would have…' phrase.
Damn right I am!!! (-:
How about you?
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40 comments:
I don't have kids yet, but I had such a strong fear of my mother as well and she never put a harmful hand on me. Even know, she can give me that look and I want to coil up inside myself.
When I have kids, I am going to have her teach me all about that look!
No kids yet here either, but I am so afraid i'm going to be ridiculously lenient. I'm such a sucker.
No kids here, but I'm not too old to remember the time you're talking about. You're absolutely right on. My mom wasn't particularly strict, but I remember it being a time when there was just an acceptable code of conduct. Not anymore.
My mother wasn't a hardass because she couldn't catch us due to her stroke, but she could yell and call our father. My friend's mother on the other hand could aim a shoe and hit her target with sharpshooter precision. You didn't mess with her. And we all turned out okay.
As for me, when they were little I would drag them out of the store by and ear if necessary, if they cried the ear got twisted. It only had to happen once. Now all I have to do is shoot daggers at them with my eyes.
Go Moms, go!
I think most moms are given the ability to kill with their "looks".
I remember that line, too! I am trying desperately to get one for my own kids. Consistancy, consistancy, consistancy. That's my downfall!
Oh my mom was a little rican hot momma.. girl is only 5 1 and thinks she is 6 10... that is where I get my temper from.. ya we are chihuahuas that act like pitbulls... LOL...
Noone messed with my mom!
I so wish I was a hardass. Never needed to be with my angel of a son. But once my little girl came along, the little girl who is payback for everything I put my own parents through, I've found myself going through hardass training. So I guess I'm a hardass-in-training. There you go.
I'm old school (skool?). Hot sauce on the tongue, belt to the butt, face in the dirty dish water.
Not really.
Yup...momma hard ass....we never behaved the way many children do now and I'm practically perfect in any way. So...I'm sure my daughter will be just as perfect
I was a hard-ass mama! And my adult daughters now thank me for it, honest! And there are many conversations of "You would have KILLED us if we acted that way," when we see unruly, rude kids in public.
I think I was that way because my mom was NOT and there were many times I wish she would have been ... just so I'd have a reason to not do the crap my friends wanted me to do. (Things I ended up doing ... and now regret.)
Hard-ass moms rock and are exactly what kids need!
There were better standards of decency when we were children than there are now. And less freedom of information--no internet superhighway for the kids! Respect lived in those times.
Secretia
Holy shit...I am with you 100% friend..!..I just posted a Family Friday about my Momma..who is wonderful but..damn I had NO, No discipline whatsoever..I was kinda the ruler of my ship...buuuutt...It made me such a better mother and for shit sure my kids had to tow the line..and I didnt need to hit( I did yell though) they just knew it..there was just that sense of respect and responsibility..from the get go...great post Melyssa..I bet you are the bestest Mom..!Have a great day..!
Hey great new button..Aint it the truth..!
What's wrong with me? (don't answer) I must have been a really easy-to-discipline all around great kid (ha!) 'cause I truly don't remember what it was my mother did...Great post!
I'll be thinking...I'm one of those mothers everybody else stares at while her kid is having a kick-ass tantrum in any one of the most inappropriate places.
My mother could make me crap my pants with a simple look. She never ever raised a hand to me.
I fortunately have inherited the same ability. My children call it the "death stare" and I use it frequently.
Yep I'm a child of a hard ass-mama, she still keeps me on my toes to this day and I'm pushing 40! I've inheritated the trait too! My 15 month old son still gets off lightly if he behaves but fiance knows who rules the roost! hehehehehe
Oh geez, it's a power that moms had in that generation, I think. Not the same, but similar thing - Someone once asked me how my mother (high school drop-out, single mom, husband had been blue-collar, both sides of the family lower class, blue-collar all the way) convinced all five of her kids to go to college. I had to stop and think. She didn't do anything to convince us. We just assumed that we had to go to college. It was just an unspoken rule that you didn't dare question.
Or maybe they played subliminal tapes while we slept . . .
I'm a full believer that yes, you can be 'cool' and 'friends' with your kids - but you ALWAYS have to be the mom. Even if it hurts. They need the discipline, to know you're in charge. They'll thank us for it when they're older. Just like I do now w/ my own mom.
I distinctly remember taking a boot in the ass in the middle of a toy store.
I mean, in my dad's defense, I WAS breathing a tad loud.
Oh, it was *the look* in our household. If my sisters and I acted up during church, my mom would shoot us *the look* from the choir loft and we knew we were in trouble once we got home. During prayer, we'd pray that she would forget all about it and, sometimes, it actually worked!
Have a great weekend! :-)
My mother earned that title too. I was afraid of her! I think my kids felt that way about me but now that they're adults, I think they mostly laugh at me. lol
Yep, just call this chick bad, with this mama No meant No and Hubby always backed me up.
God bless and have a fantastic weekend!!!
I am already legendary in my kids' eyes (they're 22, 19, 15). A little fear is not a bad thing...
Thanks (for the comment). It made me feel better.
Oh, we knew better than to act up. We were afraid that mom would tell dad!!! All he had to do was raise his voice and we were in tears. I guess they had it down to a science once they got to me, #9 of 10.
It is the look. If you perfect it, you can control the world, not just your kids. I have never lost the look...
It is the look, the tone and making sure you follow through with whatever the consequences of the little stuff are.....Then they know not to cross the line.
I had a Mama Hardass. I was a Mama HARDass. If everyone was good and did their part, it was a party.....if not, I made sure it wasn't.
No corporal punishment or yelling ever employed.
You know, you're absolutely right. It's funny. My parents never laid a hand on us, yet we knew NEVER TO CROSS OVER THAT LINE.
I feel like I yell much more than my parents ever did. They really weren't yellers. And when my kids were smaller, yes, I did every once and awhile spank, but my girls just don't have that same mindset that I did when I was younger.
Now, don't get me wrong. My daughters are good girls, very good girls, but gosh, can they ever sass! Something I never did. My girls question me. I never did, even when I knew it was something worth questioning. My girls speak up and argue with me when they feel wronged or think I'm not seeing their side of the story.
It drives me crazy that they don't accept my blind authority, but in a way, I'm also proud of the fact that I know my girls are strong, independent women and they're not ever going to cow tow or simply accept authority. They will question. They will speak their minds and for that I'm actually more than a little grateful. Strong girls have I.
My mom is an alien and has eyes in the back of her head. She was a hard ass, too. Still is. Me, I choose my battles yet don't take crap either. I was in a store on Friday where kids were running around while their mother looked on. At one point, I heard her say, "Stop running, or you'll get in trouble." Shaking head. Unbelievable!
Totally makes sense; I have no kids, so not an issue in play, that being said I remember growing up there was just stuff you did not do, there were some basic behaviour rules you just followed, period. I look at my friends kids, especially in restaurants or other public settings, and sometimes they are great, and sometimes I think, wtf? Do people really behave like that?
I must be. I have been told I am MEAN by my 8 year old. Since she was 5. That little turkey-butt-cutie-pie-kid.
My mom wasn't a hard ass though. Neither was my dad - but the I was mysteriously frightened of not getting straight A's (and what my dad may "do") though I he never did a thing to reprimand me!
Swati
My mom was not a hardass. More of a guilt tripper. She laid the guilt on thick though. I want to work on developing my evil eye so that my kids will have that reaction of straightening up if I just flash them a look from across the room, but every time I try this, they just laugh at me cuz they think I'm kidding. Oh well. Back to the drawing board...
I perfected "the look" years ago- I remember one time when child #! was in preschool. I gave her "the look" from across the room and she was like "what did I do?" The key in disciplining children is follow through. If you tell them a consequence and they cross the line, you HAVE to follow through or you lose all credibility.
I was definitely afraid of my mom, but my daughters just kinda laugh in my face. It's a little disconcerting. I'm working on it.
My kids are still afraid of me. They know I have a screw loose, (or Mom is, well eccentric). Now my grand children are afraid of me too, because I am "She Who Must Be Obeyed".
My oldest daughter is 31 and I can still make her doubt herself by leaving a message on her phone...It's your mother please call me.
My 6th grader got a "minor" (citation) from school the other day (btw for saying something sucks). Before I even said anything, he said I will NOT play on my DS for a week and stay from the computer for a week, etc etc. I eventually needed to cut him some slack because, cough cough, a week without DS & computer for HIM would be a week of hell for ME.
Btw, my parents have never lifted a finger against me. However somehow I knew to behave otherwise bad things could happen. Don't know what though. Just my imagination maybe? Which was probably a lot scarier than any actual punishment.
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