Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Short Drive to Crazy








“Stop at the next rest area and let me drive” my husband says between clenched teeth.


Can simmering agitation cause cavities?


“Why? What’s wrong with my driving?” I ask while applying fresh lip gloss in the rear view mirror.


Nothing if there were an official LaLa Lane


LaLa Lane? Is that the one on the left?


“I’m not in LaLa land!” Digging through my purse “I’m was just trying to get a good station” Now where are those tweezers?


“Fine, let me know when I wake up from the coma if it was worth it” He turns to give the window his full attention and grumbles “I hope our wills are in order”


Just under two more hours to go! Squawks the GPS.


“Hey, did you know that they had a Men’s, Women’s and Unisex bathroom at the last rest stop?” I asked conversationally.


“So which one did you choose?”


Funny. I married a funny guy “Actually, I was a little confused. Why do you think they have that?”


“I don’t know. Why do you keep playing with every button in the car instead of concentrating on the road?”


Did I say funny?


Sometimes words fail.


Still just under two hours? Hasn’t like an hour passed already?


“Hey, you know…” Oh, I love that song….lemme just program that station… “I read something hysterical on Bugginword the other day….she came up with the funniest name....hey, when did they put that there?......anyway, what do you think of the name Magillicutty Vagina Juice....


“Pull over and let me drive!”


Huh?”


“Your mind is obviously overflowing with Magillicutty Vagina Juice and, if you don’t mind, I don’t feel like dying today”


Sheesh!


“Fine”


His features always look way more relaxed from the driver’s side anyway. And I’m all about making him more relaxed (-:

39 comments:

Moooooog35 on January 6, 2010 at 4:26 AM said...

Magillicutty Vagina Juice sounds very refreshing.

Where's Pepsi marketing folks when you need them?

Probably drinking Pepsi.

BugginWord on January 6, 2010 at 6:04 AM said...

"overflowing with Magillicutty Vagina Juice" just might be the best quote of all time.

Ambrosia on January 6, 2010 at 6:46 AM said...

A unisex bathroom? Which one did you choose? Wow! Crazy!

*Jess* on January 6, 2010 at 7:10 AM said...

LOL!! My husband would never have been so witty in the car :P

lisa-grandma-s-briefs on January 6, 2010 at 7:51 AM said...

Too funny! I think you and my husband drive in the same (La La) lane! His driving makes me absolutely nuts because he likes to sightsee wherever we go -- even throughout the town in which we've lived for nearly 30 years!

So I drive nearly every time we get in the car. It helps relax both our features.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen on January 6, 2010 at 8:45 AM said...

LMAO!! Sounds like our conversations when my husband is driving!!

Tiffany on January 6, 2010 at 8:52 AM said...

simmering agitation does cause cavities-- not to mention the untimely demise of chocolate frosted, krispy kremes

The Boob Nazi on January 6, 2010 at 8:53 AM said...

lala lane. ha!

Jayne Martin on January 6, 2010 at 9:08 AM said...

Hmmm... I drive alone and yet I hear those same voices.

G-Zell on January 6, 2010 at 9:29 AM said...

ROFL...... that was me this weekend with J.... LOL... I hope our wills are in order LMAO.... so funny

Working Mommy on January 6, 2010 at 9:35 AM said...

You know...my hubs is the SAME way! Maybe they were separated at birth - our husbands, I mean...

~WM

Daffy on January 6, 2010 at 10:55 AM said...

*snort* this is just priceless! I can't win for trying while in the car with hubs. I either get yelled at for telling him how to drive or I get yelled at for NOT telling him how to drive. Like to tell him he needed to come to a complete stop before turning right on red was telling him he doesn't know how to drive. I got a "Since when are you a walking driver's manual?"....when the ticket came in the mail for running the red light at the photo enforced intersection he yells, "Why didn't you tell me?!"

Noelle on January 6, 2010 at 11:56 AM said...

this is why i let my husband do all the driving. of the car. just wanted to clarify.

Maureen@IslandRoar on January 6, 2010 at 12:31 PM said...

What is it with men? They feel so outta control when they're not in the driver's seat. Jeesh, all you had to do was mention a little Magilicutty's vagina juice? What's his prob? Next time, say "penis" and see what happens.

Erin on January 6, 2010 at 3:15 PM said...

LOVE this! What is it with men having to be in the driver's seat all the time (in more ways than one)??? Jeez. You handled it well!

Coffeypot on January 6, 2010 at 4:19 PM said...

I don't do the right seat at all. My comments from point A to point B (a little over a mile) are, "Pass the fucker."; "Wooah!!! That car is stopping in front of you...can't you see the break lights?"; "Turn Left NOW." ; "Where's the ejection button, in case I need it."

She said, “There isn't one. If there was you would have been gone a half a block back. Now sit there and shut up." She's not very good with productive criticism.

Sara A Broers on January 6, 2010 at 8:43 PM said...

And to think that Men have the audacity to complain about women being back seat drivers......Geesssshhheeee! So, which restroom did you use?

adrienzgirl on January 7, 2010 at 1:30 AM said...

I have had that exact conversation with my hubby. Minus the unisex bathroom. That is just weird! :D

My name is PJ. on January 7, 2010 at 4:38 AM said...

This would make for great television...and it would have to be on HBO or SHO because it would be too good for network TV....

Travelbug Mom on January 7, 2010 at 6:09 AM said...

Men are just jealous of women being able to multi task - case in point, DRIVE, PUT ON MAKEUP, and BE WITTY all at the same time! You go girl! Just be careful in those unisex bathrooms.

madtexter (corey james) on January 7, 2010 at 12:22 PM said...

What?! Your hubby doesn't believe in your multitasking while driving? Honey, I can make french toast and shave while behind the wheel. (It's the tweezer thing though, that always gets me in trouble. I'm not THAT coordinated!)

Jen on January 7, 2010 at 2:29 PM said...

I used to drive my ex crazy when I drove, which was not very often. I could easily put on make-up, talk on the phone, change a diaper in the back seat and still offer him a hand job. He never complained about that.

Unknown Mami on January 7, 2010 at 5:46 PM said...

I think I might make you pull over and let me drive too.

drollgirl on January 7, 2010 at 6:26 PM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
drollgirl on January 7, 2010 at 6:27 PM said...

"i hope our wills are in order". hahahahah!!!

The girl with the flour in her hair on January 7, 2010 at 7:55 PM said...

My husband is a truck driver. I refuse to drive with him the car. It's too stressful. After all, he's the "expert".

Me-Me King on January 7, 2010 at 8:27 PM said...

I love the LaLa Lane, it the best!

Shell on January 8, 2010 at 4:49 AM said...

I always prefer to let my husband drive- then I can sleep! I might have to try some of those lala lane habits the next time he wants me to take a turn driving.

The Absence of Alternatives on January 8, 2010 at 7:10 AM said...

"Can simmering agitation cause cavities?"

LOL.

I hate it when people do the imaginary brake. Don't think I can't see you doing that, buster!

J. L. W. on January 8, 2010 at 12:08 PM said...

Too funny. My husband always drives when we go anywhere. He can't stand being in the passenger seat.

Trooper Thorn on January 8, 2010 at 1:39 PM said...

You know, they have an app for that.

Deanna on January 9, 2010 at 6:00 AM said...

Funny!

Following from MBC. Hope you can visit my blog too!

Amanda on January 9, 2010 at 9:41 AM said...

I find it easier to just blindfold my husband when I'm driving. I also make sure to fill his mug with fresh vagina juice.

Makes him happy.

Name: Holly Bowne on January 9, 2010 at 11:42 AM said...

My hubby is younger than me by about a year-and-a-half. So whenever he opens his cute little mouth to start critiquing my driving, I just slide my shades to the end of my nose, peer at him over the top and say something like, "Sweetheart, you just sit there and look good. I have a LOT more driving experience than you do." Ha, ha! ;o)

JD at I Do Things on January 10, 2010 at 6:39 AM said...

HA! My husband can't stand being a passenger, and I am not even CLOSE to being as distracted as you. He just can't relinquish the "power." And then he makes me nervous because he's judging every little thing I do. So it's just easier for everyone if he drives.

kys on January 10, 2010 at 5:22 PM said...

My husband and I don't do well on road trips. Esp. when we are going to visit his family. In an effort to be nice, I now let him go alone. Well not entirely alone, I sacrifice and send the kids, too.

Wendy on January 12, 2010 at 7:36 AM said...

sounds like my hubby and I...following from mbc...

Corrie Howe on January 14, 2010 at 1:12 PM said...

I find everyone is happier if hubby is driving.

Secretia on January 19, 2010 at 6:50 AM said...

My boyfriend is nervous as hell if i do all the driving too.

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