Monday, May 31, 2010

Green Jello









I went to the movies.


And now I'm mad.


I cut my hair a few months ago thinking that it would be the more “age appropriate” thing to do and then WTF happens?......


I’ll tell you what happened….


Oh, I’ll tell you alright…


F*^ken Brooke Shields has to go and make me look like an old-aged-appropriate-shoulder length piece of dung that’s what!


Her and that still long hair of hers.


I mean, could she look any more gorgeous?


Now???


At this age…our age???


Do me a favor Lagoon girl; stop shoving how well you are aging up my nostrils. The jealousy is eating straight through the nose hairs right up to my brain.


And my brain can’t take much more. Trust me.


…I’m watching the movie….looking…squinting even for any imperfection.


ANY imperfection AT ALL.


Surely the big screen can be unkind to you at some brightly lit angle?


Awww common man!


Give me a break!


Didn’t you put us through enough in the 80’s?


Didn’t I even do the big eyebrows thing in a supreme gesture of flattering imitation way back when?


Must you make my midlife miserable too?


And why can you still pull off those eyebrows post 1982 while I, on the other hand, must fight daily with a tweezers?


Jeeeez! Go put on some Calvins that don’t fit you anymore...break a nail...something.


Something!


Dammit.


Oh well….


If I overdose on Miracle Grow, somebody call 911 k?

54 comments:

Maureen@IslandRoar on June 1, 2010 at 5:13 AM said...

Well, I love Brooke Shields too and she does look great. But I saw that sshe advertises that medication to try and grow longer eyelashes. Skimpy lashes, imagine the horror???

Gillian on June 1, 2010 at 5:26 AM said...

Yes she is gorgeous!

BUT!!!

Remember she has a whole fucking team of people that help her look that good. We could all look half decent with a permanent hair stylist camping out in front of our bathroom door, a nutritionist to keep an eye on our diet, a professional chef to prepare it all for you, a personal fitness instructor to sculpt your body, a personal stylist and shopper to get you all the latest and greatest fashion trends in the perfect size, a make up artist on speed dial and copious amounts of good quality drugs to suppress your appeteit from anything apart from Avian Bottled Water.

Come on...money can buy you everything, everything except those caterpillar eyebrows...for that you need a good surgeon. Oh wait you can buy those too.

HUMPH!

Now I"m feeling like crap.

Vintage Christine on June 1, 2010 at 5:47 AM said...

Brooke Shields was a incredibly beautiful baby, teenager, and young adult, so you have to kind of ASSUME she's going to stay beautifuller than the rest of humanity. And I totally agree with Gillian that she has ALOT of paid help to keep her looking better than us. Oh, and about that long hair/short hair/age appropriate thing? I personally think long grey hair on an old lady is very cool. I guess you can figure out why I just said that . . .

ReformingGeek on June 1, 2010 at 5:54 AM said...

Throw out comparing yourself to a celebrity with the garbage today. It's just not worth it.

I think Tom Cruise must be jealous of Brooke, too.

;-)

Lanita on June 1, 2010 at 6:10 AM said...

There always has to be a woman that shows us up and points out our inadequacies. Don't hate her. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else. Better the devil we know than the devil we don't know.

Moooooog35 on June 1, 2010 at 6:15 AM said...

If it makes you feel any better, Christopher Atkins looks like shit.

Daffy on June 1, 2010 at 6:22 AM said...

Keeping saving those plastic bags from Target and Walmart...surely there is some way to recycle THAT plastic....cause that's the ONLY way anyone in Hollywood ages well.

BigSis on June 1, 2010 at 6:43 AM said...

I'm with Maureen - she has wimpy eyelashes, so she's not perfect. And, I'm with Daffy - it's a lot easier to upkeep in Hollywood.

Amanda on June 1, 2010 at 7:16 AM said...

I actually think Brooke Shields is aging horribly. I've never really thought she's been any kind of attractive as an adult.

Simply Suthern on June 1, 2010 at 7:43 AM said...

She aint the only one from Holly Hell telling us we look like crap.

However, if I had her team of stylist and beauty consultants I would still look like Larry of the 3 Stooges, only dressier.

smArtee on June 1, 2010 at 8:46 AM said...

Wow ...my first disagreement with my Blogalot friend..I have to agree with Amanda...I never thought she aged well at all...and I used to see her in person when she was young ..without any makeup or anything....she lived in my town..also where I worked, and used to come in with her mother...I used to feel great when I saw her .."without"...because I felt like wow she looks like the rest of us...but her aging, I feel...took a very bad turn...on the other hand Gillian is very right...with all the help we could all look like that..look what they do to some of the more unattractive on DWTS....everybody looks like a movie star with the right team...as for the hair..I think its an individual thing...I like how I look with it shorter..but keep it long for the hubs and because there is so much I can do with it long....

Aunt Juicebox on June 1, 2010 at 8:55 AM said...

OMG If I had someone to airbrush every picture taken of me, I'd be gorgeous too!

Ziva on June 1, 2010 at 9:21 AM said...

I'm really hoping I won't do the age-appropriate thing when I get to the age when there's an appropriate thing to do. But if I do do the age-appropriate thing, at least I'll still have the bushy eyebrows. No tweezers in the world can keep them in check.

Yankee Girl on June 1, 2010 at 9:30 AM said...

If we could afford endless amounts of botox we would look that good as well.

I really want to know how some people do it. Looking young and beautiful isn't easy!

Stacie's Madness on June 1, 2010 at 9:40 AM said...

that's right..she has HELP looking that good.

The Urban Cowboy on June 1, 2010 at 10:19 AM said...

I'm partial to Rachael Welch.

*LLUVIA* on June 1, 2010 at 10:33 AM said...

ROTFLMAO!!!

wish i had more eyebrow!

BLOGitse on June 1, 2010 at 11:23 AM said...

I help you: don't go to movies! Don't tease yourself!
Why should we look 'young and beautiful'? Why isn't it okay to see that you/me/all of us have had a life, lived our lives?
When I'm 70/80/90..., if I live that long, I'm going to look natural and the age what my body tells...
Life without botox rocks!

BLOGitse

Linda Medrano on June 1, 2010 at 11:52 AM said...

Just stop. You are beautiful and look every bit as good as anybody out there. Women any age can wear hair any length. I rock a platinum almost crew cut and it's kind of my trademark. Short, long, medium hair are all fine at all ages. Plus, you are a young woman anyway! So stop worrying about "age appropriate"! Buy those leather jeans and hush!

In3Dee on June 1, 2010 at 12:29 PM said...

Oh girl, I laughed so hard. Brooke was and is gorgeous. I think she made a pact with someone to stay young-looking. *sigh*

Time marches on. Right across my face.

Tracie on June 1, 2010 at 12:30 PM said...

I wasn't paying that much attention to her during that movie. I was busy making snide comments about how craptastic it was. To quote The Simpsons "It both sucks and blows".

Jen on June 1, 2010 at 12:33 PM said...

I didn't think she aged that well. I mean, yeah she looks good for a 45 year old woman but she has that funny look to her face and she's so angular. And if she has to take medication to grow eye lashes then she has a real problem. And just remember...Andre.

I have thought of getting an age appropriate haircut too but I'm not ready. I just keep getting more tattoos in hopes that they make me feel younger, oh, and I pierce my ears a lot, that helps.

MiMi on June 1, 2010 at 12:56 PM said...

I'm slow, what movie was this?
Besides, she will always be the one who dated Michael Jackson, and THAT is unforgivable. LOL

Alex@LateEnough on June 1, 2010 at 1:52 PM said...

I cant WAIT for the movie about all those ugly people. Who look even WORSE on the big screen. That's going to be AWESOME! (And they will still have better skin than mine. Since I get acne at thirty-one. It matches my gray hairs. {sigh})

Aging Mommy on June 1, 2010 at 4:22 PM said...

I am not a fan of Brooke Shields I have to confess, I always found her to be somehow rather manly looking - the eyebrows partly but more than that. Where she differs from you and I is that she has had plenty of work done on that face of hers to keep her looking young (although again in my view it all just makes her look a little strange) and I am also sure she has plenty of imperfections that magically get airbrushed out of all her movies, colgate ads and photos.

Jayne Martin on June 1, 2010 at 7:17 PM said...

What is this "age-appropriate" of which you speak? Nothing like that has ever darkened my doorstep. I always say, "I may be getting older, but I'll always be immature," and since we're only as old as we feel... ;)

Erin on June 1, 2010 at 7:32 PM said...

it is so much easier to be perfect when you're loaded and have a staff to wipe your ass if that's what you want.

also, my brows are the bane of my existence. ugh!

blueviolet on June 1, 2010 at 7:39 PM said...

Seriously, she has no right. Let's hate her. Let's hate her hard.

Lauren on June 1, 2010 at 7:58 PM said...

I've given up on looking great. I'm at the age where I exercise just to stay alive.

Wicked Shawn on June 1, 2010 at 11:10 PM said...

I used to envy her for Andre, look how that turned out. Just sayin.

Maybe someday we will find out she has been doing something horrible and it will backfire. ;)

The Blue Zoo on June 1, 2010 at 11:27 PM said...

Must be nice to have the money to look like that! LOL

Alyssa on June 2, 2010 at 1:41 AM said...

I'm with blueviolet. Absolutely we need to hate her. She's gorgeous and, from what I can see, doesn't seem to have had much work done.

I need stronger glasses, though. Maybe bifocals even. Nah, not me.

Is it true she's 45? That's just disgusting.

Lisa@GrandmasBriefs on June 2, 2010 at 7:02 AM said...

I'm refusing to do the age-appropriate thing -- I'm letting my hair GROW, not cutting it. It has more to do with not wanting to blow the money on my hair than being a rebel, though.

Yeah, Brooke's my age and looks a helluva lot better than I do. But can she say she has the absolute cutest and most charming grandson in the whole wide world? I think not! Ha! I got her beat!

Life in the mom lane on June 2, 2010 at 8:34 AM said...

I have always thought Brooke was attractive- but from some of your comments looks like beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

Anyhoo... I too am a bit of a maverick- I turned 50 and what did I do? let my hair grow, colored it (since I am losing my natural red) and got a perm- not one of those Grandma type perms, more of a "hey you're looking sexy kinda perm". Everyone said it took years off...
Age really is just a number... and if I had her $$$ I could afford to age (more) gracefully than I am- ;)

Quirkyloon on June 2, 2010 at 10:37 AM said...

Well I always thought she was an attractive woman, but of late? I think she looks... manly.

Hey, so do I, but I don't have a bazillion bazookas in the bank account, so it looks worse on me than her.

Note to self: pluck chin whiskers.

The Empress on June 2, 2010 at 2:13 PM said...

Yeah, well, that's all well and good about her face and all that but her thighs could till choke a bear....

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick on June 2, 2010 at 2:31 PM said...

Movie stars are able to dress age-inappropriately and pull it off. If I tried to do it, I'd look like a freak or someone who escaped from the mental hospital. That old actress who showed cleavage at the Oscars - I'm always seeing her in these hip clothes in the magazines. What is with her?

Kate@AndThenIWasaMom.com on June 2, 2010 at 3:06 PM said...

However, something HAS come between her and her Calvins. She even has the kids to prove it.

parenting ad absurdum on June 2, 2010 at 5:01 PM said...

Oh, get her first thing out of bed with no stylists available and she'll look at least slightly less gorgeous... And I'm determined to grow my hair and wear short (ish) skirts a while longer. My kids think long hair and short skirts = superhero - and I couldn't get a better compliment ;).

drollgirl on June 2, 2010 at 5:21 PM said...

i think she looks like a mAN! i am positive you look better than her, so THERE!

Brahm (alfred lives here) on June 2, 2010 at 6:53 PM said...

Great post, and I am sure you look great!

I have a love/hate thing with Brooke Shields, who is the same age as me - she is smart, sane, apparently unaffected by fame, liberal and activist, etc - great all around. Also why I effing hate her.

Mama Zen on June 2, 2010 at 7:36 PM said...

Age appropriate . . . shudder.

Mad Woman on June 2, 2010 at 11:17 PM said...

She is looking disgustingly good isn't she? You know who else is? Helen Mirren. Did you see the pic of her in the bikini? *sigh*

My name is PJ. on June 3, 2010 at 4:39 AM said...

She's gorgeous and she hasn't had any work done....except the grow juice on her eyelashes.

BUT, it's smoke and mirrors, a team of handlers and perfect lighting.

I've seen photos of her shot outdoors and she looks closer to normal.

And I agree with Mama Zen above, "age appropriate...shudder" .

It's all about what we feel comfortable with and screw what anyone else thinks. One sign we're getting wiser is when we figure that out.

Meanwhile, my hair is just less than 2 inches long...... :)

Dual Mom on June 3, 2010 at 5:58 AM said...

I'm growing my hair....I've never had long hair and figure I better do it before I'm forty. That's sort of pathetic, isn't it?

Brooke can suck arse....no one looks that good ALL the time.

Tiffany on June 3, 2010 at 6:40 AM said...

i cute my hair super short a couple of years ago and after about 6 months i was totally over it. my hair grows pretty slow too so, that was clearly a bonus. it's kind of back now.

maybe try wigs--could lead to something sexy! :)

http://raisingamazingdaughters.wordpress.com on June 3, 2010 at 8:33 AM said...

I love that you stopped by my blog so I could find you. You're hilarious and clearly younger than I so I feel compelled to advise you as I must be older and wiser, so:

1. Age-appropriate hair should be ruled illegal, along with age-a dressing, behaving, etc. If I've learned one thing, it's not to be guided by my age. That would interfere with my delusional belief that age is only a number. There are some things I can't fight, age-wise, but thankfully, hair is not one of them. After all, do you really want the helmet-head-sprayed-to-hell-hair of old age? Let your freak flag fly!
2. Brooke Shields is a performer and as such, none of what you see is reality. And, you're likely a much better writer than she is, right? What would you rather be, artificially gorgeous or really lovely and talented?

Sheila Sultani on June 3, 2010 at 12:03 PM said...

Brooke is so boring, pretty but boring.

I've been wanting to cut my hair because it gets so hot around here but I'm afraid that by doing so I will automatically turn into a decrepit old lady.

carma on June 3, 2010 at 1:16 PM said...

I don't know - I've seen her lately and I swear she must be using the botox on top of that Latisse eyelash growing stuff.

Pick up some extensions and you will probably look even better than her!

Unknown Mami on June 3, 2010 at 5:24 PM said...

Seriously, she has the ugliest elbows I have ever seen. I'm sure your elbows are much better looking.

LucyCooper on June 3, 2010 at 7:11 PM said...

That girl ain't right. I watched Blue Lagoon a couple of months ago, and holy fright, she's so gorgeous it's unreal. She's never been ugly a day in her life, and that's the truth. I don't hate her for that, though. I used to hate her because my mom used Brooke Shields to bolster her stance that I could not pluck my unibrow in 7th grade.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on June 3, 2010 at 7:53 PM said...

I'm pretty sure I would look like hot shit too if I had millions of bucks to spend on professional trainers and nannies and body sculpting and arse feng shui, etc. etc. But for now, I'm just going to try and be happy with my fat rolls and cellulite, cuz it's all me. I do have some smokin hot eyebrows though. And great veins.

inannasstar on June 4, 2010 at 4:10 AM said...

Brook Shields is my nemesis. We "shared" 9 months of pregnancy together and she gave birth just days before me. I had RAGING postpartum depression/anxiety borderline psychosis and apparently she did too. She wrote a book about it which I subsequently read and almost lit afire. Anyone who can afford the best doctors on two coasts, nannies and private nurses as well as in home meditation and yoga instructors has NO FUCKING REASON to bitch and moan to me about her "issues". Ug..

Anyway, on to more happier things. There's a blog award for you on my post today my lovely.

Ma What's 4 dinner on June 11, 2010 at 6:09 AM said...

Seriously. And I even owned that Brooke Shields bust when I was a kid that you did her hair and makeup. Maybe I could find it and we could bust out some sharpies!!!!

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner?
www.MaWhats4Dinner.com

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