Sunday, May 23, 2010

Hand Jive

So I’m driving to work the other day and some yokel on a motorcycle in front of me lifts up his left arm, bends it and just holds it in place…

Power to the People?

Heil Hitler??

What the fu…I’ll run you right off the road you asshead mother fu…

Oh…. it’s a hand signal.

My rage is somewhat dissipated and lost in the wonderment that anyone still uses hand signals these days as I continue to watch the arm show.

A little down the road, he sticks his left arm straight out….and just keeps it there.

Okay, either start the Fosse routine pal or shut the hell up.

Finally the turn is made.

Sheesh….all this anticipation for a measly left turn.

Imagine if he had to scratch his ass too?

Then comes the red light….




Now I’m all disappointed that he’s not giving me full on jazz hands while waiting for the light to turn green.

Oh wait….here’s something….

His left hand is waving erratically…

Is he having a seizer or something? It’s been a while since I spoke this language.

I’m a little rusty.

Wow, look at that left hand go.

This guy’s a real hand talker.

Oh…wait...I get it now; he’s waving me to go ahead of him.

I might get to work on time yet.

So I roll up slowly ahead because I always have to see the person who causes me aggravation…It’s not enough that I get to pass him; I have to give them the evil eye first.

It’s in the Road-Rage hand book in case you didn’t know.

So I look over and what do I see?

The cutest little grandma wearing a Harley helmet!

Awwwww how cute, she’s driving motorcycle!!

The guy behind me beeps and screams for me to hurry the hell up.

I turn and give him the finger.

Take that Mr.Turd Signal!

Hey, this hand stuff really works!

I wonder why did we ever stopped?



Robin on May 24, 2010 at 4:10 AM said...

...I would have had my own hand motions as well...although lately I try not to ..Im afraid someone will have a gun....the Granny must have been cute...Be careful on the road...Lady..!hey Im first today...Woooo Hoooo...!

Moooooog35 on May 24, 2010 at 4:58 AM said...


A woman on a motorcycle being followed by a woman in a car.

That is my nightmare commute.

Aunt Juicebox on May 24, 2010 at 5:06 AM said...

I can just see my grandma on a motorcycle.....scary.

Lanita on May 24, 2010 at 5:10 AM said...

I am impressed with her "correct" hand signals. No one uses them any more, except maybe a cyclist...and then they are usually wrong. Does no one remember drivers education in high school? Rock on Granny!

BigSis on May 24, 2010 at 5:15 AM said...

Too funny.

If my son hadn't been in the car this weekend, I don't know what I would have done to the dumbass woman who honked at me for stopping at a green light to let the ambulance and fire truck cross the intersection.

Maureen@IslandRoar on May 24, 2010 at 5:44 AM said...

Even on the road you're this much fun??
My sister can't drive w/o her finger. I think it's as vital as her ignition key.

Simply Suthern on May 24, 2010 at 6:33 AM said...

Kinda like the "Horn Broke, Watch For Finger" Bumper sticker.

The Nightmare on my Commute? "I Love Hypermiling" Bumper Sticker Girl. I get behind her about once a week and she aint lying.

Unknown on May 24, 2010 at 6:48 AM said...

Hilarious! In Kentucky, they've never heard of turn signals. They use the turn-signal bar to prop up their cigarettes. Now, whenever someone fails to use his turn signal, I yell, "What? Are you from Kentucky?"

Liz Mays on May 24, 2010 at 8:00 AM said...

I used to use them when riding my bike and I thought I was so cool! LOL

BugginWord on May 24, 2010 at 8:58 AM said...

I was really nervous about that whole frantic hand shaking for a minute there...

Anonymous said...

Ha!! LOL I like to talk with my hands while driving too!

Macey on May 24, 2010 at 9:40 AM said...

And it came full circle! LOL
Turd signal...that's awesome.

BLOGitse on May 24, 2010 at 10:35 AM said... was a secret I was riding over there! shhhhh...

IASoupMama on May 24, 2010 at 11:42 AM said...

Oh, how funny! And oddly polite...

Joann Mannix on May 24, 2010 at 12:11 PM said...

I have such a compulsion. I HAVE to stare at the person, who has the nerve to not drive correctly in my path. I am a very judgmental driver.

I love that it was a grandma riding her hog. I want to be that when I grow up.

One Photo on May 24, 2010 at 12:12 PM said...

Hilarious - from start to finish - as usual. As for the hand gestures, well I am actually trying to stop before my three year old daughter starts asking me what I am doing and I have to try and explain :-)

And Then Kate on May 24, 2010 at 1:21 PM said...

There I was, all ready to ask if the pokey but conscientious motorcycle rider was wearing tight kind of ruined it by revealing her gender and age. And there goes another fantasy.

Katherine on May 24, 2010 at 1:27 PM said...

You had me laughing enough to practically fall out of my chair with the jazz hands..!!!!

Linda Medrano on May 24, 2010 at 1:50 PM said...

I love this! The hand gestures are hard for me to control, particularly the salute with the one finger, or the bang bang! (Alex hates it when I do that!)

Beth Zimmerman on May 24, 2010 at 1:51 PM said...

Oh My Goodness! You crack me up! Sursly! :)

drollgirl on May 24, 2010 at 2:02 PM said...

a grandma on a motorcycle?!?!? WOW!!!

i got a hand signal from a motorcyclist this weekend. he gave me a "thumbs-up" when i let him pass. SO CUTE!

Anonymous said...

Have you not heard of the Gray Panthers? They've taken to the road. They call themselves HAWD. (hells' angels with depends)

Cute...but don't mess with them...

Claudya Martinez on May 24, 2010 at 4:32 PM said...

Hand signals! I thought I was the only one that still used those.

Jayne Martin on May 24, 2010 at 5:36 PM said...

LOL! Gotta hand it to grandma. (no pun intended) Bet she was a real bad-ass in her youth.

Buggys on May 24, 2010 at 7:15 PM said...

The other day I was in costco and there was an elderly lady in front of me. She had to be near 80, short with beautiful white hair. It was my turn and the clerk giggled and told me that the lady who just left is driving away on her Harley! I wanted to run outside and watch!

Bossy Betty on May 24, 2010 at 7:41 PM said...

Maybe I'll take up Harley driving when I'm 90! I am sure I'll get lots of one-fingered salutes!

Maggie on May 24, 2010 at 7:58 PM said...

I love cute little Gramma's still riding their hogs. Awesome.

People Who Know Me Would Say: on May 25, 2010 at 4:24 AM said...

Can you hear me laughing all the way from Delaware? Oh em gee, THAT was funny!!!!

I hang on your every word because your posts are good til the last drop...

life in the mom lane on May 25, 2010 at 5:31 AM said...

I want to be that old broad on the motorcycle- how cool would that be!!!! :)

Anonymous said...

This had me crackin' up this morning because I just came back from visiting my sister in FL and in her community they all drive around in golf when I was driving I used my hand signals. We almost died laughing and the craziness of it, then when we got in the car, she rolled her window down and started using hand signals. Ahhhhhhahahahaha! My most used hand signal is most likely the Jersey State Bird : )

ReformingGeek on May 25, 2010 at 7:38 AM said...

Go Granny go!

I'm sending positive vibes for your next commute. Please toss the road rage book.

Ouch! No, NOT AT ME!

Lauren on May 25, 2010 at 8:27 AM said...

Following from Follow Me Back Tuesdays

Megan on May 25, 2010 at 8:59 AM said...

Hilarious - now that's the true language of the road!

I am Harriet on May 25, 2010 at 11:04 AM said...

Hi there.
Stopping by via Follow me back Tuesday to say hello.
Have a great day!

Daisygirl on May 25, 2010 at 11:11 AM said...

That is awesome! I wanna have a bike when I am a granny! Stopping by from FMBT and now following!

Jen on May 25, 2010 at 11:35 AM said...

Moooog cracks me up! I really thought you were going somewhere else with this post. Hand Jive, Hand Job... I'm so glad you didn't go there. Well, not really, that would have been funny too.

Carma Sez on May 25, 2010 at 12:07 PM said...

Wow - you caught onto that hand signal stuff quickly. I always like to drive up and do the "glare" too - I bet you were surprised by that granny...

Andrea on May 25, 2010 at 1:23 PM said...

New follower from FMBT. Rock on, sweet little old lady!

Unknown on May 25, 2010 at 2:12 PM said...

Ha! Hand signal lingo can be tricky. A bent arm thrust can be confusing if done too far before a turn. From the Hell's Angel Rule Book: It's a curse if an arm bend occurs beyond fifty-feet.

Got to watch out for those biker grannies. They hold up their breasts with chains and wear helmets to prevent their wigs from flying into windshields. And you thought it was a hairy bird.

Jack and Alex Manning on May 25, 2010 at 7:25 PM said...

Ha ha!!! Love it. I always feel so deflated when I'm righteously angry at someone who turns out to be in the right.

parenting ad absurdum

Jennifer K on May 25, 2010 at 8:34 PM said...

I laughed out loud for this one! I'm a new follower from FMBT and am really looking forward to reading more of your posts. Have a great day!

ChinaDoll on May 25, 2010 at 11:12 PM said...

hahaha, im sure granny looked cute and adorable! Wish you were able to get a snapshot but I know, ur driving and you are in a hurry hahaha!

I'm your newest follower via Follow me back tuesday ☺ Great day to you!

JennyMac on May 26, 2010 at 6:47 AM said...

THAT is a bad ass Grandma. And when my son is in the car, I am the most noble driver. When he is not, I say many a mean thing to idiots on the road. Of course they cant hear me so its all poison to my own ears. LOL.

Mama Zen on May 26, 2010 at 7:14 AM said...

This absolutely made me laugh out loud!

Captain Dumbass on May 26, 2010 at 2:30 PM said...

That was full on awesome. Thanks.

tattytiara on May 26, 2010 at 7:28 PM said...

Warning - this post may induce Pedal Pushers flashbacks!

adrienzgirl on May 26, 2010 at 7:46 PM said...

Dude, Grandmas on bikes rock. I worked for an orthopedic practice when I was in my early 20s. We had this nurse who was 75yrs old who had been in a motorcycle accident come in as a patient. She was all sorts of pissed that her leathers were ruined and her BMW bike was going to have to be replaced. I asked if she was going to ride again after narrowly escaping death thanks to the 18wheeler's driver who jack knifed his rig to avoid killing her. Her answer?


Alexandra on May 26, 2010 at 11:08 PM said...

I would have loved to have been there.

Awesome visual..

Anonymous said...

I'm your newest follower from FMBT. Also following you on Twitter. Please drop by my blog and return the favors.

Have a great week,

Anonymous said...

Oh my! That's hysterical. Nothing like an old lady on a hog, right?

Thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday!

Tracie on May 27, 2010 at 5:55 PM said...

I remember hand signals. Yes, I am old.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on May 27, 2010 at 7:41 PM said...

I think that might have been my grandma.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on May 27, 2010 at 7:41 PM said...

Or it could have been me.

Fearless_Fabulous_Gayle on May 27, 2010 at 7:44 PM said...

Thanks for the follow....

I am your loyal reader now as well!!

I can't believe it was an old lady driving the bike, that was unexpected!! GREAT!

The Absence of Alternatives on May 28, 2010 at 10:40 AM said...

You know how I love Jazz Hands. And send me your address 'cause I totally need to send you this:

For realz!

Ma What's 4 dinner on June 14, 2010 at 5:02 AM said...

I'm dying...this is hysterical. I just spit coffee on my keyboard. It was so worth it. Thanks!

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner

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