Thursday, July 1, 2010

Fear Floats









You will all be glad to know that my fear of change in starting a new job this week was quickly replaced with an even bigger fear.


AN IMMENSE... MAMMOTH SIZED FEAR.


Bigger than me, bigger than all of us!


bp oil spill?


No.


Terrorism?


Uh uh.


Global Warming?


Nope.


Ready?


It was the fear of being labeled as the girl who had to use the whole can of Lysol in the smelly bathroom at 8:00 am.


I was set up I tell you!


The girl who came out before I went in even smirked a little knowing that I would take the blame.


Well, that’s one for my new Bitch List.


Somebody had to be first right?


Anyway, I had to go in.


Couldn’t turn back.


Couldn’t let out a big “GOD IT SURE STINKS IN HERE DOESN'T IT?!” before going in so that nobody would get the wrong idea.



It was my first day after all.



But I don't want to be known as Mrs. Crap Alot!



Not even on my second day.



So, still holding my breath, I came out with at least 15 less brain cells than when I went in.


Lysol kills more than germs man.


And ran to blog flush it here.


I feel much better now thank you.


Or maybe I'm just still high on Lysol fumes.


.... not bad.


In any case, my good smelling name is finally in the clear....here at least.


Sorry, it’s how I process.


Ever been falsely accused of crap?

(-:

55 comments:

Quirkyloon on July 2, 2010 at 7:46 AM said...

LMBO!

Classic!

Just classic!

*sniff sniff*

You might need a tad bit more Lysol in here.

hee hee

LucyCooper on July 2, 2010 at 7:59 AM said...

I HATE dumping in public. For so many reasons. I have gone home on my lunch hour to take care of business. So to take the blame for someone else's stink is so insulting. I hope you weren't wrongly convicted on your first day.

ReformingGeek on July 2, 2010 at 8:39 AM said...

No telling what else she will dump on you.

YIKES!

BLOGitse on July 2, 2010 at 9:05 AM said...

oh...you're too funny...
Next time you could try Dettol! :)
Greetings from Casa!

BLOGitse

Andrea on July 2, 2010 at 10:31 AM said...

Maybe you should show up to work with a gift for that lady. Give her a bottle of Poopourri! They sell it at gift shops and probably online. Then no one will falsely accuse you again!! Or give you stinky looks...

Aging Mommy on July 2, 2010 at 11:34 AM said...

Hmmm......knowing you I am sure you will get your sweet revenge on this lady and it did make for a wonderful blog flush story :-) Have a wonderful 4th of July weekend.

drollgirl on July 2, 2010 at 1:20 PM said...

NASTY! and so unfair! but that stink bomb chick will strike again (or maybe already everyone is wise to her and her stinky ways) and you should be in the clear. time your bano visits accordingly if at all possible!

Miss Spoken on July 2, 2010 at 2:00 PM said...

No, but I did know a girl who once shit herself at a party. She was forever known as "Blowout"

To this day when a store posts a sign that advertises their Huge Blowout Sale, I stiffle a laugh and pee on myself just a little bit.

Linda Medrano on July 2, 2010 at 2:20 PM said...

Darling, other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play, er, I mean job?

Unknown Mami on July 2, 2010 at 2:38 PM said...

My husband whenever caught in that sort of situation announces to anyone within earshot that it wasn't him.

Will you check for me if I am still coming through on your reader or dashboard? Since moving to WordPress I'm having feed issues. If it's not coming through, will you pop over and un-follow then re-follow. It seems to be the only way to fix it.

Happy 4th!

Shell on July 2, 2010 at 2:51 PM said...

Oh, gross! Dh tries to blame his stinkiness on me. Maybe I should spray HIM with lysol the next time he tries.

Jen on July 2, 2010 at 3:08 PM said...

I would have at least made a horrible face, exaggerated of course, waved my hand in front of my nose and looked around for another bathroom. If you stay at this job you must retaliate.

Can't people take care of that before they go to work? I will never understand that.

Brahm (alfred lives here) on July 2, 2010 at 6:59 PM said...

Classic... "blog flush it here"... love it!

Lisa@GrandmasBriefs on July 2, 2010 at 7:36 PM said...

Oh geez! I hate public bathrooms -- even those in the workplace -- cuz weird shit goes on there, literally! And I so feel your pain and fear and loathing of the stinky gal ahead of you.

There needs to be a sniglet (remember those? by Rich Hall?) naming the ickiness of arriving in a stall/bathroom that was stunk up before you. Then at least there'd be a term when you leave the bathroom that you could tell everyone else that it was XXXX. (It's late at night, for me, so I'm not quite in the sniglet creating frame of mind, therefore the XXXX.)

Mad Woman on July 2, 2010 at 10:44 PM said...

I have an inherent fear of public toilets but my fear of having to do #2s at work is even bigger.

A Daft Scots Lass on July 3, 2010 at 1:46 AM said...

I'm glad I don't have these sorts of fears. All I fear is falling out a speeding train.

Lauren on July 3, 2010 at 10:24 AM said...

I stopped getting high on Lysol back in the 70s. I had a five-a-day spray habit.

I began hallucinating, seeing images of giant purple germs. They started talking to me, calling me names, like "Trash Girl and Toilet Mouth."

Finally, my family intervened, threw away all the cleaning products in my house. I went cold turkey for months.

My house smelled like a garbage dump until I discovered Lysol wipes. No fumes. No highs. I just avoid public bathrooms to stay away from the can.

Java on July 3, 2010 at 11:15 AM said...

Hi!

Thanks for stopping by and visiting!! I am now following your blog and I LOVE IT!

Let me know if you would like to be added to the Over 40 Bloggers? If you do, you will need to add the button with the pink shirt!!

I grabbed your cute button while I was here!

Be sure to come by every Friday for the Follow Friday 40 and Over Blog Hop!

Have a great weekend!!

Mr Monkey on July 3, 2010 at 2:15 PM said...

Hi -I'm a new follower of you from FF.http://laughingmonkeystick.blogspot.com/For every follower that joins I will be releasing a Unicorn back into the wilds of the New Jersey boardwalk. So please do your part by joining and saving these special creatures. Thanks
Mr. Monkey

Karen Mortensen on July 3, 2010 at 3:00 PM said...

Yuck. I hate that. But thanks for the reminder. I need to take one of those tests that you mail in. I am not looking forward to it.

Jayne Martin on July 3, 2010 at 3:24 PM said...

Now see... This is why I firmly believe that instead of a men's room and a ladies room there should be one room for "#1" and another for "2".

Wouldn't that be more civilized?

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick on July 4, 2010 at 5:46 AM said...

Well, hell's bells, if you can't stink up the bathroom, what room CAN you stink up?

Wife on the Roller Coaster on July 4, 2010 at 6:22 AM said...

Hysterical! Love the "blog flush." Hope your 2nd day of work was filled with pleasant smells and no crappy accusations! :)

貴寶 on July 4, 2010 at 10:59 AM said...

人有兩眼一舌,是為了觀察倍於說話的緣故。............................................................

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on July 4, 2010 at 3:05 PM said...

Haaaaaaa!!! I'm so happy you were able to blog flush with us here. On another note....

When I'm on the phone with my husband while he is at work, sometimes I hear the toilet flush. Not once. Not twice. But three times. I mean seriously, the triple flush? WOW. Is all I can say after that. And I'm really glad I'm not some girl at his work walking in after that. Cuz I'm pretty sure he isn't considerate enough to use a whole bottle of Lysol every time.

Kate@AndThenIWasaMom.com on July 4, 2010 at 3:18 PM said...

While you may resist being known as Crap-a-Lot (who I swear was a nnight of the Round Table at some point, albeit a lesser known knight), you may want to consider being known as the rumor spreader. Bathroom rumors can endear you to new co-workers as fast as Girl Scout cookies.

Wicked Shawn on July 5, 2010 at 10:41 AM said...

I would relax, dearest. Something tells me you probably aren't her first victim. I would be willing to bet the other people in the office are already onto her sneak attacks.

The Single Mothers Chronicles on July 5, 2010 at 6:14 PM said...

LOL - VERY well said ma'am!
Swati

The Urban Cowboy on July 5, 2010 at 11:14 PM said...

Oh wow, that's crazy!

MommaKiss on July 6, 2010 at 9:07 AM said...

seriously one of my biggest pet peeves ever. and it's not even one you can remotely get away from. you gotta pee, you go in, smell the stench and KNOW someone else is gonna blame you.

The Blue Zoo on July 6, 2010 at 4:29 PM said...

LMAO oh you poor thing!! I would have died!!

Kelley on July 6, 2010 at 9:14 PM said...

I'm laughing at a lot with this post...the content & the comment you received in Chinese characters. Hahahahaha!! I wonder what that one says. I wonder if it contains all the information about who in your office had their nose hairs singed off this morning and who received the blame. Was it you? Did they realize it was the other girl? Learn Chinese quick!!

The Drama Mama on July 7, 2010 at 9:05 AM said...

Ahahahahaha. This is funny. I'm known as Mrs. Farts Alot and I have no issue with that. Poop and I are the best of friends (as you know by my blog title, haha).

Thank you for stopping by my place this weekend and leaving The Empress and me some comment love!

Salt on July 7, 2010 at 9:33 AM said...

HAAAA!!! OMG this happens in my office all the time!!
There have literally been times when I have left the restroom and had to say "it wasn't me" to whoever came in afterwards. So embarrassing.

MiMi on July 7, 2010 at 11:09 AM said...

OMG.
There was this woman who stunk so bad that we would actually walk in, do a quick glance at shoes and if we saw her handbag we ran!!
She always took her handbag to the can. No idea why.
Know what's hilarious? Her last name was Rose.
Dude. That ain't no rose for sure.

PattyPunker on July 7, 2010 at 6:51 PM said...

i've totally had to tweet flush this same shit. it's so wrong getting blamed for someone else's stink bomb. you just want to walk out and proclaim "it wasn't me" but then you leave yourself wide open to the "she who smelled it, dealt it" sorta thing.

anyway, good luck with the new job!

BugginWord on July 7, 2010 at 7:24 PM said...

I've been thinking a lot about shampoo. It's a cleaning substance with poo in the title. As you're the expert on defecation, can you offer me any insight?

Alyssa on July 7, 2010 at 9:27 PM said...

To MiMi: whatever happened to "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet?"

That post was hysterical...though I know the situation wasn't. Hope all is going well in the new john, er, job.

blueviolet on July 8, 2010 at 3:38 AM said...

I have definitely scrunched up my nose and said something out loud when I have walked into a fart cloud, but I think I've been silent in the bathroom, although I certainly should have called people out for what they did.

欣怡 on July 8, 2010 at 4:28 AM said...

人生是故事的創造與遺忘。............................................................

homeschoolceo on July 8, 2010 at 7:18 AM said...

LMAO, I had almost forgotten the lesser "joys" of working life.

IASoupMama on July 8, 2010 at 11:08 AM said...

Yikes! So sorry you took the blame for that crap... You'll find a way to turn that sh*t into shine-ola...

Erin on July 8, 2010 at 3:08 PM said...

THIS takes the cake. SO funny. But sorry you got blamed for it. Is it okay if we're laughing at your expense?!!?

Tracie on July 8, 2010 at 5:10 PM said...

Wonder what she eats for breakfast? Reminds me of that old SNL commercial for Colon Blow cereal.

Nichol on July 8, 2010 at 8:08 PM said...

Just found your blog...so glad I did! I just became a stay at home mom after working in a call center, and I tell ya, I've walked into that stinky place, and would say very loud, how horrible it smelled. I think there should be separate rooms sometimes lol.

Captain Dumbass on July 8, 2010 at 8:45 PM said...

That calls for serious retribution.

Brenda Susan on July 9, 2010 at 4:37 PM said...

Ha! I have been known to walk right back out of a bathroom at work and go climb stairs to use another one, so that I am not blamed for the stink! Ha!

Hi I came by from "Over 40 Friday Follow" and it looks like I;ll be back because you don't stink at all!
http://brendasusan.blogspot.com/

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend on July 9, 2010 at 7:40 PM said...

That is too funny...Love your blog...Happy Friday..

PearleY建佑 on July 10, 2010 at 12:50 PM said...

你的分享很不錯.. 謝謝 ..................................................................

Laila on July 10, 2010 at 2:34 PM said...

Even after being married for 13 years I still won't use the bathroom in our bedroom - I use the kids, that way I can blame them - not that there is any reason - my farts smell like roses!

Sandra on July 10, 2010 at 5:57 PM said...

OMG that was so funny! Would love to link up to you but my RRS thingy isn't working :(

Midwestern Mama Holly on July 10, 2010 at 9:12 PM said...

Oh crap! That stinks - literally and figuratively. I would have come out of there, walked right up to the chick that stunk it up and in a voice loud enough for all to hear ask her, "what the hell did you pass in there? I had to use a whole can of Lysol to get rid of the smell!"

Nezzy on July 19, 2010 at 10:38 AM said...

Heeeehehehe! Hello stinky....Yep, I just hate goin' in and comin' out of a smelly restroom knowing I'm not the one who left it that way. Like we all don't poop! Thank goodness for Lysol.

Ya'll have a wonderfully blessed day!

The Absence of Alternatives on July 28, 2010 at 9:16 AM said...

It sounds like the first day went well... :-) At least there's Lysol nearby, right? I sometimes wonder whether saying, "It's not me" when I come out of the stall is the smart thing to do. Not saying that I did it though... *whistling*

Camille @ NeverNaked on August 16, 2010 at 4:50 AM said...

Hahahahaaha it's so easy to get your humor! great blog! xoxo camille @nevernaked.blogspot.com

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