Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Blog Doctor

"Hurry Doc! I need something strong for blog withdrawal. Quick!" I implore.

Dr. Golb shakes his head in a haven't-we-been-through-this-already? manner and exhales flatly "Now, you know perfectly well that there is no cure for Blog withdrawal..."

"But I need..."

Golb interupts and holds up both hands in defiance and starts to explain "You'll just have to try.."

Shut up man!

Time is running out!

"You don't understand..." I plead in my best desperate give-me-a-hit blog junkie voice "I'm starting this new job and I don't have any time to blog. Give me something!" I screeched the last part grabbing his collar.

Ah, so this is what blog fear looks like.


I immediately give the illusion of coming to my senses and patted down the wrinkles I'd caused. Giving him the flirty eye and using my best Dynasty voice I say "Now come on Doc, I just need a little something. You know, just to, um...just hold me over."

He ignores me.

Screw Dynasty.

"My blog people are addictive!" I scream

Still nothing.

I see the get-off-the-blog-pipe-already-won't ya look down the nose of his bi-focals.

"Have you been taking your regular medication?" He asks.

"Oh, the one for in-law circus drama? Yeah, nothing helps. Can I have something stronger for that too?"

The doctor frowned at me.

I don't like frowns.

This doctor is an asscake.

"Why don't you just try blogging in small intervals, you know in moderation. You do remember what moderation is don't you?"

What did I tell you?


The fact that this conversation is happening all in my head is no excuse.

I know, you'd think I could come up with a better doctor in my head right?

Maybe my imagination needs something stronger also.

Oh well, because there is no blog doctor (that I know of) to help me through this transition, I must rely strictly on vodka....and blog moderation.


Unless there is a blog doctor in the house.

Are you guys holding out on me with those drugs?

Come on! I'll even take generic!


Ed on June 19, 2010 at 4:03 PM said...

Asscake is AWESOME. I am sooo stealing it.

The word. Not your asscake.

Jules AF on June 19, 2010 at 4:21 PM said...

Blogging IS SO ADDICTIVE. sigh

Jayne Martin on June 19, 2010 at 6:18 PM said...

Tell us about the new gig.

One Photo on June 19, 2010 at 6:28 PM said...

What transition? What's going on here?

Can I also have a badge with "Awesome Asscake" on it to go with my "Will Poop For Chocolate" badge?!?

Fragrant Liar on June 19, 2010 at 7:06 PM said...

Sorry, you're screwed.

adrienzgirl on June 19, 2010 at 7:14 PM said...

Um....go to the local Starbucks. Ask for a quadshot with whatever flavoring you like. Take this three times daily. You will not sleep, but your withdrawals will be sated because you will be up all night blogging. We will deal with the caffeine headaches and insomnia later.

You're welcome.

Macey on June 19, 2010 at 8:19 PM said...

Uh-oh! I smell change...did you change?! Jobs?!
Also, yeah, I can't help with this blog addiction...I'm in way deeper than ever. LOL

Anonymous said...

Sorry I can't help. I've pie in the oven.

Moooooog35 on June 20, 2010 at 2:32 AM said...

Asscake sounds awesome.

Like...asscake made with Jessica Alba.

Asscake from Oprah? Notsomuch.

People Who Know Me Would Say: on June 20, 2010 at 3:44 AM said...

"The doctor is an asscake." You kill me, Mel!

Lisa@GrandmasBriefs on June 20, 2010 at 7:00 AM said...

Priorities, man! Sheesh ... isn't a blog more important that a fancy-schmancy new job?!

Let us know how that moderation thing works for ya! (And let us know how the new job goes, too!)

Bossy Betty on June 20, 2010 at 8:28 AM said...

Blog addiction is real and it makes all of us prettier and smarter. It really does. You NEED us. We NEED you. Come on, man. Read my blog and you'll feel great.....

Unknown on June 20, 2010 at 9:57 AM said...

I'm fighting the same addiction. I think it's worse than heroin addiction but cheaper and doesn't require sticking needles into veins.

I'm all shaky and sweaty if I don't have my blog fix. I cant' take it. I tell you. I need that blog high, or otherwise I can't concentrate and drive off the road. Oh, that's if I forget to take my ADD meds.

Btw, I think we use the same blog shrink, although the sessions take place in my head. But you might not be real anyway.

drollgirl on June 20, 2010 at 1:42 PM said...

the other day i was thinking i should look for a new job, and then i was like WHAT OTHER JOB WOULD LET ME BLOG FOR 6 HOURS A DAY? those are hard to find. bah!

Covnitkepr1 on June 20, 2010 at 7:46 PM said...

I’ve enjoyed looking over your blog. I came across it through another blog I follow, and I’m glad I did. I am now a follower of yours as well. Feel free to look over my blog and perhaps become a follower as well.

Anonymous said...

The problem is methadone is addictive, too, and I'm not sure it works for blog withdrawal. Sorry you're suffering through this.

Wicked Shawn on June 20, 2010 at 9:20 PM said...

You just have it a little backwards. You really need to just find a doctor who will be able to assist you with your job withdrawals. ;)

Brilliant Sulk on June 20, 2010 at 11:22 PM said...

I don't have time to blog much anymore because I have these things...


And I have...



MommaKiss on June 21, 2010 at 11:06 AM said...

I think Dr. Asscake has become my blogging affliction: AssShake. Yes. I am flabby. Could be from the job I do all day, too - accounting. Where you just sit all damn day. AssShake. I need drugs for that, too, please.

Help! Mama Remote... on June 21, 2010 at 11:33 AM said...

rotfl! I think what you're taking is strong enough. Once you take that first initial're always looking for whats stronger lol

Unknown on June 21, 2010 at 3:12 PM said...

Just came by to say "THANKS" for visiting my on my SITS day! Hope you have a wonderful week.

Linda Medrano on June 21, 2010 at 4:59 PM said...

I am so excited about the new job! We might even get legal weed in Cali and if so I'm giving you some when you visit. (That's how we get you hooked on something else!)

Alexandra on June 21, 2010 at 10:27 PM said...

There is no hope, you know that, don't you?

Good. Acknowledgement and acceptance are the first steps to blogging instead of sleeping.

Ma What's 4 dinner on June 22, 2010 at 5:03 AM said...

Asscake??? That is awesome. It's going to be my new word for sure!!! There is no cure...

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner

Andrea on June 22, 2010 at 7:27 AM said...

Hilarious. In your head, you say? Hmmn, there has to be a med for that! :P

The Urban Cowboy on June 22, 2010 at 11:53 AM said...

I'm going to blog about 'asscake' now...damn this blog thing!

Lothiriel on June 22, 2010 at 1:27 PM said...


I can't stop blogging! So addictive!!!

Unknown on June 22, 2010 at 4:51 PM said...

I think I like it even more than asshat, if possible....

I'm totally addicted, too.

Carma Sez on June 22, 2010 at 7:16 PM said...

have you considered quitting the job?? ;-)

Joann Mannix on June 23, 2010 at 8:32 AM said...

See, I promised myself when I woke up this morning that I'd blog for an hour. Yes, I do believe that was over 2 hours ago. If you find that drug, share please.

And, THANK YOU for another derivation of a fun cuss word. I use assbag, but I am loving asscake. I hope you don't mind, If I borrow.

Cascia Talbert on June 23, 2010 at 11:40 AM said...

It is a struggle for me to find enough time to blog. I usually blog for about three hours a day. Like most people I have a life outside of blogging, kids, a husband and a new online store that takes up a lot of my time.

Katherine on June 23, 2010 at 6:11 PM said...

Take three tweets and call me in the morning! I HATE that I often don't have time to read blogs. I can usually pound out something or other fairly quickly if I "have the muse," but I would rather have a little extra time to read!

The Single Mothers Chronicles on June 24, 2010 at 7:50 AM said...

Ha! I think you meant Doc Glob instead of Golb....:-)

I am thinking of consulting 3 days a week and the have the same horrified feeling....guess I won;t bother talking to the Doc in my head...Bastardo...

Yankee Girl on June 24, 2010 at 1:15 PM said...

Even if I spend all day blogging, it never feels like enough. I have no idea what "moderation" means.

Claudya Martinez on June 24, 2010 at 1:47 PM said...

I say get an iPad so you can blog on the go. I mean, you can't go cold turkey.

Jen on June 24, 2010 at 6:29 PM said...

It is addictive but even something things that are wonderful can be too much. Lately I haven't been able to put my heart into it. Not because I don't want to but because I just don't have time right now. See, I can't even leave a decent comment.

Joy@TPMG on June 25, 2010 at 1:17 PM said...

Blogging is to addictive. If I allowed myself, I would spend much longer online.

rachaelgking on June 25, 2010 at 1:42 PM said...

Three years and going strong... it just doesn't get any easier!

Mama Zen on June 26, 2010 at 6:47 AM said...

Moderation is for slackers!

BugginWord on June 26, 2010 at 4:43 PM said...

You're looking for strong stuff? I just got some crazy stuff for my sinus infection. Also? Talcum Powder is fun to say. Look! I have walls!

Unknown on June 26, 2010 at 11:39 PM said...

Hey Darlin....
HOLY CRAP, You have NO idea how much I have missed your posts!!! Seriously - you crack me up like no other.

ASSCAKE. I'm so stealing that as well.

I have no drug for blog withdrawl. And after just coming through that myself, I can honestly say that is just a long road of longing and shaking!! (i kid, I kid)

Thanks for the visit today and the comment love!
Feels so good to be back.
Missed you terribly

Anonymous said...


Unknown on June 27, 2010 at 1:00 PM said...

If you find such a doctor, can I have his number? Ive got the blogging bug baaaadddd.

Liz Mays on June 27, 2010 at 1:56 PM said...

I say quit. We need you.

Mammatalk on June 27, 2010 at 2:40 PM said...

"The fact that the conversation is happening in your head?" Too, too funny!

How about a little chocoalte? That always seems to make things better for me.

Tracie on June 27, 2010 at 7:11 PM said...

Maybe you can get disability for your addiction. Then you won't have to work and you can blog all day long.

ReformingGeek on June 27, 2010 at 7:27 PM said... they make meds for in-law drama?


I'll get back to you.

Must call Doc.

The Lady's Lounge on June 28, 2010 at 4:51 AM said...

Um.. Yeah.
Asscake? Mine, allll mine.

Unknown on June 28, 2010 at 5:38 AM said...

Blog withdrawl, excellent. Asscake, awesome. Subtle Dynasty reference... priceless.

Andrea on June 28, 2010 at 6:18 PM said...

Yeah, just stay on the vodka sister. It helps with the inlaw circus too. Oh and I totally love asscake. Could refer to some inlaws too. Ooops! Did I just say that?

Sheila on June 28, 2010 at 6:42 PM said...

Every time you start jonesing for a blog hit, call your in-laws then your brain (the part that isn't related to the ass-crack DR) will start to relate blogging to your in-laws and wa-la, you'll never want to blog again. If this doesn't work drink you vodka but follow it with a Guinness, that'll make everything all better.

Unknown on June 29, 2010 at 7:17 AM said...

I have been unable to keep up with blogs lately and I now feel like I've been away at summer camp and am trying to readjust and reacquaint myself with everyone again. I don't think I need a doctor; I think I need occupational therapy.

SurferWife on June 29, 2010 at 9:14 PM said...

Well aren't you fun. Thanks for finding me so I could come and find you.

But it sounds like you aren't gonna have a whole lotta time anymore?

We are all just a load of blog junkies trying to get a piece of asscake.

Anonymous said...

I have been suffering from majoy bloggy guilt. Did you get any meds for that?

Patty Punker on June 30, 2010 at 9:50 AM said...

how are you supposed to be a blog whore in moderation? as if.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on June 30, 2010 at 5:57 PM said...

I'm with Stir Fry. Get yourself on mental blog disability and you are smooth sailing from there. But seriously, I hope all is going well with your new job. And don't worry, transitions are always hard. Eventually things will smooth out and you'll be able to blog more. We miss you, of course!! Cuz there's nobody like Mrs. Blogalot. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Tiffany on June 30, 2010 at 8:49 PM said...

i don't know what i'm going to do when i go back to work! is it bye bye blogging?

Anonymous said...


Amo on July 1, 2010 at 12:16 PM said...

I have never heard the term "asscake" but I love it! Blogging is addictive. Sneak in some blogging time!

Bill Lisleman on July 20, 2010 at 8:43 AM said...

I'm trying to start a help line for bloggers.
I Can't Blog
take a look maybe you could offer some advice.

The Absence of Alternatives on July 28, 2010 at 9:17 AM said...

Dammit! Once again I have to say I am NOT that kind of doctor!

You don't need a doctor m'lady. You are perfect the way you are. xxoo

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