Monday, August 23, 2010

Blog Pizz-i-ole

This is probably one of those times when I should exercise good judgment and think before I post.



So if you are not Italian….let me ask you something…..

WHY THE HELL do you pronounce Mozzerella ….Mootz-a-thell?

Who the hell TOLD you to do that?

And I don't mean to sound like a mootza-douche or anything but you know what? Even if you are Italian …unless you stop showing off with the accent on Bru-che-TA.

You're from Queens pal.

Nobody is impressed by this.

You don't see me going around pronouncing ….you know… that getting ready to hock a loogie sound first. Do ya?

But I could you know.

Speaking of rednecks….

I’d like to thank everyone for visiting the other day. Not that I think anyone will be back after that post but what I great day. Once in a Blogtime experience I tell ya!

And I’m still trying to clean up around here….

Ok, who left the stain on the couch?

And I’m probably the only one with a blog who is surprised when people come over and actually read my nonsense.

When I saw bloggers whom I’ve never met before going through my blog… as unbelievable and awesome as it was, it still felt like a hundred people rummaging through my underwear drawer.

And I had to fight the insane urge to follow close behind each one of them clutching the blog posts to my chest and frantically stammer things like "Um, those had holes when I bought them” or “I swear they came in that color’"

...or more likely ‘I was drunk when I wrote that’

See why I didn’t go to Blogher?

It's what happens when you put me in a room full of a hundred or so wonderful self-respecting bloggers.

I tell bad redneck jokes.

It’s just not safe for me to leave my four-blog walls.

Now fess up, who's bra was in the toilet?


Unknown on August 23, 2010 at 3:22 AM said...

My husband said the word 'jalapeno' with a Spanish accent for about a month one summer. It was one of those times when you have to go back and review your wedding vows and talk yourself down from ending it all.

ReformingGeek on August 23, 2010 at 6:02 AM said...

LOL! It drives me nuts when people won't say words correctly. I'm sure I've NEVER been guilty of that.

Hee Hee. I'm sure I never stretched a word with a southern drawl or anything like that.

No, never.

Hee Hee.

Jen on August 23, 2010 at 6:02 AM said...

Oops, sorry. That would be mine. ;)

Anonymous said...

I quite concur with you on the Mozarella crap. I know someone from Jersey who pronounces it that way, and I'm always thinking 'WTF, dude! You're from Hoboken.'

(And don't even get me started on 'chipotle')

Simply Suthern on August 23, 2010 at 6:44 AM said...

Howdy, I thought I was only a tad redneck. Well it depends on who you ask. I spose if I have to read the joke 20 times before I figured out what the punch line was I prolly are one.

Anonymous said...

I live all the redneck jokes! And wouldn't have it any other way!

I also am often amazed that folks read my babble.

mypixieblog on August 23, 2010 at 7:16 AM said...

People who go nuts with the accents drive me crazy, too. I always think that about the SITS day, but it must be nice to have such a high readership all at once, right?? Congrats on your big day (that's me--always a day late and a dollar short. Sorry I didn't stop by sooner!)

The Urban Cowboy on August 23, 2010 at 7:21 AM said...

I'm gonna have to go searching for the redneck post now!

Anonymous said...

Ha! I thought you were going to reveal the mouth mangler as....

Giada DeLaurentis!

She cracks me up with her eye-talian accent.

And was there a fake boob in that bra? IF so, it might be mine.


One Photo on August 23, 2010 at 7:47 AM said...

It was your SITS day while I was away!! Congratulations!!

As for accents, be thankful then you are not a Brit and subject to determination of your status in life based on whether or not you say bath and grass with a short or long "a" sound and a million and one other such defining speech patterns.

Unknown on August 23, 2010 at 8:10 AM said...

Im a big old redneck and I still love ya.. that being said, I pronounce it Mott Za Rella. Its probably wrong, but oh well, I'm not a big fan of the Italian food, or should I say my IBS isnt a big fan.... though I do LOVE me some Italian men.

The Lady's Lounge on August 23, 2010 at 8:43 AM said...

Even in English though... like when people say
"Can I ask you a queSSSTTion"

Fragrant Liar on August 23, 2010 at 8:59 AM said...

Thank GOD! I've been looking everywhere for that bra!

Congrats on your apparent SITS day that I missed.

Lisa @ Grandma's Briefs on August 23, 2010 at 9:16 AM said...

Wasn't MY bra. It's my panties I've been missing since your SITS day. What's up with that!? Exactly what WERE those shots you were passing around?

BLOGitse on August 23, 2010 at 9:17 AM said...

Bra? not mine because I don't wear bras! :)

Kmama on August 23, 2010 at 9:25 AM said...

I can't stand it when people use accents. What bugs me even more is when they say "eye-talian" instead of Italian. I want to scream, do you pronounce it "eye-taly?" NO!!!!

pattypunker on August 23, 2010 at 10:41 AM said...

i love hearing rednecks order "natcho" cheese.
(pronounced like brad pitt prounounces nazi in inglourious basterds)

Linda Medrano on August 23, 2010 at 10:50 AM said...

What is a SITS day? I left my bra very appropriately hanging on the doorknob. Somebody must have moved it to the toilet after I passed out.

Shana on August 23, 2010 at 11:00 AM said...

When Alex Trebek pronounces foreign words on Jeopardy he affects the appropriate accent. He sounds like an idiot. So whenever someone does that my friend and I refer to them as Alex. It drives us nuts.

Coffeypot on August 23, 2010 at 11:40 AM said...

I too am amazed at the number of people who read my stuff - and the comment,too. I AM a redneck from Georgia and I post a Redneck Monday post every Monday. Stop by and take a gander at a few of them. Preciate it!

Anonymous said...

You're too funny - "like someone rummaging through my underwear drawer."

Now i'm going to 'fess up because i'm honest like that that in blog land...I'm Italian and yes, I pronouce mozzarella like that. You don't even want to know what me and my family do to the words cavatelli and manicotti.

Anonymous said...

OK Lady..Im Italian...and of course you know that neopolitan icecream is pronounced "nabale...tan"...remember that next time...BwHahahah..Im guilty of pronouncing things that way and make fun of others who do it "wrong" watch it when you come visit...Oh and I also say "Challah" bread with the "hock a loogie sound first" shoot me..!

Joann Mannix on August 23, 2010 at 5:19 PM said...

My kids make fun of the way I say Pakistan. They say it like they are packing for a trip. I say it Pa, like a dad. For Mother's Day, I asked them to stop making fun of the way I say Pakistan. They still do because sometimes they're just a bunch of assholes.

Congrats again on your SITS day. It wasn't my bra in the toilet, but I think I might have left my I heart Pakistan shot glass somewhere.

MommaKiss on August 23, 2010 at 5:40 PM said...

Well, I don't typically wear a bra, so it's not mine, but did you find my undies yet? I hid them well....

Tiffany on August 23, 2010 at 6:53 PM said...

not my bra...also, not my vomit in the plant holder by the door. just sayin

LucyCooper on August 23, 2010 at 7:22 PM said...

I absolutely detest when poseurs pronounce the word "mobile" as "mow-bile" instead of "mow-bull." As in, "My Mow-bile's gone dead, I won't be able to ring the butcher to ask for a spot of sweetbreads." Puh-lease.

Unknown on August 23, 2010 at 7:22 PM said...

I love bad redneck jokes! Of course I live in Alberta, where approximately 45% of the general population are bad red neck jokes, so there you go. Keep em coming!

And many of us read and love your stuff, thouhg I understand what youa re saying, I am shocked and thrilled when people read and comment on my blog. Cuz I know am totally wasting everyone's time with my babbling crapola....

Wicked Shawn on August 23, 2010 at 8:03 PM said...

I love reading your blog! I didn't comment the other day because, well, wow! I was just blown away, I couldn't find the end of the Comment Here Line. It was like the most popular line at an amusement park. You must be one helluva ride. (badumching)
I live in KY, so the redneck joke was hilarious to me.
Also, can we toss in people who think they are cool when they call Corona's cerveza, pronouncing it with an accent? Dude, you probably don't even tan well.....give me a break, will you??

Unknown on August 23, 2010 at 8:11 PM said...

I hate it when strangers rifle through my underwear drawer. They're the same people who break into my house and put my car keys in the fridge. They love to screw with my mind. Last week, they broke in and stuck all my bras in the dirty laundry. I'm still missing one. Scratching head. I wonder where they put it.

Unknown on August 23, 2010 at 10:37 PM said...

Silly silly, I love your blog I am glad you let us all in your underwear drawer. I have been coming back for more ever since that day :) Keep getting drunk and hitting that keyboard!

Anonymous said...

My husband purposely mispronounces all sorts of words just to irritate me. He's so annoying.

Looks like people were definitely impressed when rummaging through your undies. lol

Ziva on August 24, 2010 at 12:55 AM said...

I've been drunk more than once while writing a blog post, so I totally get what you're saying. Not that I ever have hundreds of self-respecting bloggers rummaging through my blog posts like they were on sale, but if I did, I would totally get what you're saying.

And I absolutely hate it whenever I try to speak English and everything comes out in this silly European accent. Stupid mouth, it sounded just fine in my head.

Veronica on August 24, 2010 at 6:53 AM said...

Hm.. I didn't realize your underwear had holes in it. I can no longer follow you..

Can I have my bra back!

J/K of course.

I did ransack your drawers but I decided to stick around because I liked what a I saw!

You didn't want that red lace camisole back did you?

An Imperfect Momma on August 24, 2010 at 7:54 AM said...

you are hysterical! And you know what? I agree...unless you are should not pronounce it like that. My brother and I were talking and he corrected me when I apparently said it wrong; I was like: But dood you're puerto rican...who cares if you pronounce it wrong?

Alexandra on August 24, 2010 at 11:20 AM said...

I LOVE THIS POST!! I must send it out on twitter/tweeter/twatter...whatever. After I figure out how.


Gigi on August 24, 2010 at 11:30 AM said...

Those drugs were NOT mine. I swear.

Didn't get to come here on SITS day but I'll have a look around. If Empress likes you you must be good!

Kitty Deschanel on August 24, 2010 at 8:18 PM said...

I'm back...but it was not my bra! I swear!! The whole pronunciation thing makes me a bit wary sometimes, especially with so many Spanish pronunciations here in Albuquerque. Usually I flake out by finding a way to say what I want without actually using the word :)

JennyMac on August 25, 2010 at 7:40 AM said...

hilarious. And so sorry I missed your SITS day!

Captain Dumbass on August 25, 2010 at 7:43 AM said...

It's called a "bro" and I'd like it back as soon as possible.

People Who Know Me Would Say: on August 25, 2010 at 9:14 AM said...

"mootza douche"! I thought douche was priceless on its own, but you have upped the ante!!!

I do pronounce Chanukah (for which there is no real incorrect spelling in English) like I'm going to hock a lugie. What kind of douche does that make me? I want to be a special douche! Come on! Let me be one

Kristy @Loveandblasphemy on August 25, 2010 at 1:14 PM said...

YOu know what I find dangerous? Drunk facebook commenting on other people's status'. I need to stop doing that.

Maureen@IslandRoar on August 25, 2010 at 1:32 PM said...

Oh, I haven't been in BlogLand for a while and boy, have I missed you and your directness!! You can always make me laugh.

Annie (Lady M) x on August 26, 2010 at 2:38 AM said...

I've not heard the mozarella one, but I do think people sound like knobs when they pronounce Chorizo like Choritho...... !

IASoupMama on August 26, 2010 at 7:09 AM said...

I can remember being mortified during my teenage years when my mother would order "cwah-soen" instead of croissants. We're not French, we live in Iowa. Since then, I've just gone with my frumpy white-ness and pronounced things the "regular" way.

Elly Lou on August 26, 2010 at 10:33 AM said...

I like to make the word "fajita" rhyme with vagina. I'm a huge hit at a mexican restaurant.

Joy@TPMG on August 26, 2010 at 12:32 PM said...

I hate being in a restaurant and being corrected. You know when they give you that look (the one with one eyebrow raised and their head cocked to one side) as they say "Oh you mean...". Congrats on your SITS Day!!! I'm sorry I missed it. I have been guilty of blog negligence lately.

drollgirl on August 26, 2010 at 2:52 PM said...

oh that mozarella thing. argh. i also hate it when someone is speaking english, and they say a spanish word all SPANISH-Y, and then they revert to plain old english. why does it annoy me so much? humph.

Ducky on August 26, 2010 at 6:30 PM said...

If there was soggy kleenex in the bra...likely it was mine. And I married an Italian...was made fun of for pronouncing things the "American" way...have since amended my speech.

Likely those amendments will stay with me for life even though he won't. Justsayin.... I'm gonna be one of those you roll yer eyes at

Happy Mom's Daily on August 27, 2010 at 1:47 PM said...

As a thanks to your blog for inspiring me I’ve given you a blog award! Here’s the post it is at :

Jen on August 27, 2010 at 2:54 PM said...

Ooh, you got a blog award! Woohoo!

Okay, I'll stop. This was funny because I feel the same way when strangers stop by. Go figure because geez I spend a lot of time trying to get them to come over and then when they do I run around like three year old saying "mine, mine".

Amo on August 28, 2010 at 7:20 PM said...

We know a girl who has Hispanic heritage, but she is from the American South. However, everytime she says "burrito", she pronounces it like she might if she was actually born and raised in Mexico. She rolls her "r's" and says "Burrr-RI-TO!" We don't get it.

Shell on August 29, 2010 at 6:19 AM said...

LOL @ feeling like people were going through your underwear drawers! But, what a day! Love all the SITS attention.

I'm not as annoyed by people pronouncing things like that, but I sometimes want to screech at people for using obnoxious and grammatically incorrect sayings. Like "Listen at him!" You don't listen AT someone, you listen TO them. It makes my ears bleed to hear that.

injaynesworld on August 29, 2010 at 2:16 PM said...

Congrats on your big day. May I just add to your grammatical pet peeves? "Drug" is not the past tense of "drag". It's "dragged." Thank you. Now I'm going to go take some good drugs.

Sorry about the stain on the couch.

Beth Zimmerman on August 29, 2010 at 2:28 PM said...

It took me a LONG time to sign up for a SITS day and now I'm in no hurry for it to come because I know it will stress me out! But now it will also make me laugh because I will mentally compare it to strangers rummaging through my underwear! And speaking in phony accents! Thank you for that!

Sandra on August 29, 2010 at 2:52 PM said...

You're funny! And your blog is pure delight! And I don't say things with an accent. I'm the one who pronounces all the letters. For instance, my friend has a son named: Jose, pronounced Ho-say, but I call him Jo-si...yeah, she hates me.

Liz Mays on August 30, 2010 at 6:48 AM said...

You have to go to BlogHer, you do! You can just sit in the back if you want until you're ready to show yourself!

You're adorable.

Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) on August 30, 2010 at 10:17 AM said...

You crack me up girl. My two youngest little hillbilly granddaughters call Parmesan Cheese, "Framer John"! Heeehehehe

God bless ya and have an incredible day!!!

Claudya Martinez on August 30, 2010 at 7:13 PM said...

It certainly wasn't my bra in the toilet, but I did use the facilities. I hope it's okay that I took a shower. You were out of toiler paper and it seemed like the only option available.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on September 1, 2010 at 12:02 PM said...

Defnitely my bra in the toilet. I like to feel free when I'm partying.

Nancy C on September 1, 2010 at 12:20 PM said...

Oh, that's funny! It's not my bra, because mine is the size of a Q-tip.

I don't like how newscasters talk like they are from Milwaukee, but when it's a Spanish word, they are suddenly pure Latina.

LBDDiaries on September 3, 2010 at 12:23 PM said...

I'm so glad I CAME BACK and checked you out again. So see? You didn't scare everyone away after all.

emily on September 8, 2010 at 2:40 PM said...

AHHHHH! yesss! i got into a major fight with my ex-boyfriend once because he insisted on pronouncing "bistro" as "biss-troh" instead of "bee-stroh". i think it led to the break up, no lie.

The Absence of Alternatives on September 10, 2010 at 5:33 AM said...

Go to BlogHer! You are going to have so much fun! What do you mean the OTHER bloggers? No joke. I always thought you are one of the popular girls! :-) xxoo

Anonymous said...

Absofrickinlutely hilarious! Loved every second I spent reading your blog. Hope it's ok if I come back and "rummage" through again.

Terri (new blogger...already got the bug)

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