Tuesday, August 3, 2010

My Blog-o-nee Has a First Name....










I’m a phony.



A BIG FAT PHONY BLOG-O-NEE.



Well, what else could I be?


I’m not cursing at you in the supermarket for cutting the line am I?….


I’m not trying to run you off the highway just so I can give you a road-rage finger or fist right?


And I’m always on my best bloggy behavior (sarcasm and drunken silliness notwithstanding).


I’m good here all - the - time.


My husband should be so fortunate.


There was nothing about being good in the vows btw (I watched the tape back)



But don’t you see?



….Phony Blog-o-nee!


The real me curses, shoves and gives dirty looks when called for and maybe even just for fun....And they can't prove anything about that car in the ditch.


The problem is you guys never upset me.


You make me laugh, you make me happy….


Where’s the realness in that??


This is the one place where the best of me shines…again, because nobody is slamming me down the aisle to get the last box of cookies on sale.


Hey! Was that you?


Or you?


Naw….My awesome bloggy friends know how to act.


It’s those damn real-life people that I have to worry about.


Was that you?



68 comments:

natalee on August 4, 2010 at 3:54 AM said...

That was sooo sweet...lol.... I feel the same way

My name is PJ. on August 4, 2010 at 4:03 AM said...

So often, when I need a pick-me-up and don't even realize it, I visit my favorite blogs....and laugh my butt off. You're like a drug to me, Mel!

inannasstar on August 4, 2010 at 4:21 AM said...

Well at least your nice on your blog...I'm a bitch in real life and cyberspace.

Dual Mom on August 4, 2010 at 4:27 AM said...

Sigh. Sorry...that was me in the cookie aisle...

Tracie on August 4, 2010 at 5:04 AM said...

The internet is so much better than the real world!

Simply Suthern on August 4, 2010 at 5:09 AM said...

Well ya got the Oscar Mayer tune streaming in my head. Thanks for that.

I'm a softy all the time.

*LLUVIA* on August 4, 2010 at 5:25 AM said...

Sorry...that was me, but in my defense, I had not had cookies in a long time! xD
I really thought you were snatching the last box!

Moooooog35 on August 4, 2010 at 5:25 AM said...

Wait...I'm supposed to be on my BEST behavior on my blog?

That sounds terrible.

blogitse on August 4, 2010 at 6:13 AM said...

In this world all adult women are prinecesses, have pink colored blogs and they are so sweet.
I wish to meet more of them in real life! :)

BigSis on August 4, 2010 at 6:23 AM said...

I agree - if real life people (especially at work) acted like the blogosphere I would have no need for alcohol or Xanax. Of course, I wouldn't give up the wine; I just wouldn't NEED it.

The Urban Cowboy on August 4, 2010 at 7:16 AM said...

I'm really just a bot. :)

A Daft Scots Lass on August 4, 2010 at 7:36 AM said...

Cool post *dirty look*

BugginWord on August 4, 2010 at 8:12 AM said...

I'm confused. I'm supposed to be mean to you and not curse? Is the sky still blue?

Linda Medrano on August 4, 2010 at 8:16 AM said...

Oh Honey, you are always good, but when you're bad you're even better! I love my bloggy pals too, and they aren't a pain in the neck to me like IRL people are! So, smile that pretty smile and relax. If you get tired of your husband, find a bloggy man substitute and pen passionate comments on his post. When he does the same for you, you can feel the joy of first love! And you don't even have to sleep in the wet spot.

Sabreena on August 4, 2010 at 9:01 AM said...

Hey, that was my car in the ditch! But it wasn't me trying to get to the cookies because my lazy ass misses every good sale that exists. I too like the bloggy people a little better because I have a choice about whether or not I want to participate in their dramas or triumphs. RP's pretty much push their crap on you with or without consent. It's like mind rape.

Doreen McGettigan on August 4, 2010 at 9:25 AM said...

You are so right we are all on our best behavior here. I curse too. Worse yet I teach my 3 year old grand daughter to curse just because it is so cute that she gets it and knows the appropriate time to throw the word in. I know I'm horrible!
I am a new visitor and follower from Over 40 FF. I hope when you get the time you will stop by for a visit..
doreenmcgettigan.blogspot.com/they say everyone has a story..

Coffeypot on August 4, 2010 at 9:31 AM said...

But snarky, irate, bitter women turn me on. I guess it's because that is the way women act around me. Especially after I ignore the restraining orders. What is this 'nice' woman you speak of? Is there such a thing?

luckydame on August 4, 2010 at 10:24 AM said...

I love reading all my bloggy friends entries when I'm having a down day, even with all the snarkiness. That makes it even better!

Unknown Mami on August 4, 2010 at 11:19 AM said...

Be careful, you might not like me in real life. Although, I am quite charming if I do say so myself.

The Blue Zoo on August 4, 2010 at 11:40 AM said...

Ha! Thats funny cause I was thinking about a post titled "Warning - This Blog Makes Me Appear Nicer Than I Actually Am" LOL But thats kinda loooong.

PattyPunker on August 4, 2010 at 12:02 PM said...

i'm with you. the blogosphere often makes me much happier and calmer than the real world. it's like e-prozac. (not that i plan on giving up my chemicals of choice anytime soon)

Quirkyloon on August 4, 2010 at 12:29 PM said...

Ha! Talk about hitting the nail on the head.

I totally am a complete *itch in real life. It's much nicer to be nice and smile in cyber land. Plus you can't see if I've got anything stuck in my teeth.

And that, my friend, is a good thing.

hee hee

Aging Mommy on August 4, 2010 at 12:30 PM said...

Oh so sweet - I know what you mean though, this is my place to come and talk with my oh so nice blogging friends, away from all the real world angst :-)

Lauren on August 4, 2010 at 12:36 PM said...

I want to live in Blogland and party with avatars and people with funny names, like PattyPunker, and The Blue Zoo, and Unknown Mami.

Reality is overrated and hurts when misguided supermarket souls, doing wheelies behind you, gouge the back of your heal with their cart.

I never get cart-gouged in Blogland only Spammed, and there's a place for that, the Spam folder, also known as email purgatory.

If only there was a Spam folder for inconsiderate twits in the real world.

Brahm (alfred lives here) on August 4, 2010 at 2:43 PM said...

So true, and so right -- I want to be in blog world with my blog friends so much more than real life.

And that may have been me who cut you off in the supermarket, I get easily distracted when on a mission. But is sure wasnt me with 23 items in the 15 item express lane. That guy is an asshole...

smArtee on August 4, 2010 at 3:35 PM said...

I know...Ive been so stressed in the real world..."Blog-World...take me away"...Im on my old/new blog due to difficulties...yes with real life people in blogland...some people shouldnt be on blogs, or reading blogs at all..anyway..Im at http://mylifeincolour-robinmead.blogspot.com..my old art blog that Im now using...and I love it back in blogger....Missed you....a lot..!

Joy on August 4, 2010 at 6:36 PM said...

The blog world can be so much nicer than the real world sometimes. It is nice to have a place to get away:)

Ed on August 5, 2010 at 12:17 AM said...

You ARE a woman. Split personalities seem the norm.

So, would you prefer we call you MrsBitchesAlot.com?

Tiffany on August 5, 2010 at 7:41 AM said...

i think i'm a lot nicer on the internets too, actually. less cranky? that's a different story.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on August 5, 2010 at 4:01 PM said...

I'm sorry. That was me in the cookie aisle. I get crazed around those chocolate macaroons.

惠宛佳桂 on August 6, 2010 at 1:42 AM said...

愛,拆開來是心和受兩個字。用心去接受對方的一切,用心去愛對方的所有。......................................................................

Joann Mannix on August 6, 2010 at 10:54 AM said...

I feel the very same way. I have sanctioned myself from blogs this week just to get some writing done and I just find the real world so much less tolerable...and ignorant.

Look, I think even your Chinese spammer above me, is being nice. I think he's saying, "you are fabulous Mrs. Blogalot, but pardon the intrusion, I have penis enhancements here for a great price. Thank you so much."

See...even the spammers have manners in blog world.

Lisa@GrandmasBriefs on August 6, 2010 at 2:22 PM said...

We're all so nice to you simply because YOU WRITE THE BEST POST TITLES EVER!

Well, that and you have interesting Chinese spammers! Have you translated that comment? Wo-ho-ho! It's a doozy!

(Okay, I don't really know what the hell it says, but hope you'll share when you find out what it does say!)

Andrea on August 6, 2010 at 4:05 PM said...

It wasn't me, really, but if I ever see them, I will get them good for ya!! (Insert southern accent) You know you can count on me in a tussle!

40 on August 7, 2010 at 5:55 AM said...

LOVE your bloggy, my dear and thank you for following mine!

Kai
40andFLABulous.blogspot.com

Laila on August 7, 2010 at 6:49 AM said...

I had to laugh when I read this post. I often find myself screaming at my kids while I'm writing sweet, happy comments on blogs.

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick on August 7, 2010 at 3:41 PM said...

Of course it wasn't us. We don't leave our homes.

Erin on August 8, 2010 at 12:44 PM said...

I agree with Tracie Stir Fry and am laughing at Diane's comment---we don't leave our homes. HAHAHHAHAHHAHAA! and tracie is right. BlogLand is the best. So much better than real life. Sigh.

ANd for the record, even in real life, I'd never give someone the finger or try to steal the last box of cookies, etc. etc.....I think my problem is I'm too nice. I need to grow some balls.

Jayne Martin on August 8, 2010 at 5:18 PM said...

Real life? What is this "real life" of which you speak?

老陆 on August 8, 2010 at 9:36 PM said...

向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

Midwestern Mama Holly on August 8, 2010 at 9:36 PM said...

There must be something wrong with me. I scream in here and in real life. Maybe I just need to get laid?

Jen on August 9, 2010 at 5:20 PM said...

I thought the blogosphere was the real place and real life was just a nightmare I have each night.

blueviolet on August 10, 2010 at 3:58 AM said...

Seeing as how I'm merging the blog world with the real world, I'm finding the perfect mix! :) Try it!

Ma What's 4 dinner on August 10, 2010 at 6:12 AM said...

It was me! I'm sorry. I really needed those cookies. :) Nah, J/K. You are the best. It's easy to make you happy because YOU are awesome. Just sit back and bask in the glow.

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com

Mammatalk on August 10, 2010 at 10:34 AM said...

It might have been me....but I always put on my happy face here. Isn't blogging the best?

Captain Dumbass on August 10, 2010 at 3:38 PM said...

Real life people got it coming.

The Absence of Alternatives on August 11, 2010 at 12:41 AM said...

I have been thinking about this a lot: do I like my online friends better than my real-life friends? Why is that? Should I feel guilty? We have responsibilities towards our real-life friends, so that could be a pain sometimes. We see the stuff they have: bigger house, better car, better behaved kids, that may be annoying even if one is not the greedy kind. Whereas online, it is almost like flirting guilt-free and risk-free with regulars at a bar. I have no idea where I am going with this. Considering how it's almost 3 am, could I just say I adore you and leave it at that?

偉曹琬 on August 11, 2010 at 5:21 AM said...

說「吃虧就是便宜的人」,多半不是吃虧的人。......................................................................

Andrea (ace1028) on August 11, 2010 at 6:23 AM said...

It wasn't me ... I promise!!!! I think we're our true selves here in bloggy land, but we're fortunate enough to have peeps who don't tick us off enough to bring that *other* side out. ;)

Chef Eureka on August 12, 2010 at 6:37 AM said...

Hehehehe, that was great. It's nice to enjoy a little lightness in the day :) Thank you for sharing!

Beth on August 13, 2010 at 11:05 AM said...

LOL - well all tend to play nice for the most part in blog-land, eh? ;)

I'm a new follower from MBC and would love for you to come visit me at http://www.createyourtraditions.com. :)

drollgirl on August 13, 2010 at 1:04 PM said...

bah! this is so true! blog land is sort of a sanctuary compared to the rest of planet earth!

Stephanie on August 13, 2010 at 6:38 PM said...

I may or may not have been in the grocery store wtih you .I refuse to confirm or deny anything...All I can say is IF it was me I DID NOT cut you in line.. My left foot was in front of your cart and you tried to push me out of the way....IF I was there.

冠陳儒 on August 13, 2010 at 6:52 PM said...

請繼續發表好文!加油加油再加油!............................................................

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com on August 15, 2010 at 5:54 PM said...

Those real life people can just be SO annoying. BTW...the comment above mine, written in chinese characters...wud he say?

孫邦柔 on August 15, 2010 at 7:58 PM said...

來看你了~心在、愛在、牽掛在,幸福才會繁衍不息^^...............................................................

Heather Johnson on August 15, 2010 at 11:41 PM said...

Forget real life, blogger friends are much better.
Congrats on your SITS day.

Come on over and visit.
http://familyvolley.blogspot.com

Fuyume on August 16, 2010 at 1:07 AM said...

im a new follower. love ur blog very humourous i shall deffo be checking in often xx

http://fuyumeuk.blogspot.com

Reenie on August 16, 2010 at 1:56 AM said...

Oh, how true for me too... my bloggie friends never upset me... it's the REAL LIFE people.... that never fails to do that... bleh!

Grace on August 16, 2010 at 5:10 AM said...

Yeah, I only get love from my blog peeps. It's a wonderful world. Congratulations on your SITS day!

Ronnica on August 16, 2010 at 7:34 AM said...

I think my commenters are the best in the world...they always stay respectable, even though we might be discussing very different sides of a controversial issue!

An Imperfect Momma on August 16, 2010 at 9:03 AM said...

I love my blog peeps. Definitely awesome people that if i knew em IRL i....dont know how to finish that sentence. LOL. But seriously, I love em and I return that love.

simplysandi on August 16, 2010 at 9:10 AM said...

This is so true. I put on my "best face" for my blog. No tangents or rants. Why just the other day a friend sent me a text saying "wow, haven't seen you in a while, but I'm following your blog, and you really seem to be in a good place". I'm like, yeah, I keep the bad places to myself. :) Congrats again for your SITS day.

Stephanie - Green SAHM on August 16, 2010 at 2:07 PM said...

For the most part, only my family gets to see my evil side. Have to let people think that I really am sane.

Trixie and Tess on August 16, 2010 at 2:23 PM said...

LOL. That's so funny. The blogosphere is one of my favorite places to be. When real life gets me down, this is where I come. It's a coping mechanism. Real life just sucks sometimes.

Tess♥

LucyCooper on August 20, 2010 at 4:34 AM said...

THat's the best blog post title, EVER.

The Absence of Alternatives on August 23, 2010 at 7:22 AM said...

Short, funny and to the point. This is exactly why real life friends are getting all the blame because they are right here in 3D to annoy us! LOL. ;-) I suspect this may also be why it becomes awkward when people you know IRL start reading your blogs... They are probably thinking: Hey, how come you love this person online more than me? After I watched your kid that night when he threw up on our carpet?! (And of course, she totally forgot when her dog pooed in your front yard and you stepped in it...)

Paige on September 4, 2010 at 8:11 PM said...

oh god love it! and love you! so glad i stumbled across your blog

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