Wednesday, December 29, 2010

No Post Radio!














I feel a severe bout of strange coming on.


Something unthinkable happened this holiday season.


I might even be talking to you from another dimension right now…I’m still not sure.


Not sure because if there is one thing I can depend on every holiday season, year in and year out…come hell or ...OK, just hell... it’s


Family Drama at Christmas.


Scream filled hallways splattered with insults and slights.


Legendary rifts dividing loved ones to separate corners forever....




So imagine my surprise when, with 2005 and 2008 grudge notes firmly in hand,





…it never came.




Maybe they were waiting until after dinner this time to begin the fallout festivities.


But even after the appropriate compliments on the food and dibs on leftovers were all said and done….



Still nothing.



Perhaps after suffering through each person’s sorry-ass, eight count piano rendition of Heart and Soul…



Nope.



Were they waiting for me to start?



‘cause I can do this.



Ooooh wait…



“Soooo how’s work going?” my sister in law asks as she slides herself onto the seat across from me.



Finally, here it comes.



I see my husband throw me a conspiring go-get-‘em wink.



I shoot him back my best Lock and Load heads up.




Ready.




“Not bad, putting in a lot of hours, you know, trying to make it work”



“That’s great. I envy you trying something different at this stage of your life. I wish I had the guts to try something else”



…OH YEAH? WELL WHAT ABOUT THE TIME WHEN YOU SAID….huh?....wha?...



um...thanks”



?


OK, hold on here comes my other sister in law…a.k.a. Thing Two…. Now this is gonna be good.


“Hey I loved that cake you brought. It was delicious and wow your hair grew back so fast. It looks great!”



What the…..?




ALRIGHT, WHO’S DYING?




“er...thanks ….”



“Could you tell me who cuts your hair? I really need a new stylist”






“…GRRRRRRR.....I’ll email you the number…”




Am I dying?




What the HELL is happening here???!!



And it went on like this ALL night!



Everyone playing……….



NICE!



No bloodbath over Monopoly, no bruised feelings over past brawls that were securely embedded last time I checked.



What’s this world coming to when you can’t even depend on the annual Christmas fight that fuels us with the anger in which we’ve become accustomed to the entire year long?



Respective in-laws retreating into their cars to discuss the “can you believe’s” and “how could theys”.



The annual added layer of bitterness that helps build and sustain the completely, unhealthy drama that is so distinctively our family?



Don’t tell me I’ll have to find something else to talk to my husband about now.




All's I know is that 2010 ended with confusion and a well-prepared list of unspoken insults burning a hole in my stomach.



But, as the New Year rolled in..... it all became perfectly clear.






They're plotting to kill me.







Finally some action!



How was your family drama? (-:



38 comments:

Moooooog35 on January 3, 2011 at 5:31 AM said...

My family drama went away when I got the divorce this year so, you know, remember that as a valid option if it gets to be too much.

You're welcome.

Simply Suthern on January 3, 2011 at 5:55 AM said...

LMAO Disappointed eh?

Ours went overly smooth as well. I dont really look forward to the confrontations so it was really welcome. My son didnt even grumble when we took the annual coming down the stairs Christmas morning pic.

My Bro in law from Ohio tried but I dodged his "things are better everywhere but here" barbs by eating his Panang Curry(fabulous BTW) and HMMMMMMMMM'ed louder than his yakking.

Glad your Christmas went smooth(I think).

Great to see you.

Happy New Years

blueviolet on January 3, 2011 at 6:01 AM said...

You spent the whole time waiting for the other shoe to drop instead of basking in the holiday joy, LOL!!!!

Kmama on January 3, 2011 at 6:23 AM said...

LOL!!

No family drama this year. At least not at Christmas. Maybe we have enough year round that we were spared?

Tiffany on January 3, 2011 at 7:18 AM said...

thankfully, we spend christmas at home, just the four of us. it.is.glorious. the only drama we have is who's touching whose toy...

Lisa@GrandmasBriefs on January 3, 2011 at 8:19 AM said...

Wow! That certainly would make ya feel as if the pod people were out and about! No pod people at my place, unfortunately. The gathering went well enough, it was the day after that the passive-aggressive antics ensued. Ah, family. Can't believe ya once lived with 'em, right?

Happy New Year, my friend.

Quirkyloon on January 3, 2011 at 8:56 AM said...

LMBO!

So funny! You made me snort, real loud.

Veronica on January 3, 2011 at 10:13 AM said...

Surprisingly no drama on our end either. Now that I'm back in town and haven't really had a decent conversation with my mother, that might change haha.

reagansultani on January 3, 2011 at 11:24 AM said...

Their is definitely something weird in the air this year. My husband actually went with me to my families house this year. You aren't dying, I am or he is. S P O O O O O K Y . . . . . . .

Denise Burks on January 3, 2011 at 11:34 AM said...

ok this is too weird. this may have been the most pleasant christmas i have had since moving to the suburbs 13 years ago. dodododo ...dodododo

Joann Mannix on January 3, 2011 at 11:49 AM said...

I love my sister-in-laws, so we never have any drama, there. On the other hand, my in-laws are craaaaazzzy. And they've been with us for over 2 weeks. They were planning on staying longer, but the chaos of my household filled with teenagers sent them packing. Hurray for chaos and teenagers!

I hope your peace keeps up and that they don't come for you at night with camouflaged faces and silencers.

Life in the mom lane on January 3, 2011 at 11:54 AM said...

This is part of their evil plot to lull you into a false sense of security so they can get you NEXT year! ha! :)

Joanna on January 3, 2011 at 2:01 PM said...

Same thing happened at our Christmas events this year too! It was very strange, almost too Norman Rockwell for comfort.

Daffy on January 3, 2011 at 2:16 PM said...

I will hide you

*looks over shoulder*

I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy. Don't know how the hell that will help you, but just thought you should know...you know?!

Linda Medrano on January 3, 2011 at 2:34 PM said...

Honey, I have avoided all family drama successfully now for 5 years. I have neither seen or spoken to any of my 3 sisters in all that time since my Mother died. And the truth is, I don't miss it, or them. But I'm glad things were smooth with your family this year. (Just don't go counting on it to be the same next year, because who knows!) xxooxx

Jen on January 3, 2011 at 2:55 PM said...

No drama here because I refused to spend the holiday with my only relative and he seemed okay with that though I really wouldn't know since I haven't talked to him since the snow blower incident.

I bet you are dying and this is like one of those miniseries where you are the last to know. Or, you are already dead but haven't moved on like in the Sixth Sense. I bet that's what's happening.

Sorry, that kinda sucks.

Jayne Martin on January 3, 2011 at 4:08 PM said...

LMAO! Oh, my dear -- I have so missed you. Clearly, they're trying to "Gaslight" you, my friend. Please don't tell me you're too young to know what that means or I'll have to do you harm myself. Anyway, I had a family and drama free holiday. I spent it with someone else's family and they were delightful.

Happy New Year. Hope to see more of you in the coming year, my friend.

Patty Punker on January 3, 2011 at 5:57 PM said...

don't you hate being disarmed with politeness and kindness? that was totally the calm before the storm. i'm very afraid for you. i'd dial up my paranoia and augment my ammo if i were you. sonsabitches.

Sandra on January 4, 2011 at 2:31 PM said...

I'm still laughing...and slightly disappointed, I was hoping for some good rebutals.
Isn't that the truth though, what will we talk to our husbands about. I totally count on family gossip to keep my communication skills well hoaned.

Kristy on January 5, 2011 at 5:40 PM said...

Family drama is what keeps our family (dys)functioning!

Unknown Mami on January 5, 2011 at 7:50 PM said...

Maybe they are just throwing you off so they can get you next year. Or maybe they are finally aware of how wonderful you are.

THE SNEE on January 6, 2011 at 1:34 PM said...

Unexpected civility is a shocker. I'd be scared too, very scared.......or actually be prepared. Once your guardrails are down, the cows seem to come home. Happy New Year Mrs. Blogalot!

Lauren on January 7, 2011 at 11:34 AM said...

That's it! Let the conspiracy theories, uh, er, delusions begin. Maybe they'll choose death by chocolate. That's how I want to go . . . though with a hint of Amaretto. Nice is the new four-letter word.

I'd watch your back for sure. Something's definitely up in WTF town.

The Absence of Alternatives on January 9, 2011 at 7:31 PM said...

I like the ending! The whole time I was expecting the "Who shot JR" episode, you know, it all turned out to be a dream.

Oh, shut up, I ruined Dallas for you? Come on. If you haven't seen it now, you ain't gonna see it ever.

Happy New Year sweet heart!

The Blue Zoo on January 9, 2011 at 10:45 PM said...

lol Dont you just hate it when everyone plays nice?!

I stayed home with my kiddos and had a quiet Christmas in my PJ's. Drama free. =)

smArtee on January 10, 2011 at 3:57 AM said...

You know I have heard this from so many this year...well not me I had a little drama....nothing to bad though...!! Im happy for you...enjoy it while it lasts..Hey does this mean you're back...two posts in a short time...Wooo Hooo...now thats good news..!

ReformingGeek on January 10, 2011 at 2:42 PM said...

You're right. You have nothing to talk about now, Gosh Dern It!

Our drama tends to happen at other times of the year. I'm glad we don't really have it over Christmas.

May your 2011 be full of blog fodder.

Oh, wait.

The Single Mothers Chronicles on January 11, 2011 at 8:44 AM said...

Haha!! Obviously it's a trick :-)! I got married on New Year's Eve (still need to post about it) and we did hold our breath for drama - nothing happened here either - we were so surprised...I had all sorts of intelligent yet biting commentary prepared to stop all nonsense and none came! (saving it for next year though because recycling is important for the earth).

Glad you are back!
Swati

Susan R. Mills on January 11, 2011 at 9:15 PM said...

Strangely enough, I experienced the same thing this holiday season. Everyone was nice. Oh, I hope there isn't a plot on my life too!!!!

drollgirl on January 12, 2011 at 1:14 PM said...

LOL! somebody must have put something in the koolaid! let's hope they do it again this xmas! :)

FoodMuster on January 17, 2011 at 12:27 AM said...

What a crack up!! I bet they ARE plotting to kill you!!! We had dramas leading up to the day but it was my family 'on' year so I missed the in-laws altogther! I saw them the next day and the family that causes the most drama, was not there, so it was nice!!

Sex, Drugs and Bacon Sandwiches on January 18, 2011 at 6:32 AM said...

I missed out on the drama of this year too... Something really weird is happening in the world! Maybe Santa Claus spiked all the food with happy pills when he delivered the presents?!!

Yankee Girl on January 19, 2011 at 11:01 AM said...

No drama on my end either! It was quiet and uneventful.

But sometimes the eventful stuff can be so much fun!

Rachele on January 20, 2011 at 12:08 PM said...

Our Christmas was pretty uneventful because, I assume, I broke off the Thanksgiving tradition of going to the In-laws and instead did Thanksgiving at my house and didn't invite them. We had it, just the 4 of us, and it was AWESOME. Great to stay home and just relax. I think this put everyone on notice.

MommaKiss on January 20, 2011 at 5:25 PM said...

Wanna know why we had zero drama? I was drunk. So? I probably caused it, but don't have the memory of it :p

The Empress on January 22, 2011 at 11:32 PM said...

No drama this year. We were thankfully TOO BROKE so we stayed home.

Thank GOD, for no money.

Hope all is well, I miss you and your beautiful blog.

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick on January 24, 2011 at 8:55 PM said...

Aw, you kids are growing up!

Ha!

This was so, so true. Be careful what you wish for, because if everyone is well behaved, what will we have to complain to our husbands about? Crap, there goes the after-party conversation. :)

Annie (Lady M) x on January 27, 2011 at 12:17 PM said...

Hello my lovely... you do make me laugh me head off! What are you like? I could totally relate to wanting to have a pop at horrible rellys ..... it's like a sport isn't it?!!

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