Monday, February 14, 2011

Blog In A Box

I believe in instinct.

I believe in being blunt.

I do NOT believe I can fly.

I believe someone should be working on a Time Machine that has the ability to retract all of life's "unfortunate" little moments at the touch of a button.

But until they get cracking on that sucker....

Perhaps I should have pressed that "Mute" button when stating comically to a coworker that I'd rather be hit with a double inverted yeast infection and a side of congo rash rather than go to a meeting with my manager while on a conference call....

...whilst said manager was listening in on the other end of that conference call


...Why can't we fly again?

I've since changed my name and identity to protect the innocent but I can't hide in this office forever.

They just don't make holes big enough these days.

Making a coworker snort has it's price.

And yes, I know, we all must follow our own instincts and respective moral compasses. But man, I would really like to have that machine right about now.

Surely a contraption such as this could finally save me from myself!!!

What is the delay?

We make bombs right?

I don't understand the problem.

Btw, anyone have a good cure for congo rash?

... I have to go to a meeting now.


Coffeypot on February 14, 2011 at 11:51 AM said...

I had to look up Congo Rash on Google and your blog came up third down the list. You are famous.

BugginWord on February 14, 2011 at 12:01 PM said...

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to slather it with Nutella and dijonnaise.

Simply Suthern on February 14, 2011 at 12:12 PM said...

Looking into my crystal ball I'm sensing another meeting real soon. The door is closed but i'm hearing pucker up baby, smack, smack, smack. Major _____ kissing going on.

Just so ya know, The coyote had some of those portable holes. All sizes and depths. Just pour it out and jump in it. Orrrrr just pour it under the managers chair.

I'm thinking Windex for the Congo Rash.

Happy Valentines Day. Ouch.

Susan R. Mills on February 14, 2011 at 12:14 PM said...

Ooops! I could use one of those time machines myself.

Moooooog35 on February 14, 2011 at 12:24 PM said...

I want that time machine so I can go back before I knew what Congo Rash was.

Unknown on February 14, 2011 at 12:35 PM said...

Grap! That's not the cure for Congo Rash. It's the second word after *shit* that came to mind since I've got shit for brains. Too bad your moral compass was pointed at your manager. Poor misdirected moral compass. Was your manager supposed to be on the conference call? Check your office for bugs. Next time consider using Skype.

Jewell on February 14, 2011 at 12:53 PM said...

LMAO! This was's hoping the manager has a sense of humor, or at the very least didn't need help figuring out who needed to be demoted. *snicker* =) Lurv ya Mrs B. =)

Patty Punker on February 14, 2011 at 1:28 PM said...

the mute button is for pussies. and i'm leaving now after that fantastic laugh because i'm feeling very itchy.

(happy valentines's day, mrs b. hope that box you're in is full of wine. ♥)

life in the mom lane on February 14, 2011 at 2:17 PM said...

ummm what IS congo rash????

Jayne Martin on February 14, 2011 at 2:31 PM said...

Now might be the time to invest in a good pair of knee pads... ;)

Lisa@GrandmasBriefs on February 14, 2011 at 2:51 PM said...

Wow! Yep, you need that machine. You also need lots of chapstick for all the ass-kissing you'll be doing for the next long time. Although, if that Congo Rash is obvious, your boss may not want you near his/her ass or anything else for the next long time! Good luck with the reparations!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged on February 14, 2011 at 3:13 PM said...

Oh, oh my dear. As a person who regularly sticks her foot in her mouth, I feel your pain. Is there an option to throw up?

Linda Medrano on February 14, 2011 at 3:38 PM said...

I had lunch with a friend this last weekend. Alex came along. The lady friend told Alex how hard to communicate with software engineers and developers are. Alex is a computer scientist and software developer and architect. It was pretty funny. Then I went on to tell my friend that my next door neighbor had put plastic grass in her backyard and how tacky I thought that was. Uh, yeah, she just had her front yard done in plastic grass. I suggest you walk funny for a while and tell people it's that Congo Yeast Infection.

Mammatalk on February 14, 2011 at 3:44 PM said...

Be right back. Off to google Congo rash...

THE SNEE on February 14, 2011 at 4:07 PM said...

Heeheehee.You have a couple options.... 1)Push rewind button, and click heels together three times. 2) Fly to outer limits and back for some lightyear action. I'm told it works in a pinch and has the added luxury of messing with your time clock. As for congo rash? Uhhhh?

Kmama on February 14, 2011 at 5:15 PM said...

Holy crap. Talk about "open mouth, insert foot." Damn. That was a major snafu, eh?

Mama-Face on February 14, 2011 at 6:10 PM said...

I've had too many of these sort of slip ups... if I say something bad about someone it always comes back to haunt me. At least you were clever, right?

Unknown on February 14, 2011 at 7:47 PM said...

Ooh, awkward situation at work! I tend to stick my foot in it also, more often than I care to admit.

I like your time machine idea. And being blunt.

ReformingGeek on February 14, 2011 at 7:55 PM said...

Forget the yeast infection. It's Syphilis and it's gone to your brain and you only have a few weeks to live.

I will save you with the time machine. Evil Twin is almost finished with it.

I'm right there with you....but not in the Congo. Anyway, I have that same disease. I've learned to keep salt and pepper handy so at least my foot will taste good.

Captain Dumbass on February 14, 2011 at 9:27 PM said...

If I was your boss, I would have laughed like hell.

Liz Mays on February 15, 2011 at 6:56 AM said...

OMG!!! You need to go into that meeting, bring it up yourself and make light of it! Your boss will probably laugh!

Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) on February 15, 2011 at 11:31 AM said...

Oh glory mouth insert foot. I sure hope your boss can shake it off and doesn't hold a grudge. Here's prayin' like crazy she has a great sense of humor and just laughs the whole thing off!!!

The Congo Rash can't be a good thing! Heeeehehhe!

God bless ya and have a great day!!!

Jen on February 15, 2011 at 12:51 PM said...

So do you still have a job?

Joann Mannix on February 15, 2011 at 4:12 PM said...

I'm cringing for you Mrs. B! Yowza! Hopefully, your boss has a good sense of humor. I know you'll have the ability to charm your way out of this. Right?

Anonymous said...

lmao oh damn! Thats a BIG oopsie!

Unknown on February 16, 2011 at 5:24 AM said...

I have longed for a procedure like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, where you can have selected parts of your memory removed from your brain. They did it in a motel room with Kirsten Dunst jumping on the bed; why can't we do it in a high-tech lab?

Anonymous said...

agh! i hated my douch bag of a former boss so much i can totally identify. but man, holy open mouth - insert foot. lol

Stephanie on February 16, 2011 at 2:21 PM said...

Call in sick. Diarrhea. Of the mouth. :)

Ducky on February 17, 2011 at 11:20 AM said...

You had a ducktard moment...brilliant!

Kristy @Loveandblasphemy on February 18, 2011 at 5:55 PM said...

Is this as bad as screaming that your boss is a FUCKER at xmas party right when he enters the room? Yes, that was me. Yup. It was great.

Annie (Lady M) x on February 20, 2011 at 8:46 AM said...

Aww Mrs Blogalot, I know you got into trouble, but it was worth it for the laughs! Pray do tell how your boss handled it?!

Robin on February 22, 2011 at 5:29 AM said...

Damn..when you get caught , you really get caught...that was a doozey...! Im glad you can laugh and joke about it...that would never happen where i work...Id have to pay forever..!

sheila on February 23, 2011 at 2:11 AM said...

Admit it - somewhere in there it felt REALLY good to "accidentally" make this slip. Maybe you have changed meetings in your office forever. Or you could be fired and suffer for months with your double inverted yeast infection. Now you'll have time to work on that time machine.

Alexandra on February 23, 2011 at 9:43 AM said...


We want you back, I miss you SO MUCH.

Sandra on February 23, 2011 at 1:21 PM said...

Oh God! I'm so sorry for your faux-pas. However, as someone who commits them myself, I can tell you that the invention of said machine probably wouldn't help. You'd still find ways to insert-foot-in-mouth. There are always ways!!!! muwahahahahaha

Trooper Thorn on February 24, 2011 at 11:55 AM said...

They have made the time machine, but it only allows you to watch yourself make the mistake, not stop it. So that's no help.

LucyCooper on February 24, 2011 at 6:46 PM said...

Oh, shit. Ooooohhh, SHIT! Deny, deny, deny?? What rhymes with yeast infection? East direction... yeah, that's good.
Hope it blows over soon. Have you considered pulling the fire alarm as a distraction?

Cake Betch on April 1, 2011 at 10:30 AM said...

OMFG did you really do that????????? HAHAHAHAHA

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