Monday, September 28, 2009

Got Skills? -

Got Skills?

My Grandmother had an old saying. She said ‘Shut the hell up and stop complaining’

She also said ‘Get the hell out of my way, I’m missing my program’

Kidding. Well maybe not. I guess the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Why are we talking about my grandmother?

Oh, right….’Learn to type and you will always have a job’. That is what I remember her saying most of all, mainly because she was absolutely right and partly because she screamed it when she said it.

I don’t think that in a villion years I would have been able to move up (job wise) if I didn’t have this very basic of skills. I also can’t even imagine not being able to type my thoughts as fast as I think them. I haver-zero-patience-factor for the hunt and peck! Hence the 110 wpm. I told you I didn’t have any patience!

This skill has been unbelievably handy and advantageous in gaining employment for me. And not just typing jobs. All of my jobs have required typing at some point. And I have always managed to become the typing go-toperson (a valuable stronghold on those who don’t carry the high wpm badge).

Today, speedy and accurate typing skills are still a very valuable commodity (plus, it aids in emailing your friends from work as quickly and unnoticeably as possible). If you can get by with your own personal look-up-look-down-quick-type great, but I would strongly encourage everyone to take a typing class – either on line or in person to enhance your current skill sets.

Moms- I don’t know if they still teach typing in high school (yeah, it’s been a while) but if not, make them learn! It will only benefit them later in life. Perhaps getting a job won’t ever teeter on the brink of whether you know how to type or not but it can certainly help once the job is gained as well as aiding them in speedier emails to you!

There are still times when I tap a letter on my keyboard and remember the crooked metal sticks of the old fashioned typewriters slamming unto meet the black/red striped ink ribbon making imprint on the paper. How far we’ve come!

But note that we are still old-fashioned typing on all of our new technology!

Old school yeah, but so what?

It works! And mark my…my grandmother’s words….’And so will they if they learn to type’.

And I didn’t even have to scream J

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Ceiling Tile # 56

While taking a break during some necessary sit-ups, I let my eyes wander up and glaze over with the late afternoon sun streaming through my living room.

Ceiling Tile #15 had me dreaming of lottery winnings and easy living. Ah, #15… such an easy Tile.

By the time I pulled out of easy street, I was vacationing on Tile #23 in a beach town very much south of here where foot massages were the island’s specialty. Tile # 31 reminded me that I have another three sets to go.

Shut up #31.

Tile traveling can be very relaxing. Drifting, dreaming, floating, moving lazily from tile to tile…and then bam!

Along came Tile #56.

It hit me like a floor tile! Why didn’t I think of this before? Shouldn’t I get moving on this right away? Is this a dream? Should someone wake me?

Here she goes again #37 muttered.

I had a vision. A vision of my dream job coming to daytime (no it wasn’t massage therapy). I tried to capture the full sight of my vision before the illusion escaped back into the ceiling tile grooves.

If I can do what I truly love on whatever Tile I was on, would that not constitute as a real life dream job? Well then why can’t I? Why should I settle for just a paycheck when my passion comes from the payout of writing?

Writing my in- the-closet true love for as long as I could remember.

Couldn’t I write anywhere? About anything? With NO dress code? Could I finally come out and physically produce more than a secret inner pleasure from each piece that I create? Could I actually cultivate my own desired lifestyle by my own head and hand?

Uh, Tile # 45 reminds me that I still have a mortgage and that little thing called electricity that I have grown so accustomed to.

But #56 was having none of it! She was on a roll! Look at her go slamming #45 down with her lofty optimism. Why can’t I start now? Not quit what aids in the eating process but just start? Somewhere! Anywhere!

What do I have to lose if nothing comes of it? What do I have to gain?

Tile # 76 called me an idiot.

I closed my eyes and did another crunch set.

Satisfied 31?

Not until your ass stops looking like a potato sack in jeans, he countered.

Each exhale on the way up brought me back to the #56 Dream Tile. I just wasn’t ready to let it go that easily.

But I kept getting these annoying and unwanted popcorn signals in my head.

Remember the time she threw her back out trying to imitate a move on So You Think You Can Dance, sneered #37?

She can’t carry the Ralph Kramden/Fred Flintstone spirit forever, # 44 added snidely

How many times can a person re-invent herself anyway? # 12 wanted to know

Hey! She can do anything she wants to! #56 cheered (was that my mother up there?).

I think that #47 and #12 were going to get into it at any moment as they debated heatedly on this latest dream being the direct result of a lack of sex.

And who will want to read her stuff? An unnumbered thought shot out.

Keep breathing. Okay, eight more crunches and let’s add eight butt lifts while I’m already down here (it’s not just about lifting my spirits these days #31 not-so-kindly reminded me once more).

My hopes refused to be doused. Let’s at least do some research on how I can get started before giving up. If nothing else #56 is practical.

If I can’t put in ten hours a day on my forever-in-progress-novel then why not start with a short blog here and there? An article? A guest post?

Can’t get paid for blogging! #12 rudely announced.

Why not? #56 and I wondered.

O.K., so maybe it won’t be the lottery winnings that Tile #15 was hoping for but getting paid something for doing what I love would be worth it. A personal win if not monetary gain!

That’s right! #56 atta-girled me.

Um, Hello!!!!!…. Realistic Police up here…are you kidding me? #37 screamed down.

I was just about to take a shoe and smash it up #37’s square ass when Tile #25 yelled that he was hungry…oh that was my son.

I gave the Be-Right-There call to the wild and remained flat and unmoving for just a few seconds more. I had to pull my thoughts together.

Other than my labored breathing, there was complete silence in the room and surprisingly from the above ceiling gallery.

I braced myself for the continuing negative onslaught.

Nothing came.

Hmmm….. I guess it is all me now.

I squatted, and rose slowly allowing the positive attitude of ceiling Tile #56 to fill me as I let my head be the last to come up. I took a final cool down moment and came up with a powerful and well resolved exhale.

I was ready.

It felt good to get out of my own way for a minute. I can and will do it.

The result of my efforts may never get to the front page for all to monitor and witness but it will definitely make front-page headlines in my world.

Take that #37!

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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Mother Underworld-Fact or Fiction?

"Really, you have no idea what goes on", a mother loftily informed me one afternoon while waiting for our kids to come home on the bus.

"There has always been a silent war between Stay at Homes and Working Mothers in school" she continued to educate.


"And it is uglier than you can imagine" she continued

Umm, I believe I just asked her how she was doing.

"Oh and the other day, during my son's swimming lesson at the YMCA, I was discussing some of my child's challenges with one of the instructors when another woman spat out 'Sheesh, you new mothers think you know everything don't you?"

New Mothers vs. what? Old Mothers? Stay at Homes vs. Working Mothers?

Well .....WTF vs. WTH While you're at it.

"I think that you are watching a little too much C.S.I. girlfriend" I remarked jokingly.

Where the hell was that bus?

"Maybe you need to get out more" I added with a nervous laugh while I concentrated intently on rocking back and forth from heel to toe.

"You see??!!' She croaked "That is exactly what I'm talking about! You wouldn't understand

because you are not in it like I am". Was that spittle on my face?

I noticed that she was starting to get a bit agitated.

Hey, easy mama. "I know what goes on in the PTO. I know what mother's are

saying" she announced.

Yeah, but did you know about all of the side effects for the medication you are

obviously taking?

"They can't just come in and make decisions once in a while or when it is convenient for them. I make it my business to be at every meeting no matter what. If you aren't going to be there on a regular basis, part-time participation should not be allowed!"

I thought she might soon be in desperate need of a paper bag.

Okay, I did not sign up for PTO Alien mothers waiting at the bus stop.

Should I even attempt to get into how I work and still somehow manage to keep in touch with what is going on at the school or should I check her for weapons first?

She was obviously waiting for me to speak. Was it my turn already?

"Uh, yeah, sounds crazy. I never knew". Were those my shiny pearls of wisdom that weakly sputtered out of the side of my mouth? Maybe I'll make a necklace.

Alien mother just rolled her eyes and declared cryptically "Just wait. You'll see when your son gets older"


Was this a twilight zone episode that never was? Should I stop reading so many vampire books? (can't make me)

Are there truly such rivalries out there that need further scrutiny or total annihilation or was this just my lucky day to have such a special encounter with the Queen of the Mother Underworld?

You know what? Maybe I don?t want to know.

Shut up you know I do!!!? Tell me! Tell me! I have to know!

Mother Underworld: Fact or Fiction?

Monday, September 21, 2009

Newbie No More!

I personally don't like the term Newbie. In fact, I hate it.

We are all new at some point; new to a town, new to a club, new to a website, new to an experience. But why would anyone voluntarily thrust this Newbie label upon themselves by way of an apologetic introduction? I don't remember anyone ever introducing themselves to me as a Newbie mother or a Newbie wife. I have heard people introduce themselves as an alcoholic...but that is another story (not mine).

At what point do you shed the Newbie label? Is there a ceremony? Is there a graduation term when you actually feel that you are no longer a Newbie? Is there a Becoming of Do-bie Celebration that I'm not aware of? Should I be shopping for an outfit?

The thing is, you probably are already a Dobie but might be afraid to come out as one. You apologize by Newbieizing yourself so that should you (heaven forbid) not be perfect in any way, you will be comforted by the collective sigh of understanding for all of your unknowing flaws. Ahh...she's a Newbie that's o.k.

Why even label yourself in the first place?

I guess that my hatred for the "N" word might have come from a story I saw once on the news a long time ago. It was about a senior citizen who had always dreamed of becoming a dancer. She said she just wanted to be able to say "I am a Dancer" before she died. Never once did she take a dance lesson or pursue this dream throughout her long life. But then, in her seventies, she went to her local dance studio and signed up for basic ballroom dancing lessons.

The local interest camera man followed her around the studio for a few days and during that time, he captured an exhilarated and lovely woman twirling and dancing enthusiastically to her own pace. When the camera man zoomed in for the final shot, her flushed and happy face broke into a wide grin and stated "My name is Jana and I am a dancer". I almost cried (Well I cry at game shows but still).

She was a dancer! She didn't say she was a Newbie dancer. She didn't even make the statement dripping in apology sauce. Nor did she mention the novice word once. She was a dancer.

Because she was dancing!

Because she was Doing!

From that moment on, I have always felt that if you are! If you talk about what you want to do....well then, I guess that you are just talking about what you want to do. That's not even being a Newbie. That's being a Wanna-be.

Usually, most people join groups because something draws them to it. Could be a dormant passion or possibly an unknown passion that triggers something deep inside of them. You know it's real when you are absolutely burning on fire to get whatever it is started. When you won't or can't stop until you are finally in motion or working towards its completion. Wherever you join, you are there for a reason. And you know it! Or you wouldn't have joined in the first place. Right? Don't hide behind that Newbie title!

Don't be afraid to shoot yourself out of the cannon at full force! Ready. Aim. Fire!

Introduce yourself. Not a label.

Now who wants to start the Happy Do-bie Dance?

This is the coolest ever! Thank you Lauren for this Psycho Carnival Award!!

This is the coolest ever! Thank you Lauren for this Psycho Carnival Award!!
Now visit Lauren and witness all of her originality greatness!

Thank you my Jersey Girl Goddess!! Now go meet her @inannasstar.blogspot-No way you can resist!!!

Thank you my geeky friend!!! Now go check out Confessions of a Reforming Geek..she is way cool!

Thanks to Diane over at Just Humor Me-Rules for this award: Drink & Blog-Do you see why I love her?

Thanks to Diane over at Just Humor Me-Rules for this award: Drink & Blog-Do you see why I love her?
If you have not met Diane, please check her out. You will not be sorry! You trust me right? Go!

Thank you to the Empress at Gooddayregularpeople- Go visit this magnificent blogger!!!

Thank you Linda! How cool is this award from my buddy over @thegoodthebadtheworse? I know right?

Thank you Linda! How cool is this award from my buddy over @thegoodthebadtheworse? I know right?
She's totally awesome!! Go check her out and see!!!

I Won!!! The Golden Phallus #32 Is Mine!!! Many thanks to The Screaming Me-Me!!!!

I Won!!! The Golden Phallus #32 Is Mine!!! Many thanks  to The Screaming Me-Me!!!!
Go check out the Screaming Me-Me for THE most captioning fun on the internet!!!! She's one of the friendliest Blog hosts out there!!!! Have fun & Caption away!!!!

Huge thanks to Nancy at for this award-Love this !!!

Thanks Heather @ twolittlemonkeysplushubby & Richele @underthegoldenappletree

Thanks so much to Margaret over at & Katsconfessions.blogspot.

Thanks so much to Margaret over at & Katsconfessions.blogspot.
Thanks to Tami & Richeleoxo@underthegoldenappletree.blogspot! Also to Hil'Lesha @ Vicki @ & Amanda at bloggertowne.blogspot You guys rock!!!

DOUBLE THANKS to Noelle @elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes & Daffy@ batcrapcrazy-U GUYS RULE

DOUBLE THANKS to Noelle @elasticwaistbandsandcomfortableshoes & Daffy@ batcrapcrazy-U GUYS RULE
Another Awesome heartfelt thanks to the awesome Lauren @Thinkspin & multi-creative Robin them ...follow them...go!!!

The Rosie Award Comes Home!!!

The Rosie Award Comes Home!!!
Thanks to my bloggy buddy for bestowing this award back to me and letting me keep a Rosie at home forever!!!!

Sunshine Makes My Day!! Many Thanks to Joy@ thepracticalmomguide & Ziva @Zivasinferno for the shine


Thank you Anat over at for this spectacular award!!!

HUGE thanks to Gabrielle @ and Lisa!!

Thanks Lee!!!

Thanks Jenie for The Lady Ms Blogger Award! Visit her giving greatness

Double Thanks to Robyn for both of these awards-visit her @

Double Thanks to Robyn for both of these awards-visit her @
Tamara-Thank you for this!!! xoxoxoxoox visit her at @ xoxoxo

Thanks so much to Blia @

Grab An Award-see below

Finally, you do not need to be a recipient of an award to give an award!

Grab An Award – My way of awarding it forward. The only rules are: THERE ARE NO RULES (Only rule is no rules? Rule for rules? Is that a rule? I’m so confused)

And what is nicer than giving an award with no strings attached just because?

So in the spirit of fun blog awarding and ‘cause I think they’re a great way to connect and share the blog love with our awesome fellow bloggers (without the chain letter affect-they give me the willies), I have created The Divine Blogger and Rock Star Blogger Awards to grab-I know, fancy right? -(o.k. so I won't quit my day job)

Grab it and let the lucky recipient (s) know that you have given them a rule-free award and not to be afraid to pick it up on your site. Once they grab it from your site, they are free to pass it along to others (rule-free of course). And anyone can grab it from their sites to pass on as well.

Hope you all enjoy awarding it forward!

Now hurry! Go make room in your closet for all that good karma. And please get rid of those old sweatpants while you're at it! (-:

The No Rules Rock Star Blogger Award

The No Rules Divine Blogger Award

Award Love Received

Thanks so much to Lisa at (the Grandma sites got it going on yo) and Robyn at Simply Delightful and Tamara at homespunheartscandlesand Jane @agingmommyblog for this award. You guys are awesome!

Okay, here are my 10 honest things about myself:

1. I am an extremely well balanced individual

2. I am easily distracted

3. I don’t take rules seriously

4. I lied about number one (number 3 made me do it)

5. I have a short attention span

6. I often don’t finish what I sta..

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