I never make resolutions.
Why?
Because it only sets me up for a big steaming plate of high pressure drizzled in all flavors of failure sauce.
And I have resolved to never let that happen.
Nope, no new self-administered lofty annual expectations for me!
So instead of conjuring up some new plans of what I should do and eventually won’t, this year I made a list of the things that I will be waiting for others NOT to do.
The Think it’s Funny but it’snot List
1. I will wait for the person behind me on line to not have breath that smells like ass
2. I will wait for a time when someone finally does not say “yeah, there’s something going around” when they hear you are sick
3. I will wait for a person not to say “wow, you missed a great party” when they know you were home sick…because something is going around.
4. I will wait for Revlon not to write me an ugly I-told-you-so-letter about the nasty ramifications of coloring all of my grey hairs
5. I will wait for a co-worker not to say “oh you cut your hair….” and then say… nothing
6. I will anxiously await the time when we are not saying the word economy as much as the word the
7. I will wait for all the screeching mall children to not make me want to gnaw out the future possibilities of my own uterus.
8. I will wait for someone to not try to explain to me once again that is getting paid for blogging not getting laid for blogging....ballbag buzz killers!
9. I will wait for my pants to please not notice the five pounds that I’ve gained and squeeze me in for an appointment.
10. I will wait for the one cure-all pill that may not cause dizziness, random tree humping, loss of left testicle, vaginal discharge, brain farting, lap vomit, pudge gain, divorce-causing mood swings, unexplained bowel leaks, erectile dysfunction (unless in my favor), green excrement, abnormal skin shedding, vodka immunity, acid pee, congealing ear wax, fear of wet spots or sudden death
....Yup, I will wait patiently for all of these things.
But I will not wait to wish you all a Happy New Year!!!
Posts
37 comments:
#2 is my personal favorite.
Waiting is the worst torture when we are eager to go somewhere. I am eager to go out into the world this new year!. Later...
Happy New Year! I have only ever met one person who had breath that actually did smell like ass. Your list of side effects cracked me up!
Happy New year!!!
Seriously, what is with #2? Its a waste of words. We live in a massive population, there is always SOMEthing going around...it may be in Timbuktu, but its going around! It has no direct correlation to the person who is sick, and doesn't help. lol
Great post! Happy New year!
Brilliant!
Happy New Year.
And a fine list it is! I think you and I are NOT waiting for the same pill. Happy New Year... and I'm NOT waiting for it to be happy, I'm going to damn well MAKE it so!
OMG... that was hilarious!!
Great list. I'm with you on all of them ;)
Happy New Year to you, Darlin...
Hope you have a great day
Happy New Year! I love #7!
Yes, why is it that every pill offered has such horrid side effects? I hope you have a great start to the new year!
That was a pretty good list. What kind of trees though?
Happy New Year.
This may be the best list I have read all day. AND there were a SHITLOAD of lists today!
LOL! I'm a HUGE fan of #8!!! Just stopping by to say hi - from your newest follower!
~WM
HA!!! I love #7!
Happy New Year...from another new fan!
So you gnawed out your uterus too? Awesome. Happy New Year.
And just for the record, that photo of the sexy vampire in the upper right hand corner is making me totally hot...
i love this list...it so fits my mood today!
oh yeah...and lap vomit...what the hell is that?! or do i really even want to know...?
" gnaw out the future possibilities of my own uterus." Oh my god. I'm going to have to quote you on that. And I was just thinking how cool it is now that they put a pen in the middle of the mall for the wild kids to run rampant. The day after Christmas it was SRO in there and I turned to my 19-year-old son and said, "When you were little malls didn't have these. We had to drag you kids around with us to try on bras."
I loved reading your list of resolutions, #5 made me chuckle out loud, because I actually said that to a co-worker the other day..I seriously couldn't think of anything nice to say about it after I blurted out that I noticed something had changed about her...it was hideous!
LMAO--I am guilty of often saying "yeah, i heard that's going around." will have to stop it pronto!!
I got to number eight and laughed so hard I spew coffee from my nose!!!!
Oh my goodness. Where do you come up with this stuff and can you let me in on the secret? : )
P.S. I am sick. There must be something going around.
Thanks for stopping by and following Just Because My Pickle Talks..." We are following back.
You are too, too funny! I love #6 ... although it's the big E word that's making my life a little difficult right now!
Happy New Year!!
2 is my favorite too... hahahaha so true
seriously, if i hear any more about the freaking economy i'm going to scream!
#2 is SO true! LOL, love your list!
Oh this is )%$#(*^!(^! fantastic.
Thank you for stopping by and joining the fun. I'll reciprocate (God I love using big ass words) now.
Happy New Year to you too, m'lady! Pray thee do tell, what kind of illness is "vodka immunity"? It is of great concern to me and I need to be aware of it. xxoo
Yet another creative post after New Years! My husband's list of side effects is funny too. My favorite thing he says is, "if you wish to become pregnant or sleep anywhere near someone who wishes to become pregnant...don't take this medication."
HAHAHAHA oh god I love #6. Not happening for me any time soon, consider my job at an international financial place, but still. It would be so NICE.
Happy New Year! Great list. I wonder if we're standing behind the same person at the store. This mainly occurs at Walmart.
Isn't that the worst when someone behind you has snarky breath...makes you gag.
Love your list! Whenever I get meds I always read the side effects and then somehow would rather deal with whatever I am fighting off WITHOUT the use of the meds! Ick!
Mmmm. Failure sauce.
I love it.. and so hate the breath that smells like asss ROFL>... you know that has been going around.. LOL.....
I try to hold my breath inline and not breath it in because I have a high gag tolerance.. I can't hold my breath long enough to save my life or maybe kill myself from not breathing anyways.. yup sucks balls.
I am very sorry for #8. LOL. I don't know what happened to my comment. So I am here, wishing you a Happy New Year on Jan. 8. It still counts! It is still January!
Post a Comment