Dr. Golb shakes his head in a haven't-we-been-through-this-already? manner and exhales flatly "Now, you know perfectly well that there is no cure for Blog withdrawal..."
"But I need..."
Golb interupts and holds up both hands in defiance and starts to explain "You'll just have to try.."
Shut up man!
Time is running out!
"You don't understand..." I plead in my best desperate give-me-a-hit blog junkie voice "I'm starting this new job and I don't have any time to blog. Give me something!" I screeched the last part grabbing his collar.
Ah, so this is what blog fear looks like.
Interesting.
I immediately give the illusion of coming to my senses and patted down the wrinkles I'd caused. Giving him the flirty eye and using my best Dynasty voice I say "Now come on Doc, I just need a little something. You know, just to, um...just hold me over."
He ignores me.
Screw Dynasty.
"My blog people are addictive!" I scream
Still nothing.
I see the get-off-the-blog-pipe-already-won't ya look down the nose of his bi-focals.
"Have you been taking your regular medication?" He asks.
"Oh, the one for in-law circus drama? Yeah, nothing helps. Can I have something stronger for that too?"
The doctor frowned at me.
I don't like frowns.
This doctor is an asscake.
"Why don't you just try blogging in small intervals, you know in moderation. You do remember what moderation is don't you?"
What did I tell you?
ASSCAKE.
The fact that this conversation is happening all in my head is no excuse.
I know, you'd think I could come up with a better doctor in my head right?
Maybe my imagination needs something stronger also.
Oh well, because there is no blog doctor (that I know of) to help me through this transition, I must rely strictly on vodka....and blog moderation.
Dammit.
Unless there is a blog doctor in the house.
Are you guys holding out on me with those drugs?
Come on! I'll even take generic!
Posts
59 comments:
Asscake is AWESOME. I am sooo stealing it.
The word. Not your asscake.
Blogging IS SO ADDICTIVE. sigh
Tell us about the new gig.
What transition? What's going on here?
Can I also have a badge with "Awesome Asscake" on it to go with my "Will Poop For Chocolate" badge?!?
Sorry, you're screwed.
Um....go to the local Starbucks. Ask for a quadshot with whatever flavoring you like. Take this three times daily. You will not sleep, but your withdrawals will be sated because you will be up all night blogging. We will deal with the caffeine headaches and insomnia later.
You're welcome.
Uh-oh! I smell change...did you change?! Jobs?!
Also, yeah, I can't help with this blog addiction...I'm in way deeper than ever. LOL
Sorry I can't help. I've pie in the oven.
Asscake sounds awesome.
Like...asscake made with Jessica Alba.
Asscake from Oprah? Notsomuch.
"The doctor is an asscake." You kill me, Mel!
Priorities, man! Sheesh ... isn't a blog more important that a fancy-schmancy new job?!
Let us know how that moderation thing works for ya! (And let us know how the new job goes, too!)
Blog addiction is real and it makes all of us prettier and smarter. It really does. You NEED us. We NEED you. Come on, man. Read my blog and you'll feel great.....
I'm fighting the same addiction. I think it's worse than heroin addiction but cheaper and doesn't require sticking needles into veins.
I'm all shaky and sweaty if I don't have my blog fix. I cant' take it. I tell you. I need that blog high, or otherwise I can't concentrate and drive off the road. Oh, that's if I forget to take my ADD meds.
Btw, I think we use the same blog shrink, although the sessions take place in my head. But you might not be real anyway.
the other day i was thinking i should look for a new job, and then i was like WHAT OTHER JOB WOULD LET ME BLOG FOR 6 HOURS A DAY? those are hard to find. bah!
I’ve enjoyed looking over your blog. I came across it through another blog I follow, and I’m glad I did. I am now a follower of yours as well. Feel free to look over my blog and perhaps become a follower as well.
The problem is methadone is addictive, too, and I'm not sure it works for blog withdrawal. Sorry you're suffering through this.
You just have it a little backwards. You really need to just find a doctor who will be able to assist you with your job withdrawals. ;)
I don't have time to blog much anymore because I have these things...
KIDS
And I have...
A JOB
Sucks.
I think Dr. Asscake has become my blogging affliction: AssShake. Yes. I am flabby. Could be from the job I do all day, too - accounting. Where you just sit all damn day. AssShake. I need drugs for that, too, please.
rotfl! I think what you're taking is strong enough. Once you take that first initial hit.....you're always looking for whats stronger lol
Just came by to say "THANKS" for visiting my on my SITS day! Hope you have a wonderful week.
I am so excited about the new job! We might even get legal weed in Cali and if so I'm giving you some when you visit. (That's how we get you hooked on something else!)
There is no hope, you know that, don't you?
Good. Acknowledgement and acceptance are the first steps to blogging instead of sleeping.
Asscake??? That is awesome. It's going to be my new word for sure!!! There is no cure...
Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner
www.mawhats4dinner.com
Hilarious. In your head, you say? Hmmn, there has to be a med for that! :P
I'm going to blog about 'asscake' now...damn this blog thing!
LMAO!!!
I can't stop blogging! So addictive!!!
asscake.
I think I like it even more than asshat, if possible....
I'm totally addicted, too.
have you considered quitting the job?? ;-)
See, I promised myself when I woke up this morning that I'd blog for an hour. Yes, I do believe that was over 2 hours ago. If you find that drug, share please.
And, THANK YOU for another derivation of a fun cuss word. I use assbag, but I am loving asscake. I hope you don't mind, If I borrow.
It is a struggle for me to find enough time to blog. I usually blog for about three hours a day. Like most people I have a life outside of blogging, kids, a husband and a new online store that takes up a lot of my time.
Take three tweets and call me in the morning! I HATE that I often don't have time to read blogs. I can usually pound out something or other fairly quickly if I "have the muse," but I would rather have a little extra time to read!
Ha! I think you meant Doc Glob instead of Golb....:-)
I am thinking of consulting 3 days a week and the have the same horrified feeling....guess I won;t bother talking to the Doc in my head...Bastardo...
Swati
Even if I spend all day blogging, it never feels like enough. I have no idea what "moderation" means.
I say get an iPad so you can blog on the go. I mean, you can't go cold turkey.
It is addictive but even something things that are wonderful can be too much. Lately I haven't been able to put my heart into it. Not because I don't want to but because I just don't have time right now. See, I can't even leave a decent comment.
Blogging is to addictive. If I allowed myself, I would spend much longer online.
Three years and going strong... it just doesn't get any easier!
Moderation is for slackers!
You're looking for strong stuff? I just got some crazy stuff for my sinus infection. Also? Talcum Powder is fun to say. Look! I have walls!
Hey Darlin....
HOLY CRAP, You have NO idea how much I have missed your posts!!! Seriously - you crack me up like no other.
ASSCAKE. I'm so stealing that as well.
I have no drug for blog withdrawl. And after just coming through that myself, I can honestly say that is just a long road of longing and shaking!! (i kid, I kid)
Thanks for the visit today and the comment love!
Feels so good to be back.
Missed you terribly
Mich
If you find such a doctor, can I have his number? Ive got the blogging bug baaaadddd.
I say quit. We need you.
"The fact that the conversation is happening in your head?" Too, too funny!
How about a little chocoalte? That always seems to make things better for me.
Maybe you can get disability for your addiction. Then you won't have to work and you can blog all day long.
Hum.....so they make meds for in-law drama?
Cool.
I'll get back to you.
Must call Doc.
Um.. Yeah.
Asscake? Mine, allll mine.
Blog withdrawl, excellent. Asscake, awesome. Subtle Dynasty reference... priceless.
Yeah, just stay on the vodka sister. It helps with the inlaw circus too. Oh and I totally love asscake. Could refer to some inlaws too. Ooops! Did I just say that?
Every time you start jonesing for a blog hit, call your in-laws then your brain (the part that isn't related to the ass-crack DR) will start to relate blogging to your in-laws and wa-la, you'll never want to blog again. If this doesn't work drink you vodka but follow it with a Guinness, that'll make everything all better.
I have been unable to keep up with blogs lately and I now feel like I've been away at summer camp and am trying to readjust and reacquaint myself with everyone again. I don't think I need a doctor; I think I need occupational therapy.
Well aren't you fun. Thanks for finding me so I could come and find you.
But it sounds like you aren't gonna have a whole lotta time anymore?
We are all just a load of blog junkies trying to get a piece of asscake.
I have been suffering from majoy bloggy guilt. Did you get any meds for that?
how are you supposed to be a blog whore in moderation? as if.
I'm with Stir Fry. Get yourself on mental blog disability and you are smooth sailing from there. But seriously, I hope all is going well with your new job. And don't worry, transitions are always hard. Eventually things will smooth out and you'll be able to blog more. We miss you, of course!! Cuz there's nobody like Mrs. Blogalot. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
i don't know what i'm going to do when i go back to work! is it bye bye blogging?
I have never heard the term "asscake" but I love it! Blogging is addictive. Sneak in some blogging time!
I'm trying to start a help line for bloggers.
I Can't Blog
take a look maybe you could offer some advice.
Dammit! Once again I have to say I am NOT that kind of doctor!
You don't need a doctor m'lady. You are perfect the way you are. xxoo
Post a Comment