Thursday, December 3, 2009

Crazy Cuts

Today I’ve been sitting around just thinking about all the bowls of soup that have been poured since the beginning of time which of course led me to me to the subject of cutting my hair...

Yup. Gonna do it. Can’t stop me.

Now that I have actually made the decision and the appointment…

My long hair is dead to me

I don’t talk to it anymore. I don’t curse at it anymore. I have ceased trying to reason with it. And I smugly ignore its’ hairy haggling complaints about how my daily ponytail is causing breakage and ruin beyond repair.

Dead to me I say!

What choice did it leave me? Where was the cooperation when I needed it?

Hair death is never easy for anyone. Nair never did take it seriously enough.

Heartless shaver hater bastards.

Well, hair’s to closure:

Dear Dead to Me,

Thanks for …..well… for being long.

I will always remember all the rough grabbing hair sex good times we’ve shared. It is unfortunate that we have not been able to come to an amicable agreement and that we must cut our tresses and side part ways.

I am setting my hairdresser free of the uncomfortable role of Miracle Worker that has been thrust upon her by my begging and crying request. She can no longer be weighed down by your needy long strand demands.

Shearly, you understand that treatment at this point is out of the question. We’ve come to far down the Miss Clairol path to fool ourselves any longer.

So in keeping with my newfound dignity and determination… I’ve decided to get a boob job.

They will be far easier to maintain in the years to come and will give my porn loving husband me great pleasure. After all, who will give a crap about my hair when I have a great set of cans?

It is my great hope that you will not ask my nipples to sprout hair in retaliation.

You are bigger than that. Or at least you used to be back in the eighties.

Yours fooly,

Somebody Stop Me

a.k.a. voice #77


The mad woman behind the blog on December 3, 2009 at 1:08 PM said...

Gotta love a great set of cans...except for whatever pair Pamela Anderson is sporting.

And don't worry, I've heard the silicon blocks the voices in your nipple's ears.

Now to do something with the other 76.

Jayne Martin on December 3, 2009 at 4:37 PM said...

Hey, we all need to shake things up once in a while. As long as you're not going for the "Britney buzz cut" I say go for it. It's just hair. It always grows back. And if you really hate it, that's why God created hats. As for the boob job, don't forget to write "tit donor" on the back of your driver's license because you will no longer be biodegradable and some needy flat-chested person will be forever grateful after you're gone.

Mammatalk on December 3, 2009 at 4:39 PM said...

Love it! You are a crack up!

Unknown on December 3, 2009 at 4:42 PM said...

you should take a before and after picture. of the hair, not the boobs. i'm not so much interested in seeing your boobs. oh...but you could take a picture of them for your porn loving husband...he might enjoy that.

my b-day is saturday and i, too, have decided to break away from the old and go with something new. buh bye ponytail. (i wish i was saying buh bye tired boobies, but, alas, not this year.)

Liz Mays on December 3, 2009 at 4:44 PM said...

LOL, voice #77. Do you really think you're not going to complain about your hair no matter what length it is? I know I do!

life in the mom lane on December 3, 2009 at 5:29 PM said...

Too funny... but you do realize once you get your boobs done, it won't matter what your hair looks like to the males :)

Tina on December 3, 2009 at 6:32 PM said...

i have short hair and would give anything for long hair (ain't that always the way?)

I really really want a boob job too, mine are hangin mighty low these days!!

are ya gonna post pics?

Michelle on December 3, 2009 at 6:37 PM said...

How funny! You can still have rough hair grabbing sex with short hair... it just feels like you're about to get your neck broke. ;)

Kathleen @ Measuring My Life on December 3, 2009 at 7:24 PM said...

Lols - the comments to this are just as funny as your post!

Long hair is overrated - get rid of it!

Richele McFarlin on December 3, 2009 at 7:31 PM said...

My hair is dead to me also. It's been a hard long grieving process but I think finally I can let go. I'm so sick of pony tails! Here's a hair revolution coming! Whose with me?!

adrienzgirl on December 3, 2009 at 8:14 PM said...

Stop. Your. Madness. You will be so pissed at yourself! Don't do it!

The girl with the flour in her hair on December 3, 2009 at 9:29 PM said...

Oh god, I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit. Shearly, this is genius. Side part ways... *snicker*

I also have looonngg hair and since I've had kids, I always wear it up. Unless I go on a date with the husband, which, well, means I always wear it up. Why is it long? Why don't I cut it? I don't know. I just don't know.

Since I'm still nursing, my cans are quite lovely. In a few more months they'll be less so, but that's ok, because no one sees them anyway.
Good luck.

rinelle on December 3, 2009 at 9:39 PM said...

Happy Friday! God Bless!

People Who Know Me Would Say: on December 4, 2009 at 4:22 AM said...

Take it from one who went from waist length hair to hair above my shoulders and then a's LIBERATING and it frees up a heck of a lot of time too!

Tamara on December 4, 2009 at 8:42 AM said...

OMG girl! Hair on your nipples!?! hahahaha I did the goodbye to the long hair thing awhile ago, now I regret's shoulder length again and my daily pony tail looks like a stub now. lol

Good Luck!!

HeartsMakeFamilies on December 4, 2009 at 11:33 AM said...

I so know what you mean. When its time to get rid of the hair..its simply time.

Lindsey on December 4, 2009 at 1:18 PM said...

I got over a foot cut off my hair and I miss it dearly...sniff sniff. But if I had a fabulous set of knockers I could seriously care less. Maybe that will be in my near future!
Good luck on the haircut :)

Unknown on December 4, 2009 at 6:07 PM said...

I can't stop laughing!!! My gawd girl, you crack me up!!!
I hear ya on the hair thing. I like to wait until it's "dead to me" too, then chop it off for fun. Good for you!!!

A nice set of cans is always good.

You go girl!!!

Kean on December 4, 2009 at 9:41 PM said...

Ihave already added your badge in my site please do add mine thanks. have a happy weekend!

kim on December 5, 2009 at 12:44 AM said...

a nice set of cans...lmao...

long hair is overrated in my book, short hair is awesome because you can just wash it and go with a great cut and it looks young and sexy----and who doesn't like young and sexy?

The Absence of Alternatives on December 5, 2009 at 7:03 AM said...

Dear Voice #77, don't call me Shirley! Lovingly yours, Hot Sex Prop aka Your Hair.

p.s. Although I am sad, I can totally see that Magnificent Boobs trump Long hair.

BugginWord on December 5, 2009 at 7:07 AM said...

Once you go short, you'll never go back...and it is good. I can't offer any advice on the boobs. Just try and avoid the tether ball look, k?

I'm a Mom!..? on December 5, 2009 at 4:37 PM said...

Funny! I have this battle with my hair everyday lately... I'm pretty sure it will end in the same result...

BTW -- Yummy picture of the hot vampire..

Nicole @ Chic and Cheap Nursery on December 5, 2009 at 10:24 PM said...

STOP! As a long haired person I have to stop you from this insanity!

I too would like to get a hair cut because I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore! I am starting to consider the invention of the ponytail as the kiss of death to my good looks.

So in 2004, I cut my hair. BIG MISTAKE! I was not prepared to miss it. I cried until it grew back which was roughly about 16 months.

My suggestion would be to start cutting it off little by little.

As for the boob job... I say GO FOR IT. And try to get me a discount with your surgeon, will ya!?

Tracie on December 7, 2009 at 3:35 AM said...

I was so happy when I cut my hair off. Then I started letting it grow again.

Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) on December 7, 2009 at 7:07 AM said...

Thanks for poppin' in with your sweet comment. I'm back from Texas totally exhausted but hit the ground runnin' cause I haven't even started Christmas and that's a big thing around the Ponderosa. Especially with eight grandchildren expecting Grandma Muzzie to provide the perfect presents. {SIGH}

You have a beautifully blessed day. Gotta run.......

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on December 7, 2009 at 7:56 AM said...

Laughed so hard I peed a little. Then I thought hard about getting a boob job too. But I decided I can't afford it. Too bad. I do have plenty of nipple hair though. Euuuuwww!

Unknown on December 7, 2009 at 9:32 AM said...

That is too funny! I love your take on things.

I found you from MBC and am now following you.
Check me out if you have a chance

Moooooog35 on December 7, 2009 at 12:52 PM said...

You had me at 'boob job.'

Sadly, this was near the end of the post.

If you could put that closer to the top for next time, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Thanks in advance.

boobies boobies boobies

Anonymous said...

Don't do it!!
I had long hair. In September I went and chopped it all off. Biggest. Regret. Of. My. Life. (Seriously I'm fighting the tears just thinking about it.) God, I miss it.

Unknown on December 7, 2009 at 9:44 PM said...

I love chopping my hair off! Seriously, I grow it, cut it, grow it, cut it. It's all good! And I'm still trying to talk hubby into forking over the dough for boobs... he had some skin cancer removed, maybe he's afraid he'll die and someone else will enjoy them? lol!

The Peach Tart on December 8, 2009 at 5:56 AM said...

I've had short hair for years and now I'm growing it a little. Boob job done years ago.

NathanRising on December 8, 2009 at 1:04 PM said...

I usually have long hair. Then I go through phases where I just want to rip it all out and toss it all over the place because my long hair is SOOOOO annoying. I can't stand it on my neck so it's always in a ponytail. My infant son always yanks out those loose, wispy strands. So I relent to the little devil on my shoulder that whispers in my ear about how much better short hair is so I get it whacked off. Then, invariably, I miss it and grow it back out. And the cycle continues....

Thanks for your comment, btw!!

Name: Holly Bowne on December 8, 2009 at 6:23 PM said...

Ooooh, good luck to ya'! So, uh...I missed how the bowl of soup led to hair cuts. Ha, ha!

Janine - My Kids Are Fun on December 15, 2009 at 4:38 AM said...

LOL, This post gave me a chuckle this morning! Thanks!

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