Thursday, November 12, 2009

Holy Kidnapping!

THANKSGIVING: Now listen up you Santa ball licker. If you want to make it to see the New Year you better pay close attention.


THANKSGIVING: First rule- get the sleigh bells out of your mouth mincemeat. Nobody can understand a word you’re saying through those lying rotten gingerbread teeth. Either you’re about the holiday or you’re about the cash. Now which one is it?

CHRISTMAS: Uh…well….both?

THANKSGIVING: Not good enough snowscrape! I’ve been trashed by the whole "ooooohhh don’t trample over and kill me at Walmart" Black Friday crap for way too long. I’m not taking the rap for this one. Now I want some answers!

CHRISTMAS: if you…have you thought about coming out on a… uhhh…a Monda

THANKSGIVING: Shut the hell up Elfballs I didn’t say you could speak!

Menorah-Man over here is just waiting for a chance to kick your fat red ass. Don’t make me get him all lit up!

CHRISTMAS: But I thought you aske…


Enough talking chinrolls!…I am tired of being overlooked by your holier-than-thou–Jingle Jolly crap. You and your rancid HO’s better start shaping up or we’re gonna….

CHRISTMAS: Now wait just a merry second. Are you calling Mrs. C. a HO...?

THANKSGIVING: Shut your sugarplum pie hole you overdone fairy and go find yourself another way to suck the blood out of these lamb chops. Leave the real eats to the big dogs! And while you’re at it, get your tardload off my Friday coattails and start doing what you are supposed to do. Wait your damned turn you anxious bitch!

It’s not my fault your biggest day comes after Christmas. That’s what you get for starting in July! Shove all your damned returns! I’m tired of getting stuffed with all the bad press. Now go tell your leader to meet my demands and nobody’ll get hurt.

CHRISTMAS: Sssss sssuuuuree thhh thhhiiing Mr. T – whatever you want…

THANKSGIVING: That's better! About time a turkey gets a little respect around here.

Now you tell him I want…No you DEMAND that I….Make sure he better.....

Tell him I want the new SpongeBob Snuggie. I’m tired of freezing my ass off in that damn fagot parade.

Oh and tell him to lay off the Jenny Craig. He’s starting to lose his appeal.


Felicia on November 14, 2009 at 7:55 PM said...

omg i love it!!!!!! i hate how Thanksgiving is just getting overlooked this year. Thanks for the laugh

Tracy DeLuca on November 14, 2009 at 8:48 PM said...

hahahahahahahahahahahaha..... ha

I read this to my DD, she is always bitching about Xmas stuff overshadowing the other holidays. SHe giggled and then snorted... great one!

A Daft Scots Lass on November 15, 2009 at 12:08 AM said...

I love it.

Nicole @ Chic and Cheap Nursery on November 15, 2009 at 7:41 AM said...

what is this thanksgiving you speak of? is it a new holiday? because i thought that christmas came right after holloween!

Mammatalk on November 15, 2009 at 2:57 PM said...

About time Thanksgiving stood up for himself!

Claudya Martinez on November 15, 2009 at 9:19 PM said...

I'm all for Thanksgivin', but that Turkey needs to get its mouth washed out with some mistletoe.

JENIE=) on November 16, 2009 at 3:51 AM said...

visiting you again, wishing you a nice week ahead ;)

MrsBlogAlot on November 16, 2009 at 4:14 AM said...


Angry Turkey was caught and is now being served...I mean serving a life sentence.

Christmas is free once again to continue to overshadow all holidays.

Menorah Man is actively seeking counseling.

HeartsMakeFamilies on November 16, 2009 at 5:13 AM said...

LOL I absolutely love this. I hate that Christmas stuff was out before Halloween. Just simply hate it.

marymac on November 16, 2009 at 4:19 PM said...

I love you.
That is all.
Carry on being awesome.

The mad woman behind the blog on November 17, 2009 at 1:26 PM said...

Oh thank you. You've just inspired another post. I needed this!

The Single Mothers Chronicles on November 20, 2009 at 1:29 PM said...

Ha! I totally sympathize with's all about timing isn't it?

Serendipity on November 21, 2009 at 2:26 PM said...

We don't have Thanksgiving in the UK - but the Christmas decorations are up in all the shops and it won't be long before the music the time Christmas is actually here we'll all have had enough! (Of fake over-commercial festive cheer - not of true Christmas spirit!)

MsTypo on November 22, 2009 at 3:43 AM said...

Stopping by from BPOTW! :D

OMG that was too funny!!!! ROTFL "Not good enough snowscrape!" Brilliant, brilliant post!

betty-NZ on November 22, 2009 at 1:47 PM said...

LOL. Really.

MrsBlogAlot on November 24, 2009 at 4:09 AM said...

And my inner angry turkey I got tagged for" language" on BPOTW....Bonus!!!!!!

I even tried my best not to drop one turkey F-bomb!

Whoohoo I feel like such a rebel (-:

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