"Do you go to Church?"
Nope, Jewish
"Wear a cross?"
Nope, Jewish
"Swallow?"
er....Jewish
When my husband looks at me like I've sprouted even more nose hairs because I can still crack up at Adam Sandler's Chanukah song I tell him "You just don't get it. I guess you have to be Jewish"
"For that your Jewish?!" He screeches
"Wow Honey, that was pretty good. You almost sounded like one of us. Next time a little more up-pitched on the "ish" part and..."
"You know what you are?" Man can he flare a nostril "You're Screwish!"
Screwish?
Do they get jewelry?
You'd think with all the burning exhales being emitted out of my husband's face our heating bills would be much lower.
"Why is it that I am always Catholic but you are only sometimes Jewish?"
Hmmm....he's got me there...or does he?
"O.K. fine. No problem. You want me to be Jewish all the time?"
mental silence
"Uh, no, not really" he mumbles as he leaves the room.
Score another one for the Screw!
So do you think Hallmark makes cards for Screwvous?
Mrs. Blogalotwitz
Posts
44 comments:
"You'd think with all the burning exhales being emitted out of my husband's face our heating bills would be much lower." LOL!!!
I would love to be a fly on your wall! It would give me great blog material!
You know, I'm an honorary Jew. Everyone in my office is Jewish but me, so by association, I'm Jewish. <- not very funny in writing but when we meet I'll tell you again and you'll laugh your pants off.... or slap me. We'll see.
http://www.thewannabewahm.com
LMAO!! The swallowing is so funny. My kids are in a jewish day school, my ex is orthodox, I have to be jewish all day every day...DAMMIT!
As a kid, I felt sorry for the Jewish kids 'cause they didn't get Christmas. Then I found out they got presents every damn day for 12 freakin' days.
Better jewelry, no swallowing, 12 days of presents. I feel so screwed.
I love the title of this post.
Too funny! I was raised Catholic..turned Baptist..now..not so sure what I am. Right now...I'm just tired, time to get the kids to bed :)
Love reading your blog!
I just brought my husband begrudgingly into my office to read your post, "The Blogging Kingdom" but kicked him out when I saw you had this post up.
I have just been writing my frustrations that happen over the holidays being in a mixed marriage but your post is so much more funny. It sounds like we have very similar husbands. I'll have to read more to find out.
see?! someone that understands me!! i keep telling my kids we aren't going to have christmas this year because i'm converting. and i get eye rolling and sighs in response. i sooooo feel ya!
You are too funny! Do they still get jewelry. That would totally have been a question I would have thrown out!
Mrs. Blogalotwitz, that was funny. Can I be Jewish sometimes? I mean, can I be Jewish by assoication?? No, I have no Jewish friends. No, I have no idea what a dreidal...????...is or how to spell it. I don't even know what kosher means. Okay...I'll stick with Baptist.
Cartoon hearts for you Mrs. Blogalotwitz.
This post really made me laugh! LOVE IT!
Happy Holidays Mrs. Screwish!!
Have a nice weekend! God Bless!
Oh wow! Too funny!! Screwish? I about choked on my chocolate chip cookie! Which should be a sin because OMG those little chocolate chips are a gooey bite of heaven. Oh, and I also have a husband who thinks he is funny... :-P
-Jen
Nothing like a little secular humor to spice up a marriage.
Yeah, mixed marriages are tough......Jews and Vampires
That was hilarious! Soooo funny! And I still crack up at Adam Sandler, too. He was on Sesame Street yesterday singing a song about Elmo and I though it was funny. Maybe I should get out more.
Hahahahaha! I think we all need to be Jewish sometimes. I always enjoy reading your posts. Just haven't had the chance to visit. Thanks again for another great one!
It's about always being at least half a step ahead....and you do it so well!
bahahah! you are killing me!
er, my boss is jewish and i am NOT religious at ALL (daughter of a preacher -- i've had it with all the religion). every year around christmas and easter my boss asks me to EXPLAIN christmas and easter to him, and i do the same with him about jewish holidays. this has been going on for six years. retarded. anywhoo, he always thinks easter is a big deal and that i need to get my ass to church on good friday. the predominantly evil part of me just wants the day off, so every year we go through this song and dance, and i usually end up "pretending" to go church just to get out of work.
holy shit, i am a babbling fool today....
AND i used to work with a chick that said she was catholic, but that her father-in-law was jewish, so she could get out of work on ALL religious holidays. quite the scam.
Maybe I'll become Jewish. It sounds like a blanket excuse.
Happy (sometimes) Hanukah to you!!! Loved this post!
LOVE LOVE the title. It can be applied to many situations and identifies. AWESOME! My husb is a "twice a year Catholic". Your husb will probably go to heaven before mine does. Oh well I don't really care since I am coming back! (Reincarnation baby!) Happy Chanukah! I assume in this week you are Jewish? ;-) Since presents are involved, FOR YOU alone; you don't need to worry about giving anything to husb. SCORE! 8 times?
What a fantastic post! I love when my non-Jew of a hubby says something that "sounds like one of us!" ;) Hilarious! btw, I still love Adam Sandler's song, too!
I have always wanted to be Jewish, the only thing holding my back was doing the whole conversion thing. When I was at Catholic school I told everyone I was Jewish. Everyone believed me and those who knew better just went along with it. It got me out of all kinds of stupid things at mass. I'm not Catholic for that matter so didn't know all the little hand movements and responses. Being Jewish made it all good. I wasn't aware of the swallowing part, if I had known I might have converted a long time ago.
I still crack up at the Adam Sandler song, maybe I'm part Jewish.
I'm a sometimes catholic. Whenever someone tries to put a guilt trip on me, I run in the opposite direction! All right, that wasn't as witty as this post. Going back to the Douche post, it was just too funny!
LOL.... my friends is Asian whenever it suits her.
Just drink your gin and tonic-ah, and smoke your marijuan-ica, and never mind him.
you are too funny..
i added adam sandler's song on my blog last week..it cracks me up too..
Happy Hanukkah!!!
Wow... jewish post triggers Sandler craze... interesting... People are so random.
Good morning! I'm a cafeteria Catholic- but I don't think you're ever supposed to admit this...Thanks for visiting me at MBC, and thanks for following along! My blog is kind of scattered, but so am I :)
Funny! Happy Hanukkah! I'm a Baha'i so I get to celebrate everything... Yay:) organicmotherhoodwithcoolwhip.com
Hahahahaha very funny your posts never fail to crack me up! Wish I was jewish sometimes too but the catholics got to me first!
LMAO..screwish..seriously, that is great!
I love how you threatened to be Jewish all the time...too funny!
Screwish...that is funny. You can celebrate it with Festivus (remember that from Seinfeld?).
Glad I found your site on MBC. You are too funny!!
Bahumbug! I'm missing my Jewish friends from back home right about now due to this post. I'm really not sure what the hell I am anymore either...I guess I just believe what I believe and thats that.:) My blog is my temple:) That pic probably says it for all of us:) I was trying to say a prayer last night and got interupted with thoughts about blogging this morning....Blog Whores! I swear!
My husband is Jewish too and I am Christian. This post cracked me up. I need to read it to my hubby:) We love the Adam Sandler song too. Although I love anything Adam Sandler. Happy Holidays!
Well, I'm not Jewish, but I am a convenient Catholic. I was actually raised as a JACK-Catholic, which means I got baptized in the church, but a Sunday spent in a pew was rare. Still, when I need it, a good poke toward the pope and a saint du jour buys a little time or gets me off the hook. Amen.
Haha, that is awesome! I like to be Jewish sometimes too, they LOVE to party!
I am jewish and hubby is not- we celebrate Santa Cohen so my daughter gets the best of both worlds. Although I must admit at times I am more jewish than others especially when it comes to cooking and cleaning! Love this post hope you do more like this one!!! It is needed in the blogging world.
That is funny! I know a lot of sometimes Jews. You're in good company. Stopping by from SITS! Happy SITS day!
Too funny! I'm an all the time Jew, but there are definitely times when it comes in handy... :-)
I never knew how useful it was to be part time Jewish. I should look into that.
Part time religious holds no more sun for me. I eschewed organized religion long ago...and I still get presents! Woo hooo!
Hilarious. By virtue of your definition I guess I'm Screwish too. I'll have to share this post with my brothers. I think they'll get a huge kick out of this, since we've often joked about how selective our mom was in our partially Jewish upbringing.
Post a Comment