Sunday, September 19, 2010

Internal Blog

When I was ten years old, I used to think that I had a crazy uncle.

He would pretend to wrestle snapping turtles out of the lake, he’d shoot bats at night in the backyard and he would sell cotton balls on paper plates during the day in Central Park claiming that they had the ability to tune you into this one of a kind, amazing station….


I know now why my mother would never let me stay at my cousin’s house for any extended period of time.

But on one rare visit, with prison-like supervision, I happened to catch a glimpse of his wares that were laid out and all ready to go. I watched with an open mouth as he cotton stuffed both of his ears, closed his eyes and proceeded to tap one foot gently up and down.

Could there be any truth to the cotton balls? Was my mother the one who was crazy?

Not being able to contain myself, I asked “What are you listening to?” and picked up some fallen cotton balls for closer inspection.

“W.Y.O.U.” he replied not even opening an eye at my half curious half incredulous ten year old tone.

W.Y.O.U.?I wondered if my Aunt was aware of his severe sanity limitations.

"What are you talking about? There is no such station.” Glad to be the one to finally state the obvious.

Maybe it just took a kid to set him straight. Wouldn’t my family be proud?

“But of course there is” he replied calm as you please and reached out to hand me two fresh cotton balls “Go on. Try them”

Darting a sneaky glance left and right to ensure that my mother wasn’t watching, I shoved a fat white cushy ball in each ear and waited for….well….something.

“I don’t hear anything” my own disappointed voice echoed in my head

“Oh yes you do” My crazuncle insisted. “Shhh…Just listen

I knew he was nuts. How could I have even questioned my poor sweet mother?

Fifty-five seconds later. “Nope still nothing” I declared victoriously.

EXACTLY! He announced sharply.

Should I run?

“When you tune out the world, you listen to the best station around W.Y.O.U. It is the only way to hear yourself clearly without any interruption. Isn’t it amazing?”

Oh yes, how do you keep ample stock of such a precious commodity?

More so, how do you answer a crazy yet beloved uncle without offending his non-sensibilities?

Hmmmm????……. Oh!

I know!!! I know!!! How about by growing up to be just like him?

No, I don’t sell cotton balls on paper plates in the park but I do listen to the sounds of W.Y.O.U. quite often. And truthfully, I prefer it to any rap station that’s out there these days.

My only variation is that I prefer W.Y.O.U. AM (After Margaritas) and we’ve all seen how that can turn out…. but that won’t stop me!

Still the listening pleasure is free and blares for a solid eight to twelve hours a day.

Go ahead. Try it. You know you want to.

W.Y.O.U….do you hear it??


BugginWord on September 20, 2010 at 12:41 PM said...

I like listening to W.Y.O.U. as much as the next gal, but I'm still not buying used cotton balls from a creepy old man in the park. That's just W.I.S.E.

scargosun on September 20, 2010 at 1:14 PM said...

I like that. I only have those square cotton wipes for taking off nail polish though. I am not sure they would work. Guess I need to look for your uncle.

Tractor Mom on September 20, 2010 at 2:11 PM said...

The "crazies" are really the ones who are sain!!

Come by when W.Y.O.U. is off the air...

ReformingGeek on September 20, 2010 at 2:59 PM said...

I've still got water in my ears from swimming. Will that work?

Anonymous said...

wait, I have the cotton in and I still hear voices. uh oh. on September 20, 2010 at 4:18 PM said...

I like to sing to myself alone in the car. That's my W.Y.O.U

I'm crazy too, I guess.

Linda Medrano on September 20, 2010 at 6:46 PM said...

I hear it! But then I've always known it was there! Your uncle was brilliant, Darling. I'm glad I had one like him too!

Simply Suthern on September 20, 2010 at 7:40 PM said...

Your uncle sounds, uhhh, interesting. LOL My mom wouldnt let me stay at my dads parents and I sure do appreciate that. LOL.
Actually the last thing I want to hear is me. I want a second opinion.

Unknown on September 20, 2010 at 8:22 PM said...

I prefer cotton ball ear plugs to the iPod buds. Now if I can only figure out how to stuff my ears with cotton balls at work. : )

Your uncle was a genius, or maybe he owned stock in cotton balls.

Honestly, my problem is not listening to my inner self. It's getting my inner self to shut up. If only there was a way to stuff cotton in my head.

Mama-Face on September 21, 2010 at 6:28 AM said...

Wow. So profound. And I didn't get what the letters stood for until the very end of your post. lol. How slow am I? I need those magic cotton balls to BLOCK OUT WYOU. (or KYOU as it would be known around these here parts).

how have you been? :)

Teisha on September 21, 2010 at 7:30 AM said...

I've always thought to be genius one must be slightly crazy. I think this pertains here.

I had a classmate in high school that was the talk of the hallway for a few weeks because he was climbing up in the rafters in his garage listening to a radio station only he could hear. And he said it was aliens talking to him from outer space. In this instance I fully believe he was just crazy, not genius.

Lisa@GrandmasBriefs on September 21, 2010 at 9:24 AM said...

Nowadays I prefer WYOU to any other station. My husband likes to crank KILO - which should give you a good idea of the screamin' that goes on there - and can't believe I prefer silence. Um, it's not SILENCE, dummy! From now on I'm telling him I've got WYOU cranked and to lay off the KILO. (KILOs just aren't what they used to be ... in so many ways.)

Anonymous said...

Uh oh, I put the cotton balls in and I hear a lot!

Why isn't working right for me!

I hear voices! Should I be a-scared?

Andrea on September 21, 2010 at 10:17 AM said...

Love it. I need to listen to that station more often!!

Hanna on September 21, 2010 at 2:08 PM said...

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Anonymous said...

I bet there was never a dull moment when he was around....dont we all have one of "those "uncles"...I need to listen to that more..!

Jayne Martin on September 21, 2010 at 3:59 PM said...

I hear W-Y-O-U non-stop. I'd like to know how to shut it the hell up once in a while. I bet your uncle would have known. Cute story.

Amanda- The Nutritionist Reviews on September 21, 2010 at 5:19 PM said...


I just found your blog on Follow Me Back Tuesday! Have a great night.


An Imperfect Momma on September 21, 2010 at 5:36 PM said...

Love the story. I listen to W.Y.O.U. - but not enough. And when I do? Its usually just static...ok not really. That was my feeble attempt at humor. Ok I'll stop. :) Thanks again for the story

Paige on September 21, 2010 at 5:43 PM said...

words cannot even describe how much i loved this post

Ed on September 21, 2010 at 5:47 PM said...

He sounds like an genius ENTREPRENEUR to me.

The Single Mothers Chronicles on September 21, 2010 at 6:47 PM said...

this is totally sweet! I probably DO need to get cotton balls so I listen to ME more!


Wicked Shawn on September 21, 2010 at 7:43 PM said...

I think he sounds quirky and fabulous. I happen to love quirky and fabulous!!

Ziva on September 22, 2010 at 6:24 AM said...

"It is the only way to hear yourself clearly without any interruption." Tell that to my multiple personalities. Plus? I tried the cotton ball thing and spent an entire afternoon just listening to my own thoughts, and now I don't know how to break this to myself, but I'm freaking nuts. I should be institutionalized.

Anonymous said...

LOVE W.Y.O.U. AM as well! This was a great post!

Debbie on September 22, 2010 at 4:28 PM said...

That is a smart thing to do! Sometimes the crazy ones teach us so much.

People Who Know Me Would Say: on September 23, 2010 at 3:57 AM said...

Seriously, I do this...with earplugs. I don't tap my feet, but I tune everything else out. I've done it for years when the cacophony around me starts to grate on my nerves.

Your uncle was well before his time.

Diane Laney Fitzpatrick on September 23, 2010 at 8:04 AM said...

Very cute! I had a crazy uncle, too. But he built remote-control model boats that he played with in the pond, with Barbie dolls on the back with water skiis. Every family should have a crazy uncle.

drollgirl on September 23, 2010 at 3:25 PM said...

i think we all have a crazy relative (or 10)! this post made me think of my gun toting uncle. wait -- most of them are gun crazy and come from the school of clint eastwood!

life in the mom lane on September 23, 2010 at 5:40 PM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
life in the mom lane on September 23, 2010 at 5:42 PM said...

Unfortunately I have tinnitus so my W.Y.O.U. is quite different from other peoples.

24/7 I hear a loud high pitched ringing in one ear... for the first year just about drove me crazy- I'd give just about anything to be able to "hear" W.Y.O.U. *sigh*

Tiffany on September 23, 2010 at 8:10 PM said...

i love that station. i listen often--if only for a minute or two while the kids are quiet--but i definitely listen.

Joann Mannix on September 24, 2010 at 10:53 AM said...

I am a girl who loves the quiet. I don't turn on the TV or oftentimes the radio. I like peace. I'm with your crazy uncle.

Unknown on September 24, 2010 at 11:36 AM said...

I loved that! Seriously, that is good stuff. I love that he sold those cotton balls. I would've definitely bought some if I were walking by him in the park.

Patty Punker on September 26, 2010 at 1:55 PM said...

i have a late night wyou and it's on satellite so i can curse like a sailor.

Unknown on September 26, 2010 at 10:11 PM said...

Okay took me a second to get this one -- cuz I am kinda slow, and cuz here in Canada our radio stations start with the letter C (yep, for Canada, we are that literal).

Like the idea a lot. Think the park thing is a tad creepy...

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip on October 5, 2010 at 11:31 PM said...

Truth is, I love music and to be in the middle of things, but esp. now as a mom, I realize I do really enjoy some peace and quiet once in a while and I think I could definitely use a few of those cotton balls right now. Tell me again, which park did you say your uncle was selling cotton balls in? I'm headed over there right now...

The Absence of Alternatives on October 11, 2010 at 10:18 PM said...

The man's got a point there. Depending on which movie he's in, he could have been the wise man setting our heroin/hero straight. Too bad he's not Chinese. If he were Chinese, with this sort of mysterious Zen etc, people may have built him a temple already!

Marjana Simic on October 25, 2010 at 10:26 AM said...

Maybe he wasn't crazy after all, just a little eccentric for his time. We all desperately need some W.Y.O.U. Some people call it "meditation". Great post!

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