So last week I was conveniently Jewish for the holiday.
I figured, new job, new bosses...need to get ‘em trained right off the bat right?
Yessiree…
If there is an optional, religious holiday day off in question, sticker me Jewish please.
Nobody has ever questioned my Jewishness before.
Before last week that is….
Obviously Not Jewish Boss: “So what holiday is this anyway? I can never keep all of them straight.”
Who made you the Holiday Jew Police?
....and plus....er... I don't know.
Starting to Sweat Convenient Jew: “It’s a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very religious holiday. We don’t like to talk about it”
Obviously Not Jewish Boss: “So what will you do on your day off? Go to temple?”
What’s with the inquisition Helen Hitler?
Now Schvitzing Profusely Convenient Jew: “Err, um..” searching Jewish…. Memory….Banks….Grandmother's...words...fading....fast
“cough, cough” - oh this is good - “cough, cough…something… caught…. In…throat, cough” grabs neck for effect.
MIGHT
DIE
RIGHT
ON
SPOT
Peeks one eye open....... Obviously Not Jewish Boss still staring.
So much for water for the choking Jewish girl.
Maybe she wants me dead.
Remind me to check her office for ovens.
Recovering Convenient Jew: “Cough, cough....Whew, that was a close one! …Sooooo…errr…what about those Irish laughing it up at funerals huh?...”
*Jew cricket?*
This Jewish thing is getting tough.
I might have to change jobs if this keeps up.
Is it too early to put in for Chanukah?
Nobody ever questions that one…thank God!
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43 comments:
do some Joo studying..
Next Jewish holiday - Yom Kippur, day of repentance. We don't eat. We mourn for our sins and ask forgiveness of g-d and everyone else. We spend endless hours in the synagogue talking about how hungry we are.
After that - Sukkot (Festival of the Tabernacles) - no one knows what it is but we eat in a straw hut while shaking a lulav and etrog.
Good luck with your Joo studying...
I get all the Jewish holidays confused, and I've been Jewish for quite some time. Since birth in fact. I just started a new job, so I didn't put in for the last joowish holiday. I ate Chinese food with the goyim. I couldn't even spell goyim right. I spelled it goyem. Google yelled, "Did you mean: goyim?" I could hear this Seinfeld Miami Beach thing going on in my head. But then again my head is rather crowded.
School was out here for the holiday. I didnt even know it was a holiday. With my accent I dont think I could get by pretending to be Jewish. I have enuff trouble playing me without trying to be something else. I do love my fried fish on Fridays tho. Ya reckon that's where the word Fryday comes from?
Good Luck with the training and breaking in "Not Jewish Boss".
You may not want to read my post about Hitler's choice of moustache today.
Just sayin'.
Oven?
Oh, MrsBlogalot, that was awful.
Convection or microwave?
As for the learning, you might start with Wiki.
;-)
Hehe.. I've been conveniently sick, dying, mourning a long lost second cousin, thrice removed whom I had never actually met, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Catholic and once even a redorming nun. I've had my appendix removed more times than I can remember and somehow I managed to catch the bird flu twice and the swine flu three times. Imagine that.
I knew it! As an HR Director I am CONVINCED that people adopt religions based on holidays and don't really know which holiday it is - just that they get the day off. Thanks for confirming my suspicions.
The only thing I know about anything Jewish is the word verklempt. Or is that Yiddish? Are Jewish and Yiddish the same??
I was out with a friend from Israel on Thursday then suddenly realized what day it was. I ignorantly said without thinking, "Wait, aren't you supposed to rush-a-home-a today?" She replied, "It's about celebration. I'm celebrating. Next week is the somber one."
So now you're all set for this week.
*snort*
Even I knew it was ... the Roshie one! hee hee Kidding!
So did you still get the day off? I hope so!
LOL! I think your boss is onto you! LOL
LOL I guess you'll have to actually learn some of the holidays!
My sister is a converted Jew, but I still can't keep all their holidays straight.
I like saying, Rosh Hashanah. It's a kicky little word, just like my sister's little Jewish mother in law.
...BwHahahah..you should just start talking Jibberish....Or Yiddish...(fake it if you need to)
and maybe Obviously Not Jewish Boss...would be like..."Oy Vay...alright already...take your holiday...!"....
Over here by way of Island Roar, and actually a Jew who sat in services on Thursday (but not Friday - did you know you could have gotten TWO days off???!)
And, what a drag, Yom Kippur falls on Saturday this year. Oh well. :)
Girl, I'm not even Jewish and I know it was Rosh Hoshona. (Okay, I don't know how to spell it.) What a jerk the Boss Lady is. I'm confused. Is a Convenient Jew anything like me, a counterfeit Catholic?
bah! i used to work with a smart but awful chick. long story. anywhoo, she tried to cash in on ALL holidays by saying she was raised catholic, but that her step-father was jewish. witch! she didn't have a religious bone in her body and was a total scam artist. but i have to admit it was a smart ploy to get more time off, and IT WORKED. :[
You pretended to be a Jew to get an extra holiday?! Ha ha - you are a girl after my own heart. I always pretend to be a Jehovah's Witness so I don't have to buy anyone Christmas presents... Yo sista!
the nice thing about being irish is when the skeptical boss asks what i'm doing on my day off i can say "drinking," and there's never anymore questions asked.
I'd get kicked out of the Jew world, if I ever tried to belong to the Jew world. Those doilies on the heads of little bald men just crack me up!
Yeah I know, I just offended all your Jewish doily wearers. Oy.
I think everyone should be multicultural and have off -- problem solved! ;)
Hee hee hee -- top secret holiday! Holy crap, we are the jews, what is top secret, we talk about every damn thing endlessly!
I do not really follow or celebrate at all, but am Jewish, and have a very Jewish sounding name. So when my boss asks how to accomdate, I get to leave a couple of hours early for family dinners.
Day one family dinner: we went to see Angelina Jolie in SALT.
Day two: bowling, with what I am guessing were non-kosher hot dogs.
Boy that sounds really horrible as I type it out...
HAHAHA! You are just awesome lady.
I used the Jewish card on my inlaws when I didn't want to eat the pork dish they served.
hahaha. Too funny. I am convinced I am Jewish in a parallel universe.
Will you be Italian come Colombus Day? You might have to alter the way you pronounce those cheeses lmao...umm...are there typos in my comment? I can't seem to find my "i give a shit" feeling today.
Hmmm....is there a holiday for that too?
OH Joo are so funny! My stomach hurts. Thanks a lot.
Too dang funny.
You're out of your mind!!! I think you should start bringing bagels and lox in at least once a week...maybe some extra for Helen Hitler. MWAHAHAHA!
I was all "Love the Jews" for giving my kid a break during his first week of Kindy. Looks like you need to study up, my friend!
Oh my! Let me know the next time you need some tutoring in all things Jewish. I'm here for you, Mamala! :)
I am selfishly redirecting you to my blog today, because my friend Brian needs your support about adopting a puppy that needs a loving home. Please visit and leave your comments of support for him at: http://www.madtexter.com/2010/09/pause-for-paws.html
We just answer Christmas if anyone asks what holiday is coming up. This tends to get awkward looks.
We love this blog!
Next time ... Google it *before* you ask. LOL
Roshashana? is that one? maybe?
i'm black (and *not* Sammy Davis); i have no idea.
LOL. So this weekend is a big one. You could get out of working on Friday right? I have to be home by Sundown! Otherwise, otherwise, I will... I will, burst into flames! Figuratively of course. You know, the guilt makes you feel like you are on fire... etc etc. Actually, you should have taken this week off: don't you need to cleanse half of the stuff inside your house and seal it inside one room or sell it to a Rabi or something? LOL.
This post reminds me of a postcard on this http://www.postsecret.com/
Tiffany cracks me up. Between the two of you I am dying...
Way to give it a go, girlfriend. I think everyone should get all religious holidays off regardless of whether or not they're of that particular persuasion. Let's just call them all inter-faith holidays.
Yep girl, if your gonna pull this one off ya need to study up on the subject! Careful or she'll ask ya to work Christmas Day!
You have a terrific week!!!
I have to admit, that if I chose a different religion, it may be Jewish!
OMG, this is HILARIOUS!!!
Also, isn't Temple something LDS people do???
Isn't it Synagogue?? Did I even spell that right? I live in a very NON Jew area...meaning there are NONE here. Wonder why? We'd love em!
um im totally being a jew @ my next job!
That was too funny. My hubby is Jewish, but he never gets a day off.
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