Dr. Douche

My son’s pediatrician is a jackass. If I brought him in screaming of multiple penis disorder, this doctor would treat it the same as a runny vagina. He’d stare into his computer magic eight ball and predict and prescribe the same damn thing. EVERY damn time. It’s like listening to a bad medicinal chorus. What does it take to become...

The Satisfied Blogger

In the past, I've labeled myself as many things.First I was (and will always be) The Convenient Jew. Then.....(and wouldn't my mother be proud) The 9 to 5 Lesbian.And now.....I am happy to report.... The Satisfied Blogger.I really don't know what the hell I did before.I mean Before-the-blog.Who the hell listened to all of my crap?.....Oy,...

It's My Time

There are several times of the month for me.No, not just one, thanks for asking.There are:'I'm getting my period''I have my period'and the ever popular ....'I just got over my period'There was a brief reprieve during pregnancy when all three of the above were replaced with two little words:'I'm pregnant'Some things are bigger than all of...

Vodka, Cranberry and Lime ...Oh MY!!

It's vacation time!!And I'm going Commando...you know, no internet, no blogging, completely unplugged...Oh... that's not what that means?I was wondering why my husband was so excited!I'll miss you guys!!!!OK, I can do this....Shutting down...Can't breathe a little....Waiter! Hurry with that drink!!!See you all when I get back!!xoxo ...

Cafe Bite-Me

“You have a what?” my girlfriend stops mid-chew to ask. “A blog” “A blog?” She inquires once again as if I’d just taken out my Spok ears and Light Saber. “Yes. A blog” Note to self: Water spillage is great for awkward silences. “What exactly do you do with a blog?” “Write stuff” “What kind...

The Future Is Now

Okay you guys. I’m really upset. I have to get this off my chest but I don’t quite know how. It has been weighing on my mind for days and I can’t take it anymore. UGGGGGHHH… I guess the only way to say it is straight out. Just spill it out. Get it over with. Okay, here comes the band aid…… HEATHER...

Who's She In Bed With Now?

I’m having an affair. With many. So many, that I’ve actually lost count. I’m having an on-going affair that my husband is fully aware of and could really care less about. And I’m in love. I’m in love with…. Words And it’s an affair for life. I’ve always been acutely aware of my need for words. Whether...